Why why why WHY?!

[Purple Banana]

THE DAY I am supposed to break up with my boyfriend (I'm too busy for anything right now, he's very clingy, a total momma's boy, and he has failed his driver's test 3 times. He's 20.) he walks 5 HOURS to my house from his to bring me flowers. I wasn't there, I was at work.

I can't believe this. I appreciate it in a kind of a "It's so sweet, I've never had a guy do this, but it's gonna make the break-up MUCH more difficult" WHY WOULDN'T HE CALL 1 800 FLOWERS?!

I don't know what to do... I am soooo tempted to text message breakup, but he (nor any other guy) deserves something that shitty.

[make it legal]

Lol, other guy?

[I Justburn 247]

damn five hours?! do him a favor and end it. sounds like maybe this is his first relationship or somethin and he's not really sure how it's supposed to go..

Stay high

[Purple Banana]

No, I WISH I had another guy... I would never cheat on him, nor break up with him for another guy anyway, that plain sucks.

I'm going to do it tonight, I just don't know what to say... I was really optimistic about the whole thing in the beginning of our relationship, but I feel that might be because his mom (whom I work with) played matchmaker, and I guess I just went with it.

[stinkyattic]

Oooooh clingy to the maxxx.
Sweet, yes...
Stalker potential? Perhaps.
Run away!!!!

[Purple Banana]

I'm really close to his mom, and she would smack him over the head for pulling something like this, but it's going to make working with her much more different- she was happy I was making him happy. It's not her relationship, we both realize that, but she tends to take things personally and hold a grudge. She's a great woman, but she is moody. I hate to see her like that, but it has to happen...

I was thinking of saying Im too busy for anyone right now (which is true), and it's not fair to him to maybe see him once a month, and I love him, but not in a romantic way, like a friend love.

EDIT: Thank GOD we didn't have sex, he's a virgin, and he's from those "Only have sex with someone you REALLY REALLY love and is 'The One' " kind of camps.

[IThinkIamFeelingit]

WE HAVE A STAGE I CLINGER ON OUR HANDS

[JaggedEdge]

If it helps the whole process think of this way. What guy in his right mind would even consider walking 5 hours to your house just to bring you flowers. Delivery seemed like the obvious option to me as well.

Just be polite about it and explain to him you are both in two different places in your life. Therefore, you honestly can't imagine a healthy future with him. I always preferred direct breakups. I start of nice and they more they push or the more they would try and get me to change my mind, I would tell him even more bluntly, why I don't want to be with them.

There really is no real nice way to break up with someone. Or rather, when you are really nice about it, you stand a greater chance of accomplishing nothing and wind up still dating them after the two hour long sob fest...

I hate breaking up.

Good luck

[Purple Banana]

Trust me, I really really want to end it, and I won't ever go back to him... He's just too needy.

But thanks for the words of advice. Im doing it tonight at 7 o'clock (6 o'clock Central), so tune in!

[Weedhound]

Wow....never seen anyone actually set a time limit on it before. Good luck and get rid of hiim.......however close you may be to his mom I'm not sure that's enough but I hope so. What does she think of him walking five hours to bring you flowers? Why isn't she cracking him over the head for that? That one ALONE is enough to set off plenty of alarm bells in my head.

Don't mince words and don't let him down nicely. Thanks for the memories....we aren't right for each other. Period. Don't discuss it, don't say it's you and not him. Stick to the first two sentences and that's it.....anything else.....get a lawyer first.

good luck......really. ;)

[ganjzilla]

WE HAVE A STAGE I CLINGER ON OUR HANDS


hahahahaha wedding crashers is the shit, you motor boating sob u
:thumbsup:

[Psycho4Bud]

A lil' song I sing at the bar.....this thread made me think of it. Good luck to ya..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kskFvErnVQ

Have a good one!:jointsmile:

[jdmarcus59]

he flucked his driving test 3 times? the guy dosent need a girl friend he needs a brain.

[Weedhound]

DUMP HIM ASAP :wtf:

[Purple Banana]

Aww thanks, Psycho... FOR MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY. Jk. I appreciate it :)

I haven't talked to his mom yet, and she'd probably hit him over the head. Shit, we were talking the other week about him, she said "He'd probably walk to your house if he was in the right mindset... He can be an idiot, but he's really a good kid," I don't know if that was foreshadowing or not. Bascially it seems like she's ready to admit his faults, and even point them out, but she still brings it back with 'He's a sweet kid.' He is, but I just don't feel anything for him other than a mild (at best) friendship. I will be direct with him, though.

