Guy friends

[cm8883]

I've always had more male friends than female. I was a bit of a tomboy as a kid; girls bored me, frankly. That has carried over into my adult life, I guess. I have one best friend who is female, but all my other good friends are male.

This is all well and good until one of the guys gets a new girlfriend. 9 times out of 10, she ends up getting jealous of the friendship I have with her b/f. To clarify, I'm not flirting with their men in any way; we're just buddies. There's no "sexual tension" in the air at all. (I've been friends with two of these guys since high school.)

It just seems so childish and trivial to me. Why can't the girlfriend realize that if me and her guy "liked" each other, wouldn't we be together by now?? I know it all stems from insecurity and low self-esteem, but geez...it's causing problems for me now...I feel guilty that the reason this couple is fighting is me...

[geonagual]

I know this is in womens issues, but I wanted to respond..I think that male-female friendships are so rare that she feels jealous...if you have to, sit her down and talk to her...it may be the only way to resolve it.

[cm8883]

I know this is in womens issues, but I wanted to respond..I think that male-female friendships are so rare that she feels jealous...if you have to, sit her down and talk to her...it may be the only way to resolve it.

Thanks for the reply, geo. I put it here because it involves sexuality and relationships, but I did want to get input from guys, too.

I've thought about talking to them, but somehow I think that that approach may make it even more awkward. The one girl in particular who is so hostile just gives me go to hell looks; I'm afraid if I tried to talk to her, she'd think I was trying to hide something.

[trynagethigh]

Hi cm,

I have had the same problem except that it was her who had the male friend but my situation is a little different. Her so called friend popped up out of nowhere, not to mention she was calling him all the time, sometimes 30 times a day :wtf:. Then to top it off I didnt know about dude until receiving the phone bill. When I asked her about it she constantly lied saying she didnt even talk to other men. She always claimed that he was just her friend, but my thing was if he was just your friend why lie about it? Its like she had something to hide. Then claims she stopped talking to him but comes home at 7 in the morning after being out all night with him from 5 the previous day at his cousins house. Friends my ass. It was a bunch of lies, not saying that there are lies in your situation, but my situation was a little different. Calling him and him calling her at all times of the night. Anyway, the trust isn't there anymore and she wonders why I wont get close to her or even sleep in the same bed with her now...:jointsmile:.no thanks..sorry I dont trust her anymore. Good luck with your situation...:thumbsup:

[thcbongman]

Thanks for the reply, geo. I put it here because it involves sexuality and relationships, but I did want to get input from guys, too.

I've thought about talking to them, but somehow I think that that approach may make it even more awkward. The one girl in particular who is so hostile just gives me go to hell looks; I'm afraid if I tried to talk to her, she'd think I was trying to hide something.

But if you don't speak up, it'll appear you are hiding something!!

[cm8883]

Hi cm,

I have had the same problem except that it was her who had the male friend but my situation is a little different. Her so called friend popped up out of nowhere, not to mention she was calling him all the time, sometimes 30 times a day :wtf:. Then to top it off I didnt know about dude until receiving the phone bill. When I asked her about it she constantly lied saying she didnt even talk to other men. She always claimed that he was just her friend, but my thing was if he was just your friend why lie about it? Its like she had something to hide. Then claims she stopped talking to him but comes home at 7 in the morning after being out all night with him from 5 the previous day at his cousins house. Friends my ass. It was a bunch of lies, not saying that there are lies in your situation, but my situation was a little different. Calling him and him calling her at all times of the night. Anyway, the trust isn't there anymore and she wonders why I wont get close to her or even sleep in the same bed with her now...:jointsmile:.no thanks..sorry I dont trust her anymore. Good luck with your situation...:thumbsup:

That's strange that you mention phone calls. Just last night, my friend tells me, "damn, it's not like we're calling each other and hanging out all the damn time, what's her problem??" ha!

[cm8883]

But if you don't speak up, it'll appear you are hiding something!!

I'm so confused! :D

[psychocat]

Humans compete and in her eyes you are the competition as are all females , also love is very selfish so she won't want to "share" him.

[TheSmokingMonkey]

The only way to make this better is to:

1. become friends with the girlfriend, hang out with her and with both of them together as much as (or more than) you hang out with your guy friend alone.
2. never, ever flirt with your guy friend. ever. even if you want to and are used to doing so and you know nothing will ever happen. just don't do it.
3. talk to the guy friend only in glowing terms about his girlfriend (even if you have to swallow your pride to do so). any negative talk about her should come from him, never from you.

just be a proper lady and things will work themselves out. don't let it get to you, because you run the risk of turning into a petty bitch, and nobody wants that, least of all, you.

[crudemood]

The only way to make this better is to:

1. become friends with the girlfriend, hang out with her and with both of them together as much as (or more than) you hang out with your guy friend alone.
2. never, ever flirt with your guy friend. ever. even if you want to and are used to doing so and you know nothing will ever happen. just don't do it.
3. talk to the guy friend only in glowing terms about his girlfriend (even if you have to swallow your pride to do so). any negative talk about her should come from him, never from you.

just be a proper lady and things will work themselves out. don't let it get to you, because you run the risk of turning into a petty bitch, and nobody wants that, least of all, you.

Yes! She'll realize you're not a threat and stop being so jealous.

[luvfriday]

Get used to this, 3 is a crowd and if your just his friend you will let him find the woman that will make him happy.

[cm8883]

Get used to this, 3 is a crowd and if your just his friend you will let him find the woman that will make him happy.

Um, thanks for the advice, but it's the GIRLFRIEND who has a problem with me, not the other way around. :thumbsup:

[Storm Crow]

The husband of the beautiful, Egyptian queen, Nefertiti, Akhenaten, said it as, "Live in truth". Every religion says it a bit differently, but the truth is what is needed. Just speak the truth, my dear. It will all work out. - Granny:hippy:

[denial102]

The husband of the beautiful, Egyptian queen, Nefertiti, Akhenaten, said it as, "Live in truth". Every religion says it a bit differently, but the truth is what is needed. Just speak the truth, my dear. It will all work out. - Granny:hippy:

I like you guys, I say all i need in life is truth and honesty. Ironic as I am a big fan of egyptian ideology! Strange I missed it.. or did I?! :D

Peace 2 all

[TomStoner]

If she truly loves him then she trusts him, if she doesn't trust him then they are wasting their time together.

:cool:

[passingships]

I guess it stems from jealousy which stems form low self esteem, so get him to build her up and improve her confidence and make her feel special. Or she might just be a bitch...