People Listening/Searching for intellectual peers

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Inspired by the people watching thread of course:jointsmile:.


Anybody ever tried people listening? I've tried people-listening so I can learn how to socialize, analyzing conversations to see how average people make small talk/chit chat (as is I'm totally socially isolated outside these boards). Honestly, average people talk about nothing.

I was listening to this guy and girl talking on the bus and it was 25 minutes of:

"I got that chain fixed on my bike"
"yeah, not having a bike sucks"
"yeah, but driving's better. My buddy got a new paint job on his car"
"What colour?"
"Blue"
"yeah blue's good, I like red too..."


Seriously, 25 minutes of this! I don't know how I'm ever going to learn to socialize, I've listened to lots of other people too and they either talk about nothing, or just gossip about other people. Doesn't anybody excercise their intellect? Or am I doomed to be alone forever because I can't find my fellow thinkers?

Do you guys/gals find the same thing, that most people just talk about nothing at all? Or am I looking in the wrong places? Any ideas where I could look for people who can make conversation that actually gets some neurons firing?

[CanaDanKs Inc.]

Dude when I first moved to the US... I could not formulate a whole sentence in English..

I spent my entire sophomore year in high school people watching/listening..

To this day I still think it was the most interesting part of my life, and I plan to do it again, many many times!


It was very interesting to watch people's body language, facial expressions, and trying to figure out how the words they said matched their behaviors. It thought me a lot about communication and cognitive processes...how people react to certain expressions and words we throw at them. Social skills are cool as shit!!

[stinkyattic]

If you're so smart, don't you think you should be able to find intellectual equals fairly easily? Sheesh. Go down to the park and chill with the oldsters playing chess... Hit on sexy librarians... join MENSA... Hang out on cannabis.com...

You ARE aware I hope that the smarties hang out right here?

:D

[nightlight]

Inspired by the people watching thread of course:jointsmile:.


Anybody ever tried people listening? I've tried people-listening so I can learn how to socialize, analyzing conversations to see how average people make small talk/chit chat (as is I'm totally socially isolated outside these boards). Honestly, average people talk about nothing.

I was listening to this guy and girl talking on the bus and it was 25 minutes of:

"I got that chain fixed on my bike"
"yeah, not having a bike sucks"
"yeah, but driving's better. My buddy got a new paint job on his car"
"What colour?"
"Blue"
"yeah blue's good, I like red too..."


Seriously, 25 minutes of this! I don't know how I'm ever going to learn to socialize, I've listened to lots of other people too and they either talk about nothing, or just gossip about other people. Doesn't anybody excercise their intellect? Or am I doomed to be alone forever because I can't find my fellow thinkers?

Do you guys/gals find the same thing, that most people just talk about nothing at all? Or am I looking in the wrong places? Any ideas where I could look for people who can make conversation that actually gets some neurons firing?
you are listening too closely.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

If you're so smart, don't you think you should be able to find intellectual equals fairly easily? Sheesh. Go down to the park and chill with the oldsters playing chess... Hit on sexy librarians... join MENSA... Hang out on cannabis.com...

You ARE aware I hope that the smarties hang out right here?

:D


Hey don't get me wrong Stinky, I LOVE this site and all our intelligent members here. But I can't go on forever depending on a website as my sole means of social interaction!

I'm smart, but not smart enough for MENSA (Yet. perhapse later, my mental clarity has been steadily improving since getting my stress/depression under control).

It's already a pain in the ass enough that I panic in large crowds. Overal, I'm really socially innept; probably because my brother has full-blown aspergers, and my sister and I both exhibit strong symptoms, just not strong enough as to be diagnosed. Socializing is the greatest intellectual challenge of all for me.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

you are listening too closely.

Maybe, but my biggest difficulty in socializing is finding conversation material. Every so often I've tried just talking about biology, quantum theory, politics, anything more in my way of thinking; and they always just give me a blank look and go "huh?...."


EDIT: except for politics, but people are so touchy about it that they avoid conversation in this field like the plague.

