Question for women: Vaginal dyness and sex in general

[someuser]

I'm 29yrs (male) and would consider myself to be pretty sexually experienced. I will admit on a very few occasions over the YEARS dryness came up but rare and far inbetween.

So I've been dating this girl (she is 26) and several times now this has been an issue... Twice or three times being severe enough to either stop or be forced to use lube (astro gel seems to be a decent subsitute but I guess my ego doesnt like it regardless)... Other occasions I could just feel her getting 'dry' even though it isnt enough to cause us to stop or use gel.

I never had experience with this before and I'm concerned it might be me... She tells me she has 3+ orgasms (sometimes more) on average and just a few nights ago she had one so intense she screamed out and said she almost cried... She said it was her best one ever... BUT, I guess I'm still getting a little insecure here because for a young otherwise healthy girl to get dry on me is really messing with my ego.

I KNOW dryness can be an issue from time to time with women so before (if anyone) responds with some generic canned responce that it just sometimes happens, keep in mind this wasnt an issue with us in the beginning, wasnt an issue to my understanding in her past w/ others, and she is otherwise healthy (no yeast infection or any kind of other female condition).

She was on the Nuva ring and at first we blammed it on that... But I had my doubts because many times she still got so wet with me it was actually too much and it actually decreased sensations... But I gave her and the side-effect list the benefit of the doubt.

Now she is on Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo and this shit just happened again last night... I was so goddamn pissed I just went out and smoked a fat bowl till 5am in the morning.

To makes matters worse it was Half-Way (Irish thing) and she was pretty drunk... Which, for HER, makes her really horny... I wasnt even in the mood actually and then I was like, "What the hell" and she was all wet at first then 15mins later she was dry.



So I'm at the point where, while I love her, I just about had enough. I dont care if I'm being selfish, I'm sick of feeling my ego being kicked in the gut. Also, while I've been told I'm very good at oral (on her) I cant seem to get anything going on down there for the life of me... I mean I NEVER been with a girl who I cant get them to cum with oral... She actually drys up!!!!

I dont know... Right now I just feel like saying 'fuck it' and going back to what I consider to be a 'normal' woman who can stay fucking wet for more then 15 mins.

[birdgirl73]

You're pissed about something she has absolutely no control over? Please. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

The Pill can cause dryness. That's a classic side-effect of any hormonal birth control. Fluctuating hormone levels during the month can. Nuva-Ring can. Dehydration can, like when a person has had too much alcohol and not enough water. Even having sex with a running ceiling fan up above can aggravate dryness. It's certainly not just caused by too little arousal, but if your ego is so delicate as to feel you're "being kicked in the gut" because you believe otherwise, then the real solution here is to stop having sex immediately and get some therapy for yourself.

[Hilder420]

Dude thats so wrong... you are actually considering leaving the woman u supossedly love because she has a sexual health issue? Shame on you... she can probably just try to get on another of the many options of birth control pills available... every body is different and has different needs and apparently the one shes on now is causing her hormones to react in a cetain way that causes vaginal dryness.. i a medical issue that can be easily corrected... at this point you should just be grateful that an actual live woman lets u touch her.. instead of spending quality time with rosie.. think of this way... an instance which will happen to u eventually... the womann u love and who claims to love you leaves you because you couldnt get it up a few times... SHAME!!!

[VoidLivesOn]

haha thats funny birdgirl mentioned the ceiling fan.

man i just read your post and this scenerio sounds EXACTLY LIKE mine with my girl when she was here. she always told me it felt good, however it would still get dry and my ego felt a little hurt because i thought she was just telling me that so my feelings wern't hurt. then one day we were so horny we just went at it for like and hour and the celing fan was off cause i never turned the light switch on and it was wet like a water park the whole damn time. was that a bad analogy? excuse me.

[someuser]

Badgirl,

Yes I'm pissed over something she doesnt have control over! Just like she has got pissed over me drinking/smoking (close to sex) cause it gives me limp dick... Yes, I understand drinking/smoking is something I do have control over but the frustration is the exact same. She doesnt like and gets upset when my 'equipment' isnt working and I'm pissed when hers isnt. But I guess I'm the 'man' right Badgirl and I should just be understanding?

