JimmyJazz
09-20-2007, 08:51 PM
Hello.
I have been on medications for the last year or so for treatment for severe depression and anxiety disorders such as: OCD, Panic attacks, insomnia, eating disorders and violent mood swings.
I had tried MJ with friends in highschool, and I was immediatley hooked to the feeling and social benifits it brought me. Both my parents are former alcoholics and I know of their former hard drug use and addiction runs in my family. Junkie cousins and alcoholic family members. I guess this lead to my temperary infatuation with MJ. I started becoming more and more depressed and using MJ to try and remedy it, then moving on to alcohol nightly, just to be able to sleep.
My friends moved farther down the drug/booze use path and I knew how I could wind up in a few short years with my addictive personality if I continued to hang out with them. After having a panic attack while driving I sought some help. I went to the clinic and was given prozac and quickly sent on my way.
After being placed on an EIGHT MONTH WAITING LIST FOR URGENTLY NEEDED PSYCHIATRIC COUNCELLING, I went on as usual, trying to get through each day, popping the pills like a good boy.
Then, out of the blue, a receptionist calls me and beings discussing my medical history, medication program and my near suicide attempt. This is information I only told my family doctor. Turns out, he willingly gave this information to this receptionist without my concent and had a file on me before I even spoke to her. I had no idea I had been referred to this agency (a gov't sponsored councelling center) and was "being given my pre-screening interview" as I walked down the street. Turns out, if your going to kill yourself, they put you at the front of the line. And if your not going to kill yourself? Fuck you, wait the eight months.
The side effects from taking 80 mg of Prozac daily is severe. They wouldn't give me any other medications, even if they were better for me, such as zoloft, because they come with a higher risk of dependency for people 18 and under, even though I'm 6'1 and weigh 237 pounds. I got the same bullshit over sleep medications, it usually took two to three to have an effect on me.
I couldn't sleep at all. I would crash after being awake for up to 48 hours at a time. I would go into trances from being so doped up I would forget to think and stare into space for minutes. I didn't feel as depressed, because I couldn't feel anything at all.
After trying MJ again, I rebounded.
While the pills do help my anxiety and make me calmer, they also make me feel like the walking dead. MJ brought me back to life. I could feel again, taste my food again, laugh at stupid shit and be a better brother to my siblings and a better help to my mother, who is taking care of all three of us inspite of her own medical problems.
I find that if I have a bowl after taking my meds in the morning it helps me adjust to the rush of chemicals and get my metabolism going to I can eat something in the morning besides caffeine. A couple of tokes in the afternoon and before bed and I feel no pain all day. (I also have a herniated disk in my lower back which gives me spasms and numbness in my right leg.) When i'm baked I don't feel so alone at home while I read and take care of my little weed plants. Simple things like this seem keep me centered. My family doesn't know the extent of my condition, my friends are all going to college and working now, and I'm home, trying to but back the peices and regain an interest in life.
I'm afraid that if I go to my doctor, the same prick who sold me out, he wouldn't take me seriously about wanting MMJ. He's the only doctor I've had any kind of stable history with, so I'm sorta stuck here. I can get as much weed as I want, pounds if I desire, but all of my dealers are into hard drugs and it makes me extremely worried having to associate with them. Either that or get dirt weed off the street for 10$ a gram, or pinch from my mom's stash, which isn't cool.
What should I do? I just want a safe, reliable source for my MJ.
I have been on medications for the last year or so for treatment for severe depression and anxiety disorders such as: OCD, Panic attacks, insomnia, eating disorders and violent mood swings.
I had tried MJ with friends in highschool, and I was immediatley hooked to the feeling and social benifits it brought me. Both my parents are former alcoholics and I know of their former hard drug use and addiction runs in my family. Junkie cousins and alcoholic family members. I guess this lead to my temperary infatuation with MJ. I started becoming more and more depressed and using MJ to try and remedy it, then moving on to alcohol nightly, just to be able to sleep.
My friends moved farther down the drug/booze use path and I knew how I could wind up in a few short years with my addictive personality if I continued to hang out with them. After having a panic attack while driving I sought some help. I went to the clinic and was given prozac and quickly sent on my way.
After being placed on an EIGHT MONTH WAITING LIST FOR URGENTLY NEEDED PSYCHIATRIC COUNCELLING, I went on as usual, trying to get through each day, popping the pills like a good boy.
Then, out of the blue, a receptionist calls me and beings discussing my medical history, medication program and my near suicide attempt. This is information I only told my family doctor. Turns out, he willingly gave this information to this receptionist without my concent and had a file on me before I even spoke to her. I had no idea I had been referred to this agency (a gov't sponsored councelling center) and was "being given my pre-screening interview" as I walked down the street. Turns out, if your going to kill yourself, they put you at the front of the line. And if your not going to kill yourself? Fuck you, wait the eight months.
The side effects from taking 80 mg of Prozac daily is severe. They wouldn't give me any other medications, even if they were better for me, such as zoloft, because they come with a higher risk of dependency for people 18 and under, even though I'm 6'1 and weigh 237 pounds. I got the same bullshit over sleep medications, it usually took two to three to have an effect on me.
I couldn't sleep at all. I would crash after being awake for up to 48 hours at a time. I would go into trances from being so doped up I would forget to think and stare into space for minutes. I didn't feel as depressed, because I couldn't feel anything at all.
After trying MJ again, I rebounded.
While the pills do help my anxiety and make me calmer, they also make me feel like the walking dead. MJ brought me back to life. I could feel again, taste my food again, laugh at stupid shit and be a better brother to my siblings and a better help to my mother, who is taking care of all three of us inspite of her own medical problems.
I find that if I have a bowl after taking my meds in the morning it helps me adjust to the rush of chemicals and get my metabolism going to I can eat something in the morning besides caffeine. A couple of tokes in the afternoon and before bed and I feel no pain all day. (I also have a herniated disk in my lower back which gives me spasms and numbness in my right leg.) When i'm baked I don't feel so alone at home while I read and take care of my little weed plants. Simple things like this seem keep me centered. My family doesn't know the extent of my condition, my friends are all going to college and working now, and I'm home, trying to but back the peices and regain an interest in life.
I'm afraid that if I go to my doctor, the same prick who sold me out, he wouldn't take me seriously about wanting MMJ. He's the only doctor I've had any kind of stable history with, so I'm sorta stuck here. I can get as much weed as I want, pounds if I desire, but all of my dealers are into hard drugs and it makes me extremely worried having to associate with them. Either that or get dirt weed off the street for 10$ a gram, or pinch from my mom's stash, which isn't cool.
What should I do? I just want a safe, reliable source for my MJ.