[stinkyattic]

Oh right right. That's the sticky point... finding smarties who you don't have to join a club or do big social stuff to meet. Hm... This will take some thought... Like, how large a group of people does it take for you to get jumpy? Could you do a small book club? Maybe an activity like a river cleanup day where you don't have to hang out in the group the whole time? What's an activity that you like enough to feel confident in a larger group of people than you'd normally like being around? Do you get down with that whole games/role playing thing so you wouldn't have to be 'you', you could be someone else for the day? I'm just throwing out ideas here. I keep forgetting where you're at, but in the Northeast, the Appalachian Mountain Club hosts all sorts of nerdy-outdoorsy activities like birdwatching hikes and that sort of thing, super chill crowd, often a little on the stuffy side, but in a good way, no pressure to contribute unless you're comfortable. Stuff like that. Meanwhile, this place IS good practice. I'm a lot more socially confident since joining the site, that's for damn sure. Bartending helped a lot too, just forcing myself to interact with a lot of different people, including total assholes. That's the hardest part, and once you master talking to a total asswad who you'd rather just jump across the bar and throttle, you can pretty much talk to anyone... :D

[geonagual]

hmmmm...interesting....maybe your just putting your intellect to high or even putting to much emphasis on it..i dont doubt that your smart at all..I have read your posts, I know your smart..you need a stoner friend. maybe an online ad for a friend? they have em..what else? it sounds to me, that you need some practice friends..maybe an old person?

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Oh right right. That's the sticky point... finding smarties who you don't have to join a club or do big social stuff to meet. Hm... This will take some thought... Like, how large a group of people does it take for you to get jumpy? Could you do a small book club? Maybe an activity like a river cleanup day where you don't have to hang out in the group the whole time? What's an activity that you like enough to feel confident in a larger group of people than you'd normally like being around? Do you get down with that whole games/role playing thing so you wouldn't have to be 'you', you could be someone else for the day? I'm just throwing out ideas here. I keep forgetting where you're at, but in the Northeast, the Appalachian Mountain Club hosts all sorts of nerdy-outdoorsy activities like birdwatching hikes and that sort of thing, super chill crowd, often a little on the stuffy side, but in a good way, no pressure to contribute unless you're comfortable. Stuff like that. Meanwhile, this place IS good practice. I'm a lot more socially confident since joining the site, that's for damn sure. Bartending helped a lot too, just forcing myself to interact with a lot of different people, including total assholes. That's the hardest part, and once you master talking to a total asswad who you'd rather just jump across the bar and throttle, you can pretty much talk to anyone... :D


lol, yes I know I make things complicated. To put it in perspective, I'm all good in my business communications class of about 18 people that's spread out. I had to quit my Mangement Principles class because it was packed with 40 people on long rows of tables, completely surrounded. Way too stressful. Clubs/bars that are packed to the nuts, make me reeeaaly stressed out too. Weired eh? I really don't see why that particular situation, a really crowded room, is the one thing that stresses me out so much:wtf:


I think you have some pretty good ideas there, but I can't do anything outdoorsy for hours because of the nerve damage in my spine. Really I couldn't manage more than half an hour on my feet.

hmmmm, I suppose this whole question is more of a pain-in-the-ass than I considered. I suppose it's more for those who have come across a circumstance where they met intelligent people.

[stinkyattic]

Well then... it's back to the oldsters in the park playing chess. Sit your butt down, outdoors, and get it handed back to you by some cigar chewin', Cosby-sweater wearin', mothball stankin' guy with the wrinkles of Walter MAtthau and the moves of Gary Kasparov...

[geonagual]

Well then... it's back to the oldsters in the park playing chess. Sit your butt down, outdoors, and get it handed back to you by some cigar chewin', Cosby-sweater wearin', mothball stankin' guy with the wrinkles of Walter MAtthau and the moves of Gary Kasparov...

I would be down for that, it sounds like fun:jointsmile:

[CanaDanKs Inc.]

Honestly man, talk to as many people as you can, and bring up intellectual subjects. One thing I've noticed through the years is that a LOT of people are smart and intelligent...but they are so caught up with their everyday shit and boring conversations that they never let it show. All they need is a little motivation..

Talk to people, excite their brains with interesting things and you will see that side of them emerge. Some people are more open than others, and that's how you find the ones you want to keep in your circle of close friends.

I understand that you have tried sparking intellectual conversations with people and weren't satisfied with the reactions you have encountered. Start off easy...try to make them understand where you are coming from... perception is something that many people overlook and underestimate. The way you project what you say might be confusing to some people, and they might just not get you. Whereas if you used a different approach to a certain subject, you might get them to understand better, therefore making them more enthusiastic about sharing intellectual matters and even learn about them.