Saturday night she made it VERY clear she wanted sex that evening after we got home and even though I was DRUNK and HIGH and really just wanted to get to bed I focused, got myself in the mood, even built the excitement up, got all into it, she was all wet, then 15 mins into it she gets dry.

Yeah, I'm a guy so I wear my anger on my sleeve but there is no doubt in my mind if I was the one to let her down she would have been pissed as hell too.

But the point is, it isnt all about this one event... This has happened too many times now... It's at the point where I have a harder time getting excited because, as a guy, being unsure all the time really plays on my mind. If it was once in a blue moon like my past experiences that's one thing... I thought when she switched to this new BC this was going to be behind us... But the same BS is still going on.



I'm going over her house now... I dont expect I'll sleep with her even if she wants it (not to be trite but i'm just too pissed and anger sex never did it for me)... But if anyone has any suggestions... She is on the Ortho Try-Cyclen lo... I'll give her a month with this so she can adjust (just started it a few days ago)... But if this doesnt work if any girls have any other BC methods (I know everyone's body is different) please share... She doesnt want any non-hormonal options (we talked IUDs)... Condoms are out BTW.. We both dont like them... I am willing to get 'cut' but only if I marry her... Cant take the chance of us not working out and being sterile.

We have lube but I dont like having to use it (ego not because how it feels... In fact if nothing else, if some guy/girl reads this ASTRO LUBE is great stuff. To me it is very close to the real thing and is light weight so it doesnt take away from the sensations).

Also, any suggestions on oral with her? I tried the normal light licking, touching, ect... It's weird... I never meet a girl who cums so hard with intercourse but not when I stimulate her clit... Even when she does it while I'm doing my thing she rarely cums... But when she masturbates she tells me she does cum with her clit... But with me she is different... I dont know, I man enough to admit I dont know what the heck is going on here. I never had these issues before.


(sorry for the long post)

[birdgirl73]

Here's an idea. What about actually relating to each other and attempting sex when you're both sober and out from under any chemical influence, then seeing how that works? I'm not saying you alone need to be the only one to understand. If you have strong enough feelings to be intimate with someone, you both ought to be sympathetic about each other's sexual "circumstances." That ought not to be a hard conclusion to draw.

If you like and trust someone enough to be getting horizontal, then you ought to have enough affection and respect for each other to understand that sex has its less than stellar times, too--and to know that you can up the chances of a better time by bringing your A game to the sack. Frankly, it sounds like the communication between you two is lousy to begin with. I'm not normally this pessimistic, but the more I read, the more I think this thing is doomed. Asking for tips here isn't going to get you anyplace, either. The one you ought to be listening to is your partner.

[Blitzed]

Maybe your just boring her in bed, try something different, role play, new positions, a little submission/dominance, it could be possible that it is you that is the problem.

[KingsBlend420]

You're pissed about something she has absolutely no control over? Please. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

The Pill can cause dryness. That's a classic side-effect of any hormonal birth control. Fluctuating hormone levels during the month can. Nuva-Ring can. Dehydration can, like when a person has had too much alcohol and not enough water. Even having sex with a running ceiling fan up above can aggravate dryness. It's certainly not just caused by too little arousal, but if your ego is so delicate as to feel you're "being kicked in the gut" because you believe otherwise, then the real solution here is to stop having sex immediately and get some therapy for yourself.

Yea, my ex gf used to get kinda dry when we were having sex while she was on birth control. We broke up and still fooled around for a while afterwards and she stopped taking birth control and was wet as hell after she went off of it.

[stars stars stars]

I wonder what your girlfriend would think if she saw this thread.

[rebgirl420]

^I was thinking that.

Just b/c a girl isnt neccasirly wet doesnt mean she's not turned on. There can be many causes of dryness during sex. It shouldn't be a blow to your ego. But what SHOULD be a blow to your ego is how your talking about this "women that you love". How old are you? Your acting like a child.

Maybe the problem is you.

[ScaryMissMary]

Wow you sound like a real charming fella.

[LuckyG]

Wow you sound like a real charming fella.

Quoted for truth.


Yeah, I'm a guy so I wear my anger on my sleeve

Thanks for encouraging sexist stereotypes. I don't mean to come off as attacking you but it really pisses me off when people blame their personal faults on imagined gender-specific predilections.

