Ganj
09-22-2007, 11:51 AM
I'm talking about times of guilt. Who knows what you're going through? Who knows what thoughts of guilt one is trying to escape at any given moment?
Lets take a common scenario for me into consideration. In this scene, I am sitting on the couch--thoughts are racing through my head and my guilt I cannot escape. There are other people in the room with me. These people are talking about situations where they have been robbed or stolen from. Now I'm thinking. "Oh god! I have robbed before! (exclamations included for dramatization)." Now I'm thinking about my crime specifically. Suddenly, I shout "I am guilty!!" "I stole that ounce." The strangers tilt their head in bewilderment. "What are you talking about?"
Apparently, I was out of line. I thought I was done for. I thought they knew everything about my case. How can someone's guilt be so overwhelming that it numbs the rest of their senses? Anyone in their right mind could tell the strangers were not discussing my crime in particular but something of a similar nature. However, similarities occur all the time, consequently I am frequently out-lashing on unsuspecting persons.
It is the moment of guilt, escalating to the point of irrational outbursts, that I am particularly interested in. Why does it become so intense that my only outlet is acting like an out-of-line prostitute, begging for mercy?
Oh, social world! Take pity on me and be merciful! For my individual ego is disconnected from the group dynamic. It is all about me! The setting, the people; it is all about me. This website and it's members...you thought it was a free web-community but actually it is means to learn about Cody, to torment Cody, to bring Cody facing the piper! Then I say to you all, my past actions are unjustifiable! They will not find contentment in moral justification or euphemistic labeling. I accept responsibility and consequences for my guilt. Now can I move on?
What is this mode that has found me? What tidbits of knowledge shall set me free? I think that overcoming this issue requires more than making amends. Some debts can be paid with money, others must be tended to with diligence in your bereavement through concentrating on what you can do in day-to-day for someone who you have done wrong. Is that what taking responsibility is all about? I'm not trying to squirm out of my guilt by saying others should be more forgiving either. I don't want to be at my father's mercy but I have wronged him greatly in the past, to the point where I think it's unwise to browse the kitchen for goods. When I try to rationalize these emotions, I come to the conclusion that I am merely weighing my options, I am searching for answers. Does this rationalization justify being unemployed and lazy? My answer to that is "I can't work if I'm apathetic about the idea!" That's what I think! However, I have obligations to my house and family. If they say I have until December to get a job or it is to the streets I go, then I shall respect that. After all, I owe them at least this much. I'm guilt-free and on the road to success! And I sound like an overweight dieter! Woohoo!
Lets take a common scenario for me into consideration. In this scene, I am sitting on the couch--thoughts are racing through my head and my guilt I cannot escape. There are other people in the room with me. These people are talking about situations where they have been robbed or stolen from. Now I'm thinking. "Oh god! I have robbed before! (exclamations included for dramatization)." Now I'm thinking about my crime specifically. Suddenly, I shout "I am guilty!!" "I stole that ounce." The strangers tilt their head in bewilderment. "What are you talking about?"
Apparently, I was out of line. I thought I was done for. I thought they knew everything about my case. How can someone's guilt be so overwhelming that it numbs the rest of their senses? Anyone in their right mind could tell the strangers were not discussing my crime in particular but something of a similar nature. However, similarities occur all the time, consequently I am frequently out-lashing on unsuspecting persons.
It is the moment of guilt, escalating to the point of irrational outbursts, that I am particularly interested in. Why does it become so intense that my only outlet is acting like an out-of-line prostitute, begging for mercy?
Oh, social world! Take pity on me and be merciful! For my individual ego is disconnected from the group dynamic. It is all about me! The setting, the people; it is all about me. This website and it's members...you thought it was a free web-community but actually it is means to learn about Cody, to torment Cody, to bring Cody facing the piper! Then I say to you all, my past actions are unjustifiable! They will not find contentment in moral justification or euphemistic labeling. I accept responsibility and consequences for my guilt. Now can I move on?
What is this mode that has found me? What tidbits of knowledge shall set me free? I think that overcoming this issue requires more than making amends. Some debts can be paid with money, others must be tended to with diligence in your bereavement through concentrating on what you can do in day-to-day for someone who you have done wrong. Is that what taking responsibility is all about? I'm not trying to squirm out of my guilt by saying others should be more forgiving either. I don't want to be at my father's mercy but I have wronged him greatly in the past, to the point where I think it's unwise to browse the kitchen for goods. When I try to rationalize these emotions, I come to the conclusion that I am merely weighing my options, I am searching for answers. Does this rationalization justify being unemployed and lazy? My answer to that is "I can't work if I'm apathetic about the idea!" That's what I think! However, I have obligations to my house and family. If they say I have until December to get a job or it is to the streets I go, then I shall respect that. After all, I owe them at least this much. I'm guilt-free and on the road to success! And I sound like an overweight dieter! Woohoo!