As some people stated in this thread...older people might be what you are looking for. I personally love hanging out with older folks because they are so much more experienced and have such a vast perception of things. Not to mention that they obviously have learned more. You might just be one of those people who are ahead of their times, you know?

One more thing...if you think there is nobody around you that is able to keep up with your level of intellect, why not spread your knowledge?! There's nothing more satisfying than passing something on to someone else... If you can't join them, educate them!

Good luck my friend :jointsmile:

[burnable]

^yeah that's about all you can do. I love the party setting; people having fun, letting loose. But I still insist on speaking of things that are more elevated in that setting. I usually construct my comments in such a way that they can be easily grasped by those under an influence, but they tend not to remember the next day, much less remember my face.

Going to a library or cultural groups can help, but it seems like most of them are intellect-only and aren't much fun. It's really tough to find a person who appreciates elevated thinking but can also have fun in a devil-may-care manner.

Any friend I've ever had my entire life, I've either met by accident or through an existing friend. Making a structured effort to get friends always seems artificial and forced, so I just let friend-making happen on its own, which wouldn't be tolerable if I wasn't very comfortable being alone.

[CanaDanKs Inc.]

You know what.. sometimes it doesn't take much to change someone's perception or just little things in their life...

All it took was that one guy at that one party :thumbsup:

[silkyblue]

I had an incident once whilst in a public area, I musta
been staring at this chick!
I thought she was pretty!
she looked at me and said "what are you looking at!!"?

I never look at anybody after that!

eaves dropping has its perks

ipods do to

[VoidLivesOn]

Dude you are way to smart to not have a g/f or have good socializing skills. I mean out of all the people on these boards I ALWAYS make sure I read your posts. They're ALWAYS informative, smart, and above all true. I mean if I were as smart as you I would use it on society. Everyone likes to talk to smart people.

[Coelho]

Well... i was writing this post then one question striked me... and this question would make my original post useless, so instead rambling about how dumb are people and such, i will ask it.

What are your deepest and honestest reasons for wanting to be more social?

I dont want the usual answers... "i dont want to be an outcast", "i want be popular" and such... search deep in our heart (or mind) what you do expect from it.
I say it because of my own experience. When i was a child, I always was very introvert and silent. I had very few friends. But i wasnt confortable with it... even being happy for being alone i felt a disturbance, like a voice in my mind saying "you should be more social, you should talk with the people, its wrong to sit there alone whan everybody is singing and dancing and playing, and so..."
So, against my own deep will, but for agreeing with this impulse, or "voice" in my mind, i tried to socialize in my (few) friends parties, and so. But with no avail. I would make a struggle to talk with people, to chat with them... but kept being as socially inept as before.

Then, i started to smoke... and during the several experiences with weed, i realized a LOT of things about myself and my life, and remembered some interesting things...

The root of my problem was in my childhood... like i said, i always was very introvert. But my mother, who is very talkative, would nag me for being less shy. So, the impulse i had to be more social, the "voices" i heard in my mind, were my mom's voice, not a impulse from myself, from my own self.
I realized/remembered that i never liked people too much. I always prefered to be alone. So, when i was trying to socialize, i was doing a thing against my own will, and im sure that why i sucked so much in doing it.

After i realized it, i stopped to going parties, social events, and such, when i dont wanted to go there. I decided that if i liked to be alone, then i would be alone, and nobody (nor any voice) would say me what to do. I would do whatever i wished and not do whatever i wished not to do. And I could live this way forever.

But then i learned about controlled folly. And it changed my social life. Weed did make possible for me to separate my own self from my body... like... my body acts like a normal person, but my own self is detached from it, like observing it from outside... my self is not my body anymore, so my self is not inflenced by it anymore... im not into me anymore... its hard to describe, but maybe you know what im talking about. Complete detachedness.

So, being completly detached from my body, i would choose any act. I would act like being nice, or an asshole, or any act i choosed. And thats how i interact with people now. I act like i were a normal person, with feelings, and thoughts, and emotions, and such, but its only role playing. If you think a dumb conversation dont exercite your brain is because you dont know about controlled folly... In a dumb conversation, one or two neurones are engaged in talking, and several another ones are engaged in acting like if you were actually interested, immersed, engaged in the conversation. Thats a very mind-exercising thing... as most neurones are free, they can work on more useful things, like percieving the other persons thoughts for example...

