100 miles per hour

[Buck268]

ahhh... same every night. Try to do some homework after a long day, find myself to tired to think right... So its bed time, right? One would think so. but the instant my head touches the mattress (pillows make my neck hurt even worse) my brain kicks into high gear. Starts racing about 100mph, thinking on every conceivable trouble (or pleasentry) on my mind...

Take tonight for example. I want a cig. BAD. Its been 9 days since my last cig (by choice), and these past three have been, by far the hardest. Its gotten to the point where I'm trying to fool myself into smoking a cigar... but its the same thing, its a smoke. Its a smoke because I want a smoke more than anything else. Any smoke. Thats no good...

Of course, I'm sure it doesnt help, at all, that I'm laying off the greenery for a while. Couple reason, everything from money to morals (again, I need it. And I don't like to be dependant on anyone or anything). But pot helps me focus on 1 thought at a time (useful especially for doing homework, because I am always chugging away at multiple things, like my car and my calc test, and my physics homework, all will be actively on my mind). Of course, its definately easier ot make simple errors while high, which is the main reason I'm taking a break (an engineering degree doesnt go well with large pot intake). But I miss smoking. I wish I could go take my pooch for a walk through the woods and smoke a fat chronic joint right now. God that would be good, wouldn't it?

Got lots other things on my mind... haven't been the most social since I got out of the major drug scene (hell, I've never been the most social but its gotten really bad. Only freind I have is due to pot). Sucks. Basically all I do is go to class twice a week (though I do have 10 hours of class on Tuesday and 3 hours on Thurs) and go to work. Come back home and work on my car... Not saying I want to party like I used to, not at all! Just would be nice to meet a couple people I actually had something in common with for once... or even better, a nice lil chick :rolleyes: But that ain't gonna happen around here... All these suburban kids... I say kids for a reason too... I'm sick of this town.

I dunno, just rambling on... Can't sleep, can't relax. Hell probably doesnt help that just laying on my mattress causes my neck to become very sore and painful, even after only a couple minutes. By morning it takes a fair amount of stretching before it loosens up enough to function normal (hot shower always helps)... Back is starting to bother me at night too (though at no other times do I notice any back pain)... Fucking 20 years old, in fairly good shape (hell, I'm 215lbs and I can bust out 12 pull ups no problem)... This aint right man.

Yeah anyways um... I'll shut up now, I'm sure nobody really wants to hear this anyhow... I know I don't... Fuck this town, fuck this life.. Guess I'm just counting on things to change when I go away to school next fall (couple years at a Community College, working on a transfer to a university up north for next fall)... I dunno, hopefully I dont fuck it up by smoking too much pot and failing outta school again (drank my self outta college after my first year, cant afford to do that again... havent touched booze since I've gone back because of that)... Yeah so I guess I lied but now I really will shut up :cool:


And no I haven't done any drugs tonight. In fact I haven't dont anything besides herb in many months...

[sevkex]

i feel like im wearing your shoes, because your story sounds painfully parallel to my life, no pot, no friends other than ones that smoke, no women come around, live in a town filled with nothing, etc.. be happy you have a job lol, being broke sucks ass

[GHoSToKeR]

Im in the same boat, man.. I have friends, but i'm starting to feel more and more distant from them all the time.. It seems all I do now is work, play music and smoke weed Monday-Friday, and go out and get drunk on the weekends.. I dont even wanna be getting drunk on the weekends!...

But, dude, we're still young, right? Everyone goes through shitty phases, and %99 of the time it sorts itself out :)

[RESiNATE]

Of course, its definately easier ot make simple errors while high, which is the main reason I'm taking a break ...
:rolleyes:
Methinks that your theory falls down...lmaoo

Yups, welcome to my mindstate.
disassociation is an easy trap to fall into - very hard to get back out of, too

One begins to look at all the flaws of society, etc, and tarnishes all with the same brush...without meaning to.
And, when you havent the facility to make a life for yourself, it becomes even harder to find the motivation to do so...

I love being a stoner, but I am aware of all the 'dangers' that are inherent with it...disassociation, being one of them

when you go to bed, try directing a movie in your head, like, be the character that you always wish that you were, then make a film in your head - pay close attention to the setting and stuff - works for me...I never usually get past the opening scene, because I get fussy over how it should look...then i fall asleep

Your brain is downloading all the stuff that you've been studying - that's why you struggle to drop off...if you're cramming, or doing intensive study, then it stands to reason that your brain is struggling to organise 'it's thoughts'...so to speak...
Just study for an hour at a time, then break for 20mins, then an hour, then break, etc...give your brain a better chance to digest the input, init
then, when you go to bed, it has less stuff to organise - calmer brain - fall asleep easier...

what?

[Buck268]

Man, Res, the more I read your posts the more it seems we have in common...

One begins to look at all the flaws of society, etc, and tarnishes all with the same brush...without meaning to.
And, when you havent the facility to make a life for yourself, it becomes even harder to find the motivation to do so...

I love being a stoner, but I am aware of all the 'dangers' that are inherent with it...disassociation, being one of them

Right freaking on!!

Ahh well, I got to sleep eventually, now I'm off to the rear end shop to pick up the rear end for my car... Hopefully my new control arms get here soon so I can get her buttoned back up and out on the road!!

[NowhereMan]

Man, Res, the more I read your posts the more it seems we have in common...


Right freaking on!!

Ahh well, I got to sleep eventually, now I'm off to the rear end shop to pick up the rear end for my car... Hopefully my new control arms get here soon so I can get her buttoned back up and out on the road!!

the scene
some ol' half drunk moonshiner with a gun & two teeth left
say ing

"yea i reckon you know when ya licked"
************************************************** **
sometimes you just know shits gonna happen worse in the future and aint shit you can do but try not think of it to the piont that it makes you bang your head into walls.(man it dont help or i surely bang mine)

my best advice to any you younger crowd


Grow eyes in the back of your head
you will need them
peace

[BU5T4]

Hay mate,

Dont worry about it, I went through a stage like that when I was your age (26 now) we all do I guess. You will get over it just keep your head up.

As for the lack of sleep, I also used to have this problem, still do sometimes.

The best way I found how to solve it is just lay back on you bed with your hands at your sides and take some deap breaths in and out in and out.

Them start at your toes and relax every muscle from your toes to your feet all the way up your legs and body and work on each individual muscle untill you come to your head. at this point i imagine a great release from my forehead of all the strains and worries of the day.

Works for me. Actually works that well these days i rarely manage to get to my heals before im sleeping.

think it works because your consentrating on one thing rather than lots of worring thoughs from the day or coming days.

Hope this helps mate

BB

BU5T4