Just discovered that my underage nephew is toking...need advice please!

[GreenLadyOfDankDowns]

I was 12 when my nephew was born, and so in many ways he feels more like my little brother. We're good friends and pretty close. He just turned 16, and I just discovered that he's smoking weed. He was staying over at my parents' home this weekend (I was visiting as well obviously) and had left his dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom after his shower. I picked them up and WHOOPS, rolling papers, a lighter, and an empty dime sized baggy fell out of one of the pockets.

Is there a chance he was holding this for a friend? Possibly, but I know my nephew, and I'd say he's toking. I just don't know how to handle it. As a smoker, I'd feel like a complete heel if I busted him out to his dad (my brother). I started smoking weed around when I was 17 - 18 and I don't feel it did me any harm, but he is struggling in school as it is. Of course the fact that he is struggling may be why he's toking and not the other way around.

Should I tell his dad, or take him aside and tell him what I've found and talk to him about it? What would you do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[FlyGuyOU]

hmmm, how would your brother take it? does he smoke? know you do? My first thought would be to talk to your nephew, you say you guys are close so that shouldn't be too hard. However, if my brother knew my kid was toking I would really want him to tell me as well. I'd probably talk to your nephew first to get his side of the story, how much and how long, probably talk to him about the importance of school and all that jazz.

[ChronicJoint]

wow that is a hard question. because i thought about it as if i had just caught my nephew... :wtf:

i would probably talk to him about it first but still tell my sister, because she should know what her son is doing.

so yea, i would say talk to him first then tell your brother about it, well actually, i dunno because how does your brother feel about smokin? that would be part of it. you dont wanna throw your nephew under the bus, but its the right thing to do.

hmmm, a much harder question then i imagined. i dunno i guess its all on you because we dunno your family members

[rmrdr716]

id say take him aside and talk to him about it. once you talk to him about it hell begin to open up to you because your the only adult that he can talk to about wwats going on with him. When i was 16 i couldnt tell any adults that i smoked pot because they would all rat on me. Wouldv been cool to be able to open up to someone. Just my 2 cents

[GreenLadyOfDankDowns]

Unfortunately my brother is a complete and utter asshat, and I'm worried about his possible reaction. He knows I smoke, and he did smoke a little in the past, but gave it up long ago. He won't touch the stuff now (because of his new wife, and that's a whole 'nother can of worms). In fact we aren't on friendly terms because I still smoke (that's one reason anyway) and have told him point blank that I'm not willing to quit just because it makes him (*cough* his new wife *cough*) uncomfortable.

I'm going to go and grab my nephew and have a little talk with him and will decide if his dad actually needs to be notified after that. Does anyone know if the JROTC drug tests? He wants to join next semester so I may be able to use that to herd him away from the herb, at least until he's 18. Hell, I'll probably take his ass out and get him good and stoned on his 18th birthday. Right now I just want to keep him out of trouble and keep his dad from killing him.

[FlyGuyOU]

I know ROTC does, IDK about J...maybe if you give them reason to. You could always call them and ask
That sucks your brother is an asshat. Or newwife is.
The fact that he's not cool makes things a bit more difficult. If you talk to you nephew straight up like a man and he starts to confide in you, you don't want to break his trust by 'ratting' him out to his dad. Whats your nephew think about this new wife (im assuming its a stepmom). This is tough b/c you have to value the weight of each relationship, Thats tough.

Does your nephew know you toke up? This could be a good way to take him under your wing? IDK how close you guys live but if you'd be willing it'd be a good way to set up a study/do homework first/then we toke together afterwards type of situtation.

IDK this is one of those tough choices in life. It'll all turn out somehow :)

[Innominate]

Talk to him about it, be reasonable.

[Storm Crow]

You are on the right track! Don't tell Dad, like you said, he's an asshat! You might gently chide your nephew about being careless! He was lucky it was you and not Dad! A good scare will do him good!

Does your nephew know HOW to study? I'm going to do a bit of "cut and paste from an old post I did. Print it up, it might help his grades. "Stoner study tips" are hard to come by for some odd reason! :cool: but I'm a stoned teacher's aide/tutor (not at work, of course), so here they are!