[someuser]

Frankly, it sounds like the communication between you two is lousy to begin with. I'm not normally this pessimistic, but the more I read, the more I think this thing is doomed.

Actually, we have very good communication and we have talked about this before... The agreed upon conclusion was to first switch BC (from nuva ring to the ortho lo) and see how that went...

I also want to point out that when this happened I totally consoled her and said everything was fine... I didnt want her, at that time, to get upset over something I do know isnt her 'fault'. But I was frustrated and wanted to vent more then anything else....

Plus, as I said, we talked about this before (my girl and I) and I wanted input outside of what was said between her and I... We have blunt conversations but I know she loves me very much and, when it comes to sex, I dont know how blunt she would be with me... Again, hence the outside imput desire :thumbsup:

[someuser]

Maybe your just boring her in bed, try something different, role play, new positions, a little submission/dominance, it could be possible that it is you that is the problem.

I'm totally open to that possibility. Problem is, when I ask she says (quote) "she is more then satisfied" and that her 'body' sometimes doesnt always 'cooperate' with her mind/mental state... Which I totally dont get... When I'm mentally there, unless there is chemical substances in my body, my body cooperates.

[someuser]

I wonder what your girlfriend would think if she saw this thread.

My gf and I already had this conversation. If she saw this thread she wouldnt be reading anything new EXCEPT that I acted like it was no big deal this last Saturday cause I felt there was no use talking about the same thing with her again...

[someuser]

Wow you sound like a real charming fella.

Actually I am. However, I am a blunt/frank person who wanted blunt/frank imput. Which is why I accept all the criticism from this thread without any grudge or anger. I see no reason to pussy foot around the topic with a bunch of strangers on the 'net. I would sooner just get it out there black & white and hear the responces.

[ghosty]

well to be quite blunt... leaving her for this reason would make you kind of an ass... just use some lube, and if you're both still getting off and she's enjoying it then whats the big fuckin deal? and if something she has no control over feels like a kick in the gut to your ego, you really need to work on other means of self-confidence cause thats pretty damn shallow

[VoidLivesOn]

hey when your doing it with her say "I PAAAPPPIIII" chicks love that shit

[Megaz]

Actually she's suppose to say that. What you would be saying is "OH DADDY", that is a literal spanish to english translation.

[BBoyShotty]

You're pissed about something she has absolutely no control over?

im not agreeing with him, but i know plenty of girls who would drop a guy in a heartbeat because of his size n isnt that the same thing?

[dragonrider]

Maybe she is turned off my your insecurity over this minor issue.

This sounds like one of those things that spirals out of control. Like when a guy has performance anxiety, which leads to a weak erection, which leads to more anxiety and more problems. Maybe she had the dryness once or twice, noticed your concern, and now she is nervous enough to have a problem all the time. And I say "problem" becasue YOU think it is a problem --- it's not really much of a problem, just get over it, use some lube, and enjoy it.

[inbud]

i didnt read the whole post...but wow.....stop talking about dryness...get some AstroGlide or KY, Sex is sposed to be fun. And if you all cant find a way to get things going (hard) use the ky/astroglide on him. Remember fun, sex is spose to be fun not full of drama. oh yes...and from personal experience....EVERYONE is different!

[GraziLovesMary]

You're pissed about something she has absolutely no control over? Please. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

The Pill can cause dryness. That's a classic side-effect of any hormonal birth control. Fluctuating hormone levels during the month can. Nuva-Ring can. Dehydration can, like when a person has had too much alcohol and not enough water. Even having sex with a running ceiling fan up above can aggravate dryness. It's certainly not just caused by too little arousal, but if your ego is so delicate as to feel you're "being kicked in the gut" because you believe otherwise, then the real solution here is to stop having sex immediately and get some therapy for yourself.

You pretty much said everything I was going to.

My ex was on Ortho Hi and Lo for like 5 years, and that shit would happen all the time. It wasnt consistent, but it would happen. So when it did, we used lube and had amazing sex because thats what people who are happy with themselves do.

[GraziLovesMary]

. Asking for tips here isn't going to get you anyplace, either. The one you ought to be listening to is your partner.

Pretty much.