Also, being detached makes you more free. People can say bad, harmful things to you... but as you are detached, it cant reach you. They will reach your body, but as your self is detached from it, they cant reach your self. So, you can choose any way to react to it, instead of react by instinct, being angry, or sad, or whatever... and its a plus.

Now, i have a social life that could be regarded as enough by any normal person. I go to parties, talk with people and so... and almost every people i know thinks im a very nice and cool person... And more than one girl were interested in me also... but its only controlled folly.

I could keep talking about controlled folly for hours and hours... but i wont annoy you with it. If you were interested in it, or have any question, feel free to ask.
And please, think about my first question... maybe the question is the solution for your problem... :thumbsup:

[geonagual]

I know the true reason your social skills suck:

Your afraid of looking bad

[Purple Banana]

I meet new smart people at college- if you don't take college classes now, try taking easy ones just to get to know people if you're able to afford it. Find out stuff you're interested in, and try to sit next to someone interesting-looking, I suppose?

[Tadder_Nervosa]

Sell out for a couple weeks and start selling shit. It's kind of depressing and makes you feel guilty, but if you have a good trainer, after a few weeks you'll be confident enough to approach ANYONE. There are intelligent people out there, but what you're listening to is forced small talk in confined places. Crazy people thrive there. Go to the beach! You'll find some of the smartest people on the earth there. They know where it's at ;)

[Staurm]

I find the general bollocks people talk around me convenient sometimes, usually when I don't have to listen to it. Most of the time I don't even need another person to have a conversation. It's office/research group/meeting bollocks that drives me insane, that I have to listen to. People really do talk a lot of shit, few people have the ability to think for themselves anymore.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Dude you are way to smart to not have a g/f or have good socializing skills. I mean out of all the people on these boards I ALWAYS make sure I read your posts. They're ALWAYS informative, smart, and above all true. I mean if I were as smart as you I would use it on society. Everyone likes to talk to smart people.


Thanks man, but I'm not necessarily as smart as you think. Intelligence takes many forms. In my case my writing and articulation intelligence is very high, but my social intelligence is downright retarded. Like I said, I'm sort of 1/3 autistic in my thinking.

Coelho, I "deepest and honest reasons for wanting to be social", are simply that I'm sick and tired of being alone. Everybody has a deep, ingrained need to have companionship at some point, and I'm 22 and still have yet to be kissed. Having never experienced intimacy, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something major in my life.
About 6 months ago I started to notice this feeling growing inside of me, like a blackhole that drains me, and it can only be cured by finally experiencing intimacy. Even outside of that, it would be nice to have a social network or at least a couple friends. Being completely alone has just really started to bother me. Though thankfully, only lately, I've worked hard to attaining an emotionally healthy state of mind and have finally achieved it.


I know the true reason your social skills suck:

Your afraid of looking bad

Nope, sorry. I know that's the common one, I've researched social anxiety disorder thoroughly and that's the number 1 thing with most if not all shy people. But in my case I don't give a shit how I look, I'm just hindered by an analytical pseudo-autistic way of thinking. Albeit I've learned a great deal over the years, I can talk to people rather well initially, and charm them to boot, but I don't understand how to take it into a friendship or intimacy.


I meet new smart people at college- if you don't take college classes now, try taking easy ones just to get to know people if you're able to afford it. Find out stuff you're interested in, and try to sit next to someone interesting-looking, I suppose?


lol, that's just what my Mother has been telling me PurpleBanana. But I've been going to college for 2 years and have yet to meet somebody.

[n1nj4]

I honestly have a hard time talking to people I don't know. I can talk to my friends fine, but thats why I'm not a big party person. I'm not good at making small talk at all because honestly, I can't ever think of anything that would interest the other person. This only happens with people I don't know. It's very strange, and I hate it. But what can I do? I try enough that any normal person would have developed this skill by now, but not me. Very strange.

[thcbongman]

I honestly have a hard time talking to people I don't know. I can talk to my friends fine, but thats why I'm not a big party person. I'm not good at making small talk at all because honestly, I can't ever think of anything that would interest the other person. This only happens with people I don't know. It's very strange, and I hate it. But what can I do? I try enough that any normal person would have developed this skill by now, but not me. Very strange.