EDIT: I wish he looked like Kid Rock, had the guitar skills and actual personality, but nope.

EDIT EDIT: I put a time limit on it because I know if I just say "Eh, I'll do it later," then I'll put it off. It just gives me something to look at deadline-wise, I suppose.

[Psycho4Bud]

I'll tell ya.........I'm 45 and if there is one thing that I have learned is that life is way to short to stay in a situation that you don't want. Relationships, job, whatever.........find YOUR happy place, not someone elses.

Have a good one!:jointsmile:

[slipknotpsycho]

well i hope you do atleast keep the decency enough to do it in person, he does deserve that much atleast.

and since he's so clingy it's gonna make things like 10x worse... but it's better to break things off then just lead someone on.

[Purple Banana]

Oh yeah, I'm definately doing it in person... We go out for drives once in a while and just talk, I'll drive for about 1/4 hour, then break it to him, discuss, and drop him off.

Done and done.

[L Rag]

Haha gutted bro! I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago.. Pretty much the same clingyness and everything. And the day I was gonna go see her to break up with her, she goes on this big talk about the ball and how she's planning her dress and getting it soon and everything haha shit. But seriously, I was talking to my mate..And for me, as well as my mates, we'd prefer to get broken up by text. I don't see the problem with it, its a lot less awkward and shit. But yeah good luck with that haha

[Nation_1ne]

And he has failed his driver's test 3 times. He's 20.)

Hell, I'm 20 and not even taken mine. No wonder women hate me, I always thought it was due to me being an abusive asshole.

[AR15]

I'm really close to his mom, and she would smack him over the head for pulling something like this, but it's going to make working with her much more different- she was happy I was making him happy. It's not her relationship, we both realize that, but she tends to take things personally and hold a grudge. She's a great woman, but she is moody. I hate to see her like that, but it has to happen...

I was thinking of saying Im too busy for anyone right now (which is true), and it's not fair to him to maybe see him once a month, and I love him, but not in a romantic way, like a friend love.

EDIT: Thank GOD we didn't have sex, he's a virgin, and he's from those "Only have sex with someone you REALLY REALLY love and is 'The One' " kind of camps.

Well it's good you know what you have to do. I hate seeing people too attached to their mom's (I have a friend like that). And if her mom decides to hold a grudge over it, (excuse the language) then fuck her, really. And in that case I'd say tell her off and let her know it's none of her business and she needs to let go of her son and let him grow up. And if he can't do it on his own, then she's half at fault for not pushing him out of the nest.

I don't agree with letting him off quick and to the point. It needs to be to the point, but I would at least clearly let him know why. At least let him learn from the situation. I'd say tell him that he needs to grow up, and look at life in a more serious and responsible manner. And tell him relationships like this won't work. If he wants one that will, he should go for someone who doesn't have responsibilities and is not that independent yet.

Well good luck, I'd say you got this under control.


Wow....never seen anyone actually set a time limit on it before.

Well, I'd say the reason why there's a time limit is because as she said, she's very busy. If your week is packed, week after week, when you need to take care of something that isn't in your regular schedule, out of what little free time you have, you need to figure when you can fit that in. And then you have to make sure you do it. So if she has a window where she can go see him at 7 and do it, then she has to do it then otherwise it could go on for another week or so.

[Weedhound]

I'll tell ya.........I'm 45 and if there is one thing that I have learned is that life is way to short to stay in a situation that you don't want. Relationships, job, whatever.........find YOUR happy place, not someone elses.

Have a good one!:jointsmile:

That is without a doubt the best statement I've heard all day. :thumbsup:

And PB....the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Don't count on his mom imo.

[Weedhound]

The problem AR..... IN MY HUMBLE OPINION....THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK.....is that you are expecting people who are not normal....to act normal. That is EXACTLY what's going to get PB into trouble. This guy (and his mom) don't want to hear about all the normal reasons life happens....they don't see life the same way as people who DON'T walk to someone house for 5 hours to drop off flowers and DONT look the other way and say "really....how cute is that?" about their child's bizarre behavior.

I stick by what I said. ;)

[Weedhound]

And I'd also be willing to bet the tiime limit is more about fear than schedule.....but I'll back off on that statement if PB disagrees.

[Purple Banana]

Yeah, you're definately right about that one, Weed. I'm doing really absolutely nothing else today except strum the guitar and eat a bit, maybe smoke. But it's a weekend, too. So apprehension about hurting his feelings is playing a good-size role. Damn, I'M not normal myself, and I'm not going to go into the whole society doesn't/does define normal thing.