Going back to school? Great study tips!

"I want all of you to get straight "A"s, to break the "dumb, underachieving stoner" image and maybe amaze the parents and teachers! I work in education and I'm darn good at it. Here's a few things you can do to get better grades. You may not get all "A"s the first semester, but your grades should improve greatly!

First, get a cassette recorder- even an "el cheapo" will do, you aren't recording music! Read your text books into it and replay the text often, while driving, doing housework, etc. I guarantee you will learn it! It is easier than reading and re-reading your text book- just click and play!

Second, begin work ASAP on all assignments. The kids in college though I was crazy because I started on term papers a couple of weeks into class. By the time finals came around, I was done with it and could focus on JUST the finals- while everyone else was going crazy trying to do both for all their classes. I graduated with honors.

Third, type out your notes! Retyping them makes you pay attention to what you wrote. Try to read a sentence, then retype it from memory. Be sure to read it again to check for accuracy.

Fourth, Study in a group! The feedback from fellow students sticks in your mind (usually more than what the teacher said in class!). They did a study on this and kids who worked in groups got better grades with the same amount of studying as students who studied alone.

Fifth, I had a lot of luck writing my papers stoned and cleaning them up straight. The ideas just "flowed". Math (for me) was a disaster when I was stoned, however.

Sixth, Use a reward system. "I won't play my Xbox/get stoned/ have a cookie until I finish this assignment. Just don't do a hurried job- be patient!

Another thing you can do, if you are creative, is to take a tune you know well and set new words to it- the facts you need to learn. I can still recite Poe's poem "El Dorado" that I learned in the 60s! I set it to some music and sang it through over and over. Remembering a song uses a different part of your brain than learning nonmusical stuff. So basically, you have it "written" in two places in your memory, making it more likely that you will be able to remember the facts.

As a tutor, one third of my job is getting kids to believe in themselves. The other thirds are- teaching kids how to study (tricks and tips), and the actual teaching of the facts and formulas. Most of you are just lacking the "tools" you need to learn- you're not stupid, you just don't know how to learn! And HOW to learn is not something most schools teach! I just gave you a few tricks that work for a lot of people. You DO have to work, though. Facts don't just jump into your head, you have to put them there. Very few of the kids I've tutored have remained stuck in their low grades. And I am proud of every one of them! Go for it! Make me proud!- Granny

And a little more!
OK, Let's add flash cards to the list of good study aids! In science, learning the vocabulary is half the battle! Pick up some 3x5s and use them for vocabulary, history, whatever! Again, they are easy to use in those "wasted minutes" (waiting for the microwave to cook a potato, commercials during the game, riding in a car...)"

Well, that might help you a bit. - Granny :hippy:(who graduated with honors)

[Reefer Rogue]

I'd leave him alone and let him toke, let him make his own 'mistakes'

[beachguy in thongs]

I'd keep it between you two. You never know, he just might win that big prize at the family reunion that you always wanted.

[Coelho]

GLDD, thats really a tough situation... just a thing that i think nobody mentioned... try to put yourself in hims place... to imagine that you are him... try to think what you would like your aunt did if she discovered you smoke... cause everything has two (or rather many) sides... and it would be better if we could see them all. Just my :twocents:

[rostapharian]

dont tell his dad it will make his home life awkward and just make life shit.
:S5:

[GreenLadyOfDankDowns]

Well, we talked. Or rather, as soon as I told him I'd found his stuff he cried (so much for his badass image) while I talked. Basically I told him I wasn't going to tell his dad, but we needed to have an understanding regarding judicious usage. I let him know that I wasn't judging him for his choices, I just wanted to make sure he understood what kind of consequences smoking can have for a young guy like him.

He's growing up and will legally be an adult in two years time and he's got a lot of important choices ahead which he needs to start thinking about. He wants to go to college and study music (he's actually very talented, he already plays guitar, piano, and drums quite well) and to do that he has to have the grades. He's an intelligent young man and has a lot of potential but to realize his goals he has to focus more and goof off with his buddies a little less. Recreation is important too, and valid, but needs to be kept in proper perspective. If he is having any problems in school he can come to me and I'll take the time to help him understand anything that's giving him trouble.