Since millions if not billion of people are like this, define normal.

That's one of my social barriers. I have a hard time connecting with people because of it. You are definitely not alone.

[Spoken Word]

I honestly have a hard time talking to people I don't know.I wonder if you mean complete strangers. Because strangers aren't all the same. Some are kind and make you feel welcome while others are stuck up and make you feel like shit.

If I met a group of people at a party and they weren't judging me, I would have no problem kicking it with them and shooting the shit. But once I feel they think they are better than me, the "meeting" is over.

But if they seem genuine and just want to have an interesting conversation, I have no problem expressing myself perfectly. I actually think that's kind of fun, meeting new people and getting to know how others think and act. There are some pretty interesting people out there...it's just a matter of finding topics and carrying conversations that "strangers" would like to share their opinions in.

[expandingeye]

That post was very interesting coehlo. I usually almost look at stuff in that perspective just never thought of it as that seperate before.
I cannot believe you do that in your day to day life, everyday. It is just very similar to how i act around people in day to day life also.


Also reading some of these posts it is crazy to me how much emphasis is put on living when growing up. So much it creates upsetting social disorders that are only created because everyone around them is put in the same messed up environment. At least thats what i believe.
I have the same problem, i mean i just dont have that many friends which will talk the way you are looking for. But i just accepted to be alone when not with friends i guess. I dont need intelligent discussion 24/7 to realize myself, it is just preferable.

[dragonrider]

When you are in a conversaion that seems to hit a dead spot, it's usually best to ask a question. It's harder to try to think of something that another person will be interested in hearing. But people like to talk about themselves, so if you help to draw them out with questions, it can keep a conversation moving. People will think you are a great conversationalist if you ask them lots of questions and show an interest in what they are talking about. If you spend the whole time talking about yourself or what you think or trying to teach them something, they might find it boring.

People also like small compliments, as long as you don't everdo it.

Meeting smart people who have shared interests can be hard if you are not really a "joiner." It's usually easier if you can go to the places where those peopoe are: classes, special interest clubs, etc. But sometimes that feels a littel artificial or stuffy --- I like intellectual conversations, but that's not all I like.

I have met a lot of very smart people at work. I've made some great friends through my jobs.

Most of my freinds though, have come through other freinds. Certain people are "connectors" who make lots of freinds easily, and those are the people who connect the rest of us who don't make freinds as easily. If you can meet a person like that, it will help you to expand your circle.

And if it's actually a girlfreind you are looking for it's OK to let people know you are looking. I met most of my girlfreinds and my wife through other people who introduced us. They didn't necessarily say "here's your new girlfriend," they just introduced us and let things go from there.

Another thing to remember is to not put too much importance on every social interaction. Don't worry too much about how your reaching out is going to be percieved. I used to do that. It's not a big deal to invite a coworker you like to lunch. It's not a big deal if you ask a girl out and she is not interested. You have to reach out. Everyone does, so don't worry about it.

[Coelho]

Well Gandalf... after reading your response to my post i realize that me and you are not so alike as i thought initially... so the best advice i can give is to follow the advices from our more socially skilled members... cause it will be far more useful for you than mine. Anyway... when you were are a socially skilled person, maybe you will find that a bit of controlled folly is highly useful...


That post was very interesting coehlo. I usually almost look at stuff in that perspective just never thought of it as that seperate before.
Well... i think i exagerated a bit when talked about the "separation" between the body and the self... but it was the only word i could find to describe it... sometimes dont speaking english sucks... anyway... i think the word "from perspective" is more adequate... but you did understand what i meant, and its what matters. :thumbsup:


I cannot believe you do that in your day to day life, everyday. It is just very similar to how i act around people in day to day life also.
Oh yes, i do... and if you does it everyday also, you know that is possible.