All women are different dude, as you have found out. Dont be too much of a "man"(pussy) to ask her how she likes it. If youve tried light stimulation, maybe try licking a bit harder. And if you change it up too often during oral, maybe that is ruining her concentration like it has with women that I have encountered. Try being as consistent as possible for as long as possible. Find a spot or speed, or method that makes her moan, and stick with that for as long as humanly possible.

And god damn dude... man up a little.

[someuser]

Maybe she is turned off my your insecurity over this minor issue.

I certainly think that compounds the problem. Being that her and I had a LONG talk about this once or twice she knows how much I get upset over it (not that I am upset with her at the time and act like an ass towards her but later when her or I bring it up I'll just be frank and tell her what I'm feeling). So I think there is some 'performance' anxiety that can come into play which just makes it worse...

[someuser]

All women are different dude, as you have found out. Dont be too much of a "man" (pussy) to ask her how she likes it. If youve tried light stimulation, maybe try licking a bit harder. And if you change it up too often during oral, maybe that is ruining her concentration like it has with women that I have encountered. Try being as consistent as possible for as long as possible. Find a spot or speed, or method that makes her moan, and stick with that for as long as humanly possible.

And god damn dude... man up a little.

Her and I have had very blunt talks about what I and her like... She gets multiple and forceful orgasms from vaginal intercourse when I hit her G-spot. I mean, she goes fucking crazy and she already 'squirted' on me twice...

The THING is though I want to do more for HER then just the G-spot thing... I talked to her and she just doesnt have much of a response as it relates to oral (she isnt as open as I am sexually and I think she gets embarrassed).

She has mentioned she wanted to play 'doctor' which I'm totally cool with but part of her fantasy involves toys we just dont have the money for at this very moment...

So, I've done my best to subsitute and be romantic (candle lit bubble baths, soft music, sex in the living room by the fire place where we can hear the rain drops, sex outside under the stars, and a whole shit-load more)...

But again, her lack of response with oral is really distrubing... I hear your suggestions and I've tried them... I fear it might be more phychological. I think she gets concerned over odor or 'discharge' (which was kinda common with the nuva ring) and I think she just cant focus...

That or maybe I should tell her to shave... She usually perfers her privates shaved but she doesnt because she knows I like hair down there... Maybe that is fucking with the sensitivity (and adding to odor that is making her self-conscious)? I dunno.

[GraziLovesMary]

I certainly think that compounds the problem. Being that her and I had a LONG talk about this once or twice she knows how much I get upset over it (not that I am upset with her at the time and act like an ass towards her but later when her or I bring it up I'll just be frank and tell her what I'm feeling). So I think there is some 'performance' anxiety that can come into play which just makes it worse...

Honestly dude, and for some reason Im putting alot of thought into this...

BC and dehydration can be major reasons, but I really think that she really does get turned off and distracted by your lack of self-confidence. Keep the lube within arms reach and just bust that shit out if need be without even thinkin about it, and after a while you will find you may not need it as much. If you like her, then its on you to make this better. Otherwise it will probably affect your sexual performance for the rest of your life.

[GraziLovesMary]

Her and I have had very blunt talks about what I and her like... She gets multiple and forceful orgasms from vaginal intercourse when I hit her G-spot. I mean, she goes fucking crazy and she already 'squirted' on me twice...

The THING is though I want to do more for HER then just the G-spot thing... I talked to her and she just doesnt have much of a response as it relates to oral (she isnt as open as I am sexually and I think she gets embarrassed).

She has mentioned she wanted to play 'doctor' which I'm totally cool with but part of her fantasy involves toys we just dont have the money for at this very moment...

So, I've done my best to subsitute and be romantic (candle lit bubble baths, soft music, sex in the living room by the fire place where we can hear the rain drops, sex outside under the stars, and a whole shit-load more)...

But again, her lack of response with oral is really distrubing... I hear your suggestions and I've tried them... I fear it might be more phychological. I think she gets concerned over odor or 'discharge' (which was kinda common with the nuva ring) and I think she just cant focus...

That or maybe I should tell her to shave... She usually perfers her privates shaved but she doesnt because she knows I like hair down there... Maybe that is fucking with the sensitivity (and adding to odor that is making her self-conscious)? I dunno.