I let him know that while weed isn't necessarily dangerous, some of the people who deal it are. So if he should decide he wants to smoke now, or in the future, he needs to be careful and use common sense. I made a point to stress to him that when he gets his driver's licence he should never drive while high. I also printed out a bunch on information about MJ and its effects and possible side effects for him to read.

Finally after that speech (which made me feel like a guidance counselor) he loosened up a bit and asked some questions which I answered as truthfully as possible. He told me that he gets his weed (regs, about a quarter a month when he has the money, and he's been smoking occasionally for nearly six months) from his friend's older brother and that he never uses it at school. He and his friend and sometimes their girlfriends go smoke in the woods behind his house.

I admitted that I do smoke when he asked me. Of course then he wanted us to smoke together, but I told him out of some lingering respect I still have for his dad that I just can't do that until he comes of age. He was cool with it, and even hugged and thanked me after the whole ordeal, which is odd because he hasn't been the hugging type since he was 10. I guess he just appreciated that I didn't yell at him and wasn't going to tell his father. After he hugged me, right when he was about to leave I told him if I ever caught him trying to pinch out of my stash I'd nail his balls to the basement ceiling. The look on his face was priceless. LOL!

[Markass]

confront him about it...I can personally say that a lot of kids don't see it as too bad of thing, definitely not as bad as other drugs...we see how it affects us compared to alcohol and wonder why it's said to be wrong..

The bottom line is, no matter how much discouragement comes, marijuana is easier to find than someone to buy you beer or cigarettes..If someone wants to do it they're going to regardless. That's what I'll be facing once I have kids and it will put me between a rock and a hard spot. Honestly, at 16 he is capable of kind of making smart choices, encourage him that if he does it to be responsible, and careful. Remind him how easy it is to be caught with it and how disappointed his parents would be...

As for the school, it could be attributed to his habit...Maybe his parents should look into some tudoring for him, or possibly give him help with his schoolwork if they can..? Try and find out what he's having trouble in school with. I remember going through high school, everything was manageable with me getting stoned every day before school, except for algebra which I had trouble with all through high school, and never got that credit until a few weeks ago..High school is a lot of work, especially nowadays..there's a lot of required b/s and I don't think that a lot of teachers are willing to take the time to notice individuals who are struggling, merely concluding that they aren't giving enough effort..when in reality they just need individualized attention...I never got that attention, so I struggled with math, and failed it every year of high school because of that...

I don't know if this will help much but it's my take on it :stoned: :thumbsup: good luck

[petros]

As long as he listens to you and respects you, I think you made the right choice. Let's say if I was in his position at that age, that's how I would have wanted it to go down. I'm really glad I wasn't into weed in high school... I can see how it could steer someone in the wrong direction. Hopefully you got him back on track.

[birdgirl73]

You handled it great, Greenlady! Just beautifully.

I have a very uptight first cousin whose two younger daughters smoke. One of them is 17 and got busted for possession after a routine car stop and one of them is 20 and so far has been more discreet. My cousin wanted me to talk to them about the legal aspects of the younger girl's situation, and I think he also wanted me to launch into an anti-cannabis discussion from my own standpoint as someone who's always been a bit of an overachiever when it comes to school.

I told him I couldn't in good conscience take an anti-cannabis stance, not to him or anyone. I said after learning about it and reading about it and smoking it myself, I know it's far more harmless to kids than alcohol, and I explained it has major untapped potential for medical use. That opened his eyes a bit. He was always such a goodie-goodie. After he had heard my stance, I asked him if he still wanted me to talk to his girls, and he said yes, which surprised me. So I said what I had to say, that I didn't have a problem with cannabis and was a believer in its legalization but that cannabis itself still has a serious problem, which is that it's illegal in most places, including here in Texas. So folks who're willing to take the risk to smoke it really need to be grown up and in a position where they have their own place, their own job so they can pay any legal bills they may incur. It's my personal opinion that they also need to be through with the bulk of their formal education if that's possible. I told his 17-year-old that if she's getting caught with it, it likely means she's not yet ready to be smoking it.