[GraziLovesMary]

Well, there are different levels of conversation, as you are undoubtedly aware. For the most part, you arent going to find a plethora of cerebrally-stimulating conversation on public transportation. People riding on the bus are only going to make small talk--meaningless conversation that can be ended at any second when somebody else has to get off. I am not sure what kinds of social activities are popular in your neck of the woods, but around here, hookah bars are rather popular. Ive found that, for the most part, they are populated by young, intellectual thinkers like yourself who enjoy the mellow relaxed atmosphere. People go there to read, to smoke tobacco, to study, to write papers, to do art, to meet people, and to have stimulating conversation. I have been to 4 different hookah bars here, some of them multiple times, and they all seem to be pretty stimulating, although some more than others. What can it hurt? Ya go to a hookah bar, pay a few bucks for a hookah, sit down at a table or couch or whatever they have, and wait for people to sit down and talk to you. Or start the conversations yourself. Or shit.. just go there a couple times and observe.

It would seem to me that your unease with crowds stems from a control issue. Statistically speaking, the more people in a given area, the higher the probability of something happening that you didnt predict. You arent sure whats going to happen, and it unsettles you. In time, I have a feeling that the more you get to know your fellow man, the more you will realize he is more predictable than you originally thought :D

I could be totally off about why you dont like crowds, but Im still throwing out hookah bars as a place for intellectual conversation.

[Jah420]

"I got that chain fixed on my bike"
"yeah, not having a bike sucks"
"yeah, but driving's better. My buddy got a new paint job on his car"
"What colour?"
"Blue"
"yeah blue's good, I like red too..."




Gandalf we should really chat man :smokin:

I'll rep you my msn

[suhl]

people arent going to talk deep philosophy all the time thats just how it is. a public bus probably isnt a good place to look for deep conversation either. im definitely not the most social person in the world, but you are saying it as if there is like one right way to find out how to do it. trying to be like other people really isnt going to help you with naything in long run. here is what you need to learn. there isnt some secret to social skills, there is not one right thing to say that is going to make people like you. im not big on small talk myself, so i just dont do it that often. i dont like when people i barely know feel obligated to make it with me. consequently i dont make it with others unless the situation is so awkward and tense i have to. small talk isnt the secret to social skills. really if it is anyone i know and want to talk to i

here is what im going to tell you. im not trying to be a prick, but a lot of times i am probably smarter than the person im talking to. not always, but usually, and i dont even think about it. however, i never dumb myself down for the sake of other people, and even when i am in the minority opinion on something with people i like talking to i dont just go along with them. for example when people say things like oh man this is some dro or legalizing weed would make it all government, or insurance companies dont have an obligation to pay for your house if you knew you lived in the path of a storm, etc, anyuthing really. you just go with the conversation without sacrificing principals.

i think your biggest problem is overthinking it. at work sometimes, it is normally me and a regular few other people out on break and a few people that are there some of the time, all who can have a normal conversation with one another. then there is sometimes a quiet kid who will sit there and not say anything for ten minutes then just blurt something out at one point and cause an uncomfortable silence. i have a feeling this may be you, but im not accusing you of anything, just a guess. i used to be kind of like that, all non relaxed around people, now i just dont care.

and finally if you want any conversation deeper than shit small talk you have to know people better. the thing is people find it weird if someone they barely know walks up and wants to talk about something deep with them.

a way to talk to a new person basically is in a group of somoe people you already know. i am another here that doesnt like going to a party with a lot of people i dont know because i cant find what to talk about with people i dont know. i used to be scared to even try, but that passed some time ago. now i try but i swear people give me no help like i keep running into these conversational dead ends with the shit i try to talk about and they never offer up anything for me to go on. sometimes i rarely go to parties at all though, probably for that reason. like if someone who i know but dont know anyone they hang out with asks me to go to a party i will say now, for said reason.

no one is going to talk intellectual shit all the time. most people just dont do it at all. i personally like to, but rarely have the opportunity. i am not going to talk about something as stupid as the color of a bike for 25 minutes. i think there is some grey area. sometimes i want to talk about dumb shit too. the worst is when people who arent smart try to talk intellectual. i dont hate them for it, but why try to be something you arent, ill talk to you but dont talk a bout what you dont know.

the only exception for me is if i like a girl, i will actually listen intently to them talk about some mundane shit. i dont know why if i like someone like that then hearing it is totally different then hearing it from a normal person.

i am going to stop now. i am definitely no expert and it seems like i have just started typing a bunch of shit without really saying anything. i hope some of what i said can help, if not, it cant hurt. well hell maybe it can

[Tree_Burner]

Breaking the ice with someone can be a difficult thing to do at times, but just find ANYTHING to strike up a conversation with anyone. I.E. some article of clothing they might be wearing, something happening that you and the person or people are experiencing at the same moment, sports, music, etc. Some people just chat about nothing, I mean the average person will go blank if you talk about quantum physics, so keep it average at first.