Hmmm... this new information sheds alot of light.. If she prefers shaved herself, then even though shes doing it for you, maybe she secretly feels less attractive? Distractions are bad if you want her to orgasm, as you well know. As opposed to telling her to shave, though, maybe try asking her if having hair down there makes her feel less attractive. I know what you mean about her being embarrassed to talk about sex, Ive dealt with that plenty, but you can always get it out of them as long as you can make them feel comfortable.

Good luck.

[someuser]

well to be quite blunt... leaving her for this reason would make you kind of an ass... just use some lube, and if you're both still getting off and she's enjoying it then whats the big fuckin deal? and if something she has no control over feels like a kick in the gut to your ego, you really need to work on other means of self-confidence cause thats pretty damn shallow

I dont know dude. I hear what you're saying but I dont think it is fair to judge other people's insecurities... I've been man enough to fess up to my fear/insecurity and even post it on a public forum in hope of getting some kind of responce(s) that might help...

It's important to me both with my ego and physically that she can function 'normally' (not to say her or I might have our days where things just dont work but for the most part I think they should). When my ego gets kicked I get axienty myself which makes it harder for me to get normal errections with her because I keep thinking "is she going to get dry"... I also like having sex for periods of time in the 45 - 60 + minute range... Hard to do when dryness keeps coming up...

And we do have that astro gel (which is awesome) but I dont want to have to use it several times a month... On occasion, whatever... But every 3rd or 5th time is just too much...

I know leaving her over it would make me an ass but staying with her and eventually looking elsewhere is just as bad... I love her very much and I'm willing to try whatever to get her to 'normalize' so here I am posting on this forum :thumbsup:

[someuser]

BC and dehydration can be major reasons, but I really think that she really does get turned off and distracted by your lack of self-confidence. Keep the lube within arms reach and just bust that shit out if need be without even thinkin about it, and after a while you will find you may not need it as much. If you like her, then its on you to make this better. Otherwise it will probably affect your sexual performance for the rest of your life.

I'll try that as see if that helps... I know when she or I worry about it, it seems to make it worse... I just dont want to always have to use it you know? If it takes a bit for her to get back to 'normal' then I'll keep a vat of astro-gel next to our bed... But I just dont want to do that for the rest of our relationship you know?

I mean, what about when we want to be more spontaneous? Cant always have lube with us.



Hmmm... this new information sheds alot of light.. If she prefers shaved herself, then even though shes doing it for you, maybe she secretly feels less attractive? Distractions are bad if you want her to orgasm, as you well know. As opposed to telling her to shave, though, maybe try asking her if having hair down there makes her feel less attractive. I know what you mean about her being embarrassed to talk about sex, Ive dealt with that plenty, but you can always get it out of them as long as you can make them feel comfortable.

Yeah, I'm starting to think that being the type of woman she is she is willing to do whatever she thinks makes me happy even if it might be 'distracting' her... She has said to me recently when we kinda talked about this that shaving makes her clit much more sensitive... But I figured she was talking more about the residual rubbing during sex, not when I'm down there 'parting' things and getting my tongue where it needs to be...

I hate for her to shave though cause I really prefer my woman to look like a woman and not some young teen/early 20 something (no offense, I just like women who look like women) but if that is what it takes I guess it wouldnt be as much as a big deal.


I appreciate the thought you put into this man... It's an important thing for me so I appreciate you giving your thought-out advice :jointsmile:

[GraziLovesMary]

I'll try that as see if that helps... I know when she or I worry about it, it seems to make it worse... I just dont want to always have to use it you know? If it takes a bit for her to get back to 'normal' then I'll keep a vat of astro-gel next to our bed... But I just dont want to do that for the rest of our relationship you know?

I mean, what about when we want to be more spontaneous? Cant always have lube with us.




Yeah, I'm starting to think that being the type of woman she is she is willing to do whatever she thinks makes me happy even if it might be 'distracting' her... She has said to me recently when we kinda talked about this that shaving makes her clit much more sensitive... But I figured she was talking more about the residual rubbing during sex, not when I'm down there 'parting' things and getting my tongue where it needs to be...

I hate for her to shave though cause I really prefer my woman to look like a woman and not some young teen/early 20 something (no offense, I just like women who look like women) but if that is what it takes I guess it wouldnt be as much as a big deal.