I don't know how this story ends yet. This was just at the end of October we had that talk. So far no more busts, and I don't for a moment believe they've stopped smoking. The story reminded me of your situation with your nephew, Greenlady, so I decided to bore you with it!

[Spoken Word]

Man, I think the people on this site are great. Honestly..
Good read.

[beachguy in thongs]

...he wanted us to smoke together, but I told him out of some lingering respect I still have for his dad that I just can't do that until he comes of age.

Just smoke with him! You'd want him to smoke with you if you were out for three weeks.

Out of some lingering smoke from his son, your brother should respect your privacy.

Ummm, maybe you shouldn't.

[MadSativa]

you actualy thought about telling his dad??? Does his dad smoke???

I say family smoke out, if I could smoke out with family it would be kool but not to many of my family smokes and the ones that do I dont wana smoke wit em anyway. You might be lucky, cause I have no family to smoke with and it sucks

[SantaClawz]

I was put into the same situation, except it was my actual little brother. Im 23, hes 16, he's very smart. What did I do when I found out? Smoked with him. It may have been irresponcible but he doesnt need me telling him what to do. Frankly I didnt know what to say, how could I excuse myself whilst telling him not to smoke? Because im adult? How many times did I hear that one when I was younger...? What you can do is teach him to be as responcible as possible while doing something illegal. No smoking in public, do not carry it around with you whenever possible, it is illegal, you will go to jail, and you will stay there cause im not bailing you out.


EDIT: I forgot to mention...ive only smoked with him one time, where did he get the gooooooooood shit?!

[MadSativa]

^^ I dont know about irresponsible, but if hes smart, and hes got the good stuff, mabey you need to take notes

[RUTBpiping]

Well, we talked. Or rather, as soon as I told him I'd found his stuff he cried (so much for his badass image) while I talked. Basically I told him I wasn't going to tell his dad, but we needed to have an understanding regarding judicious usage. I let him know that I wasn't judging him for his choices, I just wanted to make sure he understood what kind of consequences smoking can have for a young guy like him.

He's growing up and will legally be an adult in two years time and he's got a lot of important choices ahead which he needs to start thinking about. He wants to go to college and study music (he's actually very talented, he already plays guitar, piano, and drums quite well) and to do that he has to have the grades. He's an intelligent young man and has a lot of potential but to realize his goals he has to focus more and goof off with his buddies a little less. Recreation is important too, and valid, but needs to be kept in proper perspective. If he is having any problems in school he can come to me and I'll take the time to help him understand anything that's giving him trouble.

I let him know that while weed isn't necessarily dangerous, some of the people who deal it are. So if he should decide he wants to smoke now, or in the future, he needs to be careful and use common sense. I made a point to stress to him that when he gets his driver's licence he should never drive while high. I also printed out a bunch on information about MJ and its effects and possible side effects for him to read.

Finally after that speech (which made me feel like a guidance counselor) he loosened up a bit and asked some questions which I answered as truthfully as possible. He told me that he gets his weed (regs, about a quarter a month when he has the money, and he's been smoking occasionally for nearly six months) from his friend's older brother and that he never uses it at school. He and his friend and sometimes their girlfriends go smoke in the woods behind his house.

I admitted that I do smoke when he asked me. Of course then he wanted us to smoke together, but I told him out of some lingering respect I still have for his dad that I just can't do that until he comes of age. He was cool with it, and even hugged and thanked me after the whole ordeal, which is odd because he hasn't been the hugging type since he was 10. I guess he just appreciated that I didn't yell at him and wasn't going to tell his father. After he hugged me, right when he was about to leave I told him if I ever caught him trying to pinch out of my stash I'd nail his balls to the basement ceiling. The look on his face was priceless. LOL!

Bravo well played!

When turns 18 take him out and get stoned if you feel uncomfortable.

The bit about being careful when buying weed is important it should be obvious but sometimes it needs to be reiterated.

