asking parents for money

[burnable]

I'm 25, married, 2 kids, rent. We have soaring medical bills and have been behind on several other unrelated payments. Sprint (worst m-fckers out there) decided they want to shut off our phones, with no grace period after going past due. we've been with them for 4 years and they have no interest in working with us.

Anyway, after much deliberation I decided to ask my dad for $200 to avoid service interruption. He complied, but I don't know how easy it is for him to spare that much, and my 'rents always want to help, and would never indicate that it's a big sacrifice. What's more I explicitly divorced their lifetime ideology a couple years ago, leading them to look unfavorably upon my lifestyle, politics, everything else. It sucks to show dependence on them when I detached myself from everything they value.

I don't really mind how I come across, I would mind it if it was hard for them to give/lend money (they won't ever let me pay them back). But like I say, they never show that it's a sacrifice, so there's a large degree of uncertainty. Has anyone else had to ask parents for money? How did they respond? How did you feel about doing it?

[stinkyattic]

I had to ask my dad to help me out last winter when I had legal problems involving my ex, lost my tenant suddenly (my ex had been stealing from him), and had to pour a couple grand into renovating the apartment before I could re-rent it. I was working 80 hours a week between 3 jobs, so it wasn't like I could just get a night job to help. I already had 2 of them.
I felt really like a failure since I value my independence above everything else. I've got a lot of pride. Too much, I sometimes think. It has hurt me in the past.

I HATED to do it, but I asked my dad to lend me the money for building supplies.

I'm almost 30 and have owned my own home for 3 years, but when you're single there's very little difference between making bills and not, and luckily my dad recognizes that and didn't look down on me for having to ask.
I was ready to pay him back this summer, and then BAM I got arrested- I'd rather not get into details, sorry- and had to put all that money into legal fees. Again, he understood, and told me he hadn't planned on accepting the money anyway, he'd meant it as a gift all along as long as he saw I was working hard.

Medical bills are rough, man. At least it's not legal to put them against your credit. Take care of the other stuff first.
Sprint is pure evil; I use them too, 8 years, have had nothing but problems from those dickheads.
I hear you when you are talking about having really different values from your parents but at the end of the day you're family, and this experience just reinforces that.

[friendowl]

i am the king of being broke
i have no one to ask for help
not one person on this planet
would i ask for help.

if i could i would have
but when i mess up i pay big time

ive had car repo'd
ive had my credit messed up
i have pretty much lived check to check for years

it aint easy
weed helps

blaze it

[burnable]

thanks guys. wow stinky that made my issues seem trivial by comparison. I would hate to be victimized by the legal system; it's so arbitrary and lurid it seems like they can do whatever they want and charge you whatever they want.

I've been wanting to smoke today just cause I feel so bad about asking my dad for money, but I'm in conservation mode and I have a deeply rooted principle that dictates that smoking to relieve mental discomfort at best only procrastinates the problem. I prefer to soberly feel the full burden of emotion, and I always feel better after a while, and it makes it much purer and smoother when I finally do toke up:stoned:

[TheSmokingMonkey]

Hey, I know how you feel, I'm going through some rough ideological and financial times myself. It is hard to put down your own roots in life only to find them yanked up by money-grubbing bastards at the utility and credit companies. It's usury.

But, $200 isn't a huge amount of money. My husband and I frequently rely on our parents for assistance in amounts larger than that, substantially larger than that.

We haven't publicly divorced their values, but I assume that familial love can transcend a few of those ideological differences.

You are pulling your share of the weight, right? It's good to feel responsible for your own family but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

And you're right. No drugs to dull the pain. I am in complete agreement. Drugs are for the happy times, to celebrate and feel alive.

[birdgirl73]

When Dave and I were young marrieds and both still in school and trying to get by on a pittance, our parents both helped us. Loving parents who have the means to assist do that happily, I think, and you shouldn't feel bad that you needed the help. Medical bills eat people alive. For us, although my parents and my in-laws refused, too, we insisted on paying them back when we got on our feet.

Burnable, ideological differences or not, from a parent's perspective, our kids are our kids, and we'll move heaven and earth to help them if it's within our power. If my son were in your situation and needed help, I'd do whatever it took to assist, even if I couldn't easily afford it. You have kids; you already know how that works. Doesn't matter how big they get, they're still your babies.

Hope the financial stresses ease up on you soon!

[VoidLivesOn]

Man reading this puts me like on the other side. I'm only 18, I'm pretty close to getting to experiance the independent life as soon as my girlfriend moves here we are to get an apartment. I know my parents will help out alot, and i HATE asking them for anything. Cause I know i've put them through allooottt of burden...running away, arrested, car wreck...I feel rotten sometimes. Thats why when I get on my feet I never want to ask them for anythign again, but I understand parents feel like they have to do it for their kids and i'll do it for my kids someday but I still feel guilty.

[Skrappie]

I'm young, and independent of anything others (not counting the ratties). But if something were to come up, such as the car breaking down, or sudden medical bill, the first people i would run to would be my parents. I don't ask them for much, but I know they will always be there for me.

In my opinion the Parental relationship does not end when you leave your original nest. Its a life long bond, that most of us will pick up at some point down the line.

[burnable]

I'm loving these vibes. I am definitely glad it wasn't more than $200. I also feel better with the fact that I very seldom ask them for money. I think the last time I did was '04 when I couldn't make my $375 rent payment. THey happily complied then, too. It was easier to ask cuz I was single. I just really hope that they feel somewhat good helping me out. I also wish that I felt a need to go to them for help for non-monatery reasons, but each time in the past I've done that it resulted in shit hitting fan blades, again owing to radically different value sets.

thanks birdgirl, yeah I would sacrifice my whole soul for either of my kids. There wouldn't even be any hesitation. I know my 'rents would too, which is why I don't know whether it was an easy sacrifice for them to make, since they respond postively, with such alacrity.

our financial struggles are very temporary. my wife's been promoted and had a 45% pay raise this year. it was the second kid, a new car, and the medical bills from my chronic daily headaches all at once that put us in the current situation, but we're almost caught up. thanks everyone for caring and for your insights