I appreciate the thought you put into this man... It's an important thing for me so I appreciate you giving your thought-out advice :jointsmile:

No prob dude, I did it because after reading a few more of your posts I got the feeling that you really do like her, you just are worried that this issue is going to end your relationship with worse results in the future.

If you two are close at all, then you are going to pick up on each others most hidden moods. Wether subconsciously or consciously, the tiniest of insecurities can have the largest of effects in the bedroom where intimacy is truly defined. Love the things about her body that she hates and make sure to tell her all the time. Make her feel sexy, and dont think that using lube makes you less of a man. Ive had sex for 8 hours with no lube, and othertimes I needed it after 20 minutes. Not a big deal, its just the way things work. Try getting a lube that takes two drops and lasts for like 4 hours... they sell em in sex shops.

[TheDefiler]

Dude just get off your high horse and use the fucking lube! U should be lucky u have anyone to fuck cause some of us aren't so lucky!

[FakeBoobsRule]

I'm surprised no one mentioned this, is your girlfriend a smoker too? Marijuana can cause vaginal dryness as well as some other chemicals and substances.

I have been with many girls that were wet 24/7 and it is a turn on as well as being with some girls that I could make squirt or get incredibly wet during sex. But every once in a while I had to prime them with some Astroglide or K-Y to get things flowing at first and it never made me feel less of a man. Sometimes shit happens and all you can do is offer a little lube or saliva.

The vagina is a weird wild animal. Many men and women have dedicated their whole lives to studying the vagina to unlock its hiden mysteries only to be stopped before realizing their dream, crushed in their pursuit of knowledge and power! Others have unlocked the power of the vagina only to be stopped by the riddle of a girl and her unpredicatable ways. Once you get one figured out, a new mystery is revealed. :lol5:

I would like to think I know enough about the girl and more than enough about the vagina. More than enough to please and enough not to get burned.

[Cyceiro]

Dude, it could be anything.

-her time of the month is coming up.
-birth control.
-stress at work/home/with family/friends
-a vaginal infection


Unless she is faking (which I seriously doubt given what you said), it most likely has asolutely NOTHING to do with you.
Lube is not something that should lower your ego. If a woman gets dry, use it and be happy that science gave us something to rely on when multiple problems cause us to lose wetness.
Try being more confident, maybe even continue foreplay DURING sex a little.
(a.k.a. playing with her clit, dirty talking, etc.)

If that doesnt help, make sure she is happy with your relationship or what may be going on with friends/family. Try to help solve any problems or offer to talk or help.

If THAT doesnt help, maybe she should talk to her gyno about change in diet, washing rituals, hormone balances, medications, etc.


Sorry if I rambled or someone else already said everything Ive said.
Hope it helps.

B

[dragonrider]

Many men and women have dedicated their whole lives to studying the vagina to unlock its hiden mysteries only to be stopped before realizing their dream, crushed in their pursuit of knowledge and power!

These people were a secret society known as the Illumitwati.

[someuser]

No prob dude, I did it because after reading a few more of your posts I got the feeling that you really do like her, you just are worried that this issue is going to end your relationship with worse results in the future.

That is EXACTLY it bro.


After about 2 or 3 weeks now on the ortho lo the dryness problem has totally seemed to go away :thumbsup:


There is no doubt though in my mind that my insecurity was ADDING to the problem while she was on the ring though. It also makes me feel better hearing I'm not the only guy who found themselves in this situation. I cant say I really talk to my friends about it... Last thing I need is to get my balls busted all the time over it.

I appreciate everyone who added both constructive positive and negative criticism. I hope this issue is settled now :jointsmile:

[VoidLivesOn]

good job man, now go get you some.

[GraziLovesMary]

That is EXACTLY it bro.


After about 2 or 3 weeks now on the ortho lo the dryness problem has totally seemed to go away :thumbsup:


There is no doubt though in my mind that my insecurity was ADDING to the problem while she was on the ring though. It also makes me feel better hearing I'm not the only guy who found themselves in this situation. I cant say I really talk to my friends about it... Last thing I need is to get my balls busted all the time over it.

I appreciate everyone who added both constructive positive and negative criticism. I hope this issue is settled now :jointsmile:

Glad to hear it my friend, things like that come and go sometimes, just stick with it and dont give up over the small shit! Good luck with everything, hope it all stays cool.