[GreenLadyOfDankDowns]

Oh I will RutB. I love that spastic little bastard and just want to help him and be there for him if he needs me (cause his dad sure isn't). He's my little bro through and through. Just look at us on Halloween night back in 02 (when I was still taller than him, he's almost reached 6 ft now). Don't we make quite the pair? Great, now I'm getting all sentimental. Truthfully, I kind of miss when he was still a little kid following me like a shadow. A short skinny shadow true, but still... ;)

[jh80ww]

i would definately tell his dad/your brother, if you love him and care for him don't let him fuck shit up while he is young

[SFGurrilla]

You are on the right track! Don't tell Dad, like you said, he's an asshat! You might gently chide your nephew about being careless! He was lucky it was you and not Dad! A good scare will do him good!

Does your nephew know HOW to study? I'm going to do a bit of "cut and paste from an old post I did. Print it up, it might help his grades. "Stoner study tips" are hard to come by for some odd reason! :cool: but I'm a stoned teacher's aide/tutor (not at work, of course), so here they are!

Going back to school? Great study tips!

"I want all of you to get straight "A"s, to break the "dumb, underachieving stoner" image and maybe amaze the parents and teachers! I work in education and I'm darn good at it. Here's a few things you can do to get better grades. You may not get all "A"s the first semester, but your grades should improve greatly!

First, get a cassette recorder- even an "el cheapo" will do, you aren't recording music! Read your text books into it and replay the text often, while driving, doing housework, etc. I guarantee you will learn it! It is easier than reading and re-reading your text book- just click and play!

Second, begin work ASAP on all assignments. The kids in college though I was crazy because I started on term papers a couple of weeks into class. By the time finals came around, I was done with it and could focus on JUST the finals- while everyone else was going crazy trying to do both for all their classes. I graduated with honors.

Third, type out your notes! Retyping them makes you pay attention to what you wrote. Try to read a sentence, then retype it from memory. Be sure to read it again to check for accuracy.

Fourth, Study in a group! The feedback from fellow students sticks in your mind (usually more than what the teacher said in class!). They did a study on this and kids who worked in groups got better grades with the same amount of studying as students who studied alone.

Fifth, I had a lot of luck writing my papers stoned and cleaning them up straight. The ideas just "flowed". Math (for me) was a disaster when I was stoned, however.

Sixth, Use a reward system. "I won't play my Xbox/get stoned/ have a cookie until I finish this assignment. Just don't do a hurried job- be patient!

Another thing you can do, if you are creative, is to take a tune you know well and set new words to it- the facts you need to learn. I can still recite Poe's poem "El Dorado" that I learned in the 60s! I set it to some music and sang it through over and over. Remembering a song uses a different part of your brain than learning nonmusical stuff. So basically, you have it "written" in two places in your memory, making it more likely that you will be able to remember the facts.

As a tutor, one third of my job is getting kids to believe in themselves. The other thirds are- teaching kids how to study (tricks and tips), and the actual teaching of the facts and formulas. Most of you are just lacking the "tools" you need to learn- you're not stupid, you just don't know how to learn! And HOW to learn is not something most schools teach! I just gave you a few tricks that work for a lot of people. You DO have to work, though. Facts don't just jump into your head, you have to put them there. Very few of the kids I've tutored have remained stuck in their low grades. And I am proud of every one of them! Go for it! Make me proud!- Granny

And a little more!
OK, Let's add flash cards to the list of good study aids! In science, learning the vocabulary is half the battle! Pick up some 3x5s and use them for vocabulary, history, whatever! Again, they are easy to use in those "wasted minutes" (waiting for the microwave to cook a potato, commercials during the game, riding in a car...)"

Well, that might help you a bit. - Granny :hippy:(who graduated with honors)

Sweet, tips to passing senior year. :hippy:

[ReUp]

Don't snitch. Don't ever snitch.

[tootsie roll]

Well, we talked. Or rather, as soon as I told him I'd found his stuff he cried (so much for his badass image) while I talked. Basically I told him I wasn't going to tell his dad, but we needed to have an understanding regarding judicious usage. I let him know that I wasn't judging him for his choices, I just wanted to make sure he understood what kind of consequences smoking can have for a young guy like him.

He's growing up and will legally be an adult in two years time and he's got a lot of important choices ahead which he needs to start thinking about. He wants to go to college and study music (he's actually very talented, he already plays guitar, piano, and drums quite well) and to do that he has to have the grades. He's an intelligent young man and has a lot of potential but to realize his goals he has to focus more and goof off with his buddies a little less. Recreation is important too, and valid, but needs to be kept in proper perspective. If he is having any problems in school he can come to me and I'll take the time to help him understand anything that's giving him trouble.

