Lyrics to 2 songs written by me, feedback wanted

[ghosty]

These songs when read through are obviously about a relationship gone sour, infact they are both refering to the same girl, who was once a best freind but like closer who SEVERLY betrayed me and fucked me over.

This first one is intended to be a more straight up rock song

"Rag Doll (Misery Loves Company)"

Sew me.. back together
'Cause lately I've been falling apart
Got me feelin', so unravelled
from the games you play, with my broken heart
Feelin' like my own voodoo doll
You push your pins in me just to watch me crawl

They say misery loves company and I stuck around
Seems all you ever do is drag me down
But when you're feelin' better I'm nowhere to be found
Tossed aside like a rag doll, I hit the ground

Does it make you feel better
To treat me the way you do?
Either way it doesn't matter
You'll get what's comin' to you
Ash to ash, dust to dust
But you're cold as steel, so I assume you rust

They say misery loves company and I stuck around
Seems all you ever do is drag me down
But when you're feelin' better I'm nowhere to be found
Tossed aside like a rag doll, I hit the ground

Well I
don't know WHY I even TRY
anymore
But NO TEARS will I CRY
Cause deep INSIDE
Thier frozen cold
NOW
is the TIME
if you FEEL
you've something to say
Before I
Turn my BACK
Pull out my PINS
and walk AWAY...

They say misery loves company, FIND SOMEONE ELSE
I'm sick and tired of living, THROUGH THIS HELL
And when it all crashes down and I'm nowhere TO BE FOUND
Tossed aside like a rag doll YOU'LL HIT THE GROUND

[ghosty]

The Second one was written shortly after she betrayed me, this is a person who at one point meant more to me then anything in the world, and to have it go sour left me very angry and bitter. This one is without a doubt probably the most angry and cryptic song I've written, but I think the metaphor works perfectly. I intended this one to be more of a heavier sludge/doom type song in the vein of bands like Isis, or the more slower Deftones songs

"Siren"

And the day that they all leave you hanging
The day that no one else plays your game
I hope the emptiness surrounds you
I hope the echoes drive you insane

Like a siren you cried out your song
And its beauty moved me
But it was poison, a curse all along
Oh how you fooled me

And the day that it comes back to haunt you
The day the ghosts chill the skin
I hope the shadow engulfs you
I hope the undertow pulls you in

Like a siren you cried out your song
And it's beauty moved me
But it was poison a curse all along
Oh how you fooled me

Siren (Now I've figured you out, and there's reason to fear you)
Siren (Will you still cry your song out when nobody hears you?)
Siren (From your island of deceit, cry out alone)
Siren (Ring out forever your haunting drone)

[Hardcore Newbie]

I love checking out the original music thread, so I'm subscribing to this thread to check it out when I can give your lyrics my full attention.

[Hardcore Newbie]

Really solid bro, I'd like to hear the type of music that they'd be sung to.

[Chronisseur]

Very well done! I, too would like to hear it to music.:thumbsup:


...Why dont you grace the 'original cann.com poetry/rap' thread?