Once you establish a conversation and a connection with a person, try to find out if they like to indulge in some tree burning, if they do, smoke them out! Smoking herb is a good way to socialize and talk to people.

Also try taking a class at a local college. That's a good place to meet intellectual people, or people with a decent amount of intelligence.

Just don't be scared or nervous about talking to others. Just Relax :-)

hope this helps buddy!

:thumbsup:

[dragonrider]

The people on Gandalf's bus are idiots. Only half of the people on my bus are idiots:


"I got that chain fixed on my bike."

"The bicycle is a faublous mode of transportation, don't you think? You get out in the fresh air and sunshine! It's at a pace that you can actually experience the world around you instead of just speeding by sealed inside a metal box. And it's so much better for the envronment than driving around in a gas-guzzling machine, spewing fumes everywhere you go."

"Yeah, but driving's better. My buddy got a new paint job on his car."

"Well, that must be nice for him. Isn't it great when you get something fixed up? Having something newly painted is like having something new. Although you have to be careful with paints --- I was reading recently that the volatile orgainc compunds that they use in paints are very bad for your health and the environemnt. There are some new regulations regarding VOCs going into effect in January."

"He got it painted blue."

"The word 'blue' is so interesting because of its diversity of meanings. It refers to the color, of course --- the clear sky or the deep sea. But there is also the meaining that refers to a sad or gloomy mood. It's such a nice color, but it also has this melancholy association. And then of course there is the blues musical style which, because of the typical subject matter of the music, takes it's name from that melancholy sense of the word. I've never understood the etymology of the term 'blue language' or 'blue film' in which 'blue' refers to risque or indecent, especially considering that blue is ofter also associated with purity --- the color associated with the Virgin Mary.'

"Yeah blue's good, I like red too..."

"It's intersting you would like both blue and red, because....."

[Reefer Rogue]

Talk about music and ganja and freedom and art and books and poetry and the sky. Talk about bloody anything, just keep talking to people. You'll find the rite one eventually, but only if you seek them.

[stinkyattic]

The more I see the thread title the more I wonder if you might come across as someone who considers himself a somewhat larger intellect than many people you talk to? This isn't an accusation, only a question to think about... it's been my experience that if I meet someone who seems to look down on me, I'll either become hostile or clam up. You CAN find a subject to talk to almost ANYONE about... practice on your hairdresser... :D

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

The more I see the thread title the more I wonder if you might come across as someone who considers himself a somewhat larger intellect than many people you talk to? This isn't an accusation, only a question to think about... it's been my experience that if I meet someone who seems to look down on me, I'll either become hostile or clam up. You CAN find a subject to talk to almost ANYONE about... practice on your hairdresser... :D


Nah, I'm really good at being friendly and easy going when I meet people; they tend to like me a lot. It's just that somehow, at some point, others bring it into something further that results in a relationship (friendly or otherwise). I can never seem to get past initial pleasantries.


Anyway, everybody, I'm not ignoring your posts, I'm just feeling really dizzy for some reason in the past couple days. Argh! Makes it hard to focus on anything.

[JD1stTimer]

Gandalf, this may sound strange, but it's what lifted me out of a gaping chasm of loneliness and despair (which I am slowly descending back into). I started attending a church where it was customary for everyone to hug each other at some point during the service, men, women, kids, doesn't matter. At first it really distressed me and everyone thought it was so weird for me to tense up. But after a while, I started enjoying it. The same way in Sunday school. Everyone was encouraged to give their opinions, and if you didn't volunteer every so many rounds the teacher would call on you and force it. This was also really hard for me but I stuck with it even when I thought I was going to quit. I found out that there is so much going on, it's not really as mindless as I thought. Most people are reading skin colors, facial expressions and muscle tone, and I think they can even smell emotions through pheromones to figure out if they really feel the way they're acting. It's almost an animal thing and the more you get in touch with it, the more you'll see subcommunication which is more sophisticated than the verbal language. For me though, I had to force myself over a period of years. It also helped that the people at this church would not say anything critical about what you had to say. And it doesn't have to be church. I think AA or anything else could work, but churches usually don't have a certain subgroup of people they are working with.