I let him know that while weed isn't necessarily dangerous, some of the people who deal it are. So if he should decide he wants to smoke now, or in the future, he needs to be careful and use common sense. I made a point to stress to him that when he gets his driver's licence he should never drive while high. I also printed out a bunch on information about MJ and its effects and possible side effects for him to read.

Finally after that speech (which made me feel like a guidance counselor) he loosened up a bit and asked some questions which I answered as truthfully as possible. He told me that he gets his weed (regs, about a quarter a month when he has the money, and he's been smoking occasionally for nearly six months) from his friend's older brother and that he never uses it at school. He and his friend and sometimes their girlfriends go smoke in the woods behind his house.

I admitted that I do smoke when he asked me. Of course then he wanted us to smoke together, but I told him out of some lingering respect I still have for his dad that I just can't do that until he comes of age. He was cool with it, and even hugged and thanked me after the whole ordeal, which is odd because he hasn't been the hugging type since he was 10. I guess he just appreciated that I didn't yell at him and wasn't going to tell his father. After he hugged me, right when he was about to leave I told him if I ever caught him trying to pinch out of my stash I'd nail his balls to the basement ceiling. The look on his face was priceless. LOL!

:)That was way cool for you to do!
:thumbsup:

[napolitana869]

I think you handled it very well. Now he knows he has an adult on his side who doesnt just want to get him in trouble. I'd try and keep tabs on how he's doing in school. If he starts letting pot get in the way of good grades you might have to have another talk.

[ReUp]

Honestly, what I don't understand is how you believe you have any business with what he is doing. Have a kid if you want to give long drawn out talks like that. Maybe you need more to do to keep you busy. I'm sick of people who think because they are 10 years older they are automatically more responsible or worth listening to at all. You really think he's taken something from your talk? No. He's just glad you didn't tell his parents. He'll blaze when he pleases.

[poseidon]

well another 2 years and you and your nephew can smoke together.. Marijuana is especially interesting for a musician, atleast for me it is.. In unexplainable ways..

[poseidon]

HAHA ReUp's got a very valid point.. honestly, that could be the case, cause I remember being like that on a lot of occasions, I always thought that I would justify smoking weed to someone I can expect to understand objectively.. otherwise I remember I would just let it in one ear and out the other, wait till the person was done yapping and then go light a nice fat one.. HAHA

[Narf!]

Its not the weed that is the problem. You smoke yourself. Do you have a family member that blames every problem that YOU have on weed? We all have problems. Just because he is struggling in school dosent mean that is the problem. He might have problems fitting in. He might not feel comfortable with the cirriculum. He might not have someone at home who understands him, or that he trusts to talk to. Some people learn differently from others. Lets face it. Being a teenager is a bitch.

[RUTBpiping]

We all have problems. Just because he is struggling in school dosent mean that is the problem. He might have problems fitting in. He might not feel comfortable with the cirriculum. He might not have someone at home who understands him, or that he trusts to talk to. Some people learn differently from others. Lets face it. Being a teenager is a bitch.

Damn Straight well put.

@reup thats a bit harsh mate she was just passing on advice from someone of whom i assume has being there and done that and care about him.

[FreshNugz]

I agree with Narf...teenage years are hell, lol.
There are fun times but high school and I never got along. I also agree that bad grades aren't always the result of pot smoking. I was on the honour roll in my last two years of high school, all the while smoking weed. I'm now almost finished university, and I get good grades and smoke as I please.
The problem for my lack of paying attention, or lack of interest in high school was the getting up super early, going there and you can't leave until THEY say so...and you have to do what THEY say. There isn't much room for individual thought and expression, and I think if there was, more teens wouldn't think of it as such of a death sentence. Personally, I felt imprisoned in school....just fucking hated it.

This is where I think you did well; it's important to do your school work before you get all blazed. Using it as a reward after has always worked for me.

That said, kudos to you for not snitching. If I were in that position i would be hella pissed if you just ratted on me...anyone would. All anyone wants is to be treated fairly.