I am just different than him. I'd like to find someone more independent and not over-the-top kind of teenage love stuff. He said the L word waay too soon, and his relationship style resembled that of a early high schooler. He's never really dated before, so he doesn't really know what he's doing, and that's okay. Seeing as how my last 2 relationships were 'fixer-uppers,' I simply don't have the time to work out all of his attachment and dependency issues.

[Weedhound]

You've actually got two clingers.....him and his mom.....keep us updated.... ;)

[Purple Banana]

Will do! I'm leaving for him right now... Wish me luck :(

[angry nomad]

Will do! I'm leaving for him right now... Wish me luck :(

Good luck. Hope you learned your lesson. Don't date abstinent people. Virgins, are ok, but they have to want to fuck.

[Weedhound]

Good Luck PB!!! ;)

[Purple Banana]

It went... Okay...

He cried, I told him it wasn't fair to him or me that I spend little time with him, and he seemed much more like a good friend than a boyfriend. I dropped him off, gave him a hug, and he went inside.

Big relief, but I do and don't feel bad he cried. Just glad to get it over with.

[IThinkIamFeelingit]

Purple Banana, I am now recently single too..

[Weedhound]

Whew....hope that's the end of it for you. Good work Pb... :thumbsup:

[slipknotpsycho]

Purple Banana, I am now recently single too..

you may be big
you may be strong
but your pecker
is still an inch long

:S2: i've been waiting forever to use that one... thanks for giving me the oppurtunity finally

[birdgirl73]

I'm proud of you, Purple Banana. Actually, I think it's neat he cried. He felt sad, and he's enough in touch with his feelings that he could do that. That's rare.

[Weedhound]

The avatar is kind of nerve-wracking as well.....just how strong IS this guy??? :eek:

[Purple Banana]

If you look like the guy in the avatar, NO THANKS! Eww haha I would just poke the veins on his steroid-addled biceps for hours... NO MEATHEADS!

Now accepting applications for employment. Enquire within.

Haha oh geeze...

[IThinkIamFeelingit]

Don't hate me cause I am strong
I am just like you, I hit out of the bong

[Weedhound]

So DO steroids make your penis bigger....?? :D

[Purple Banana]

No! They make your testicles shrink, give you man-boobs, and make you lose your hair!

And they make your mother cry. AFTER YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HER FROM ROID RAGE!

[IThinkIamFeelingit]

geez, your gonna make me cry too

[Purple Banana]

Haha aww I didn't mean to!

[JaggedEdge]

PB, your a heart breaker. I'm happy you escaped.

Good luck with his mother in the future. :thumbsup:

[Purple Banana]

Oh geeze, he keeps calling me, crying... I hope he doesn't do anything to hurt himself... Over me? It's not worth it!

[slipknotpsycho]

told you it was gonna be 10x worse.... did you honestly expect him to be like "oh.... ok... i understand" and let that be the end of it? :jointsmile:

[JaggedEdge]

Your going to have fun these next couple of days.

Firstly, don't worry about him killing himself. If he is that unstable, it will happen eventually.

Secondly, don't take him back out of fear of him killing himself. I made that mistake once... Hopefully your smarter than I am. :)

More than likely, he will cry for a few days and than move on.

You weren't lying when you said he was needy, were you? I'm not insensitive, but for some reason I'm attracted to very unstable girls and have been in your situation (as best as I can tell) several times.

[Chronisseur]

Unfortunate, but you gotta take care of #1. It's one of those shitty feelings that we ALL have to go through atleast once in life. Keep ya head up and know that you're doing the right thing by pleasently saying goodbye. I've always found that a little time in between relationships is a good thing. Gives you time to 'remember' the things YOU want and need.
Good job and good luck:thumbsup:

[Purple Banana]

I didn't think he was going to be like "Oh okay I understand", SKP, but I don't like seeing people cry, it kind of gnaws at me. I'm not going to take him back out of pity... Then I'd realize my mistake and end it again, and he'd be twice as miserable.

His brother's there though, so he should be okay I think.

[Weedhound]

Pb....remember me? :D Thanks for the memories....then hang up. I am not kidding...if he continues to call don't answer. Talking to this young man in ANY way will feed his fantasy that if he is pathetic enough he'll be able to control your emotional strings. STAY AWAY FROM HIM COMPLETELY. Good luck and be strong.....you are NOT responsible for this young man and his issues. DO NOT buy into it.

[birdgirl73]

Weedhound's exactly right. If you're taking his calls, PB, you're reinforcing the behavior he's exhibiting and the actions he's taking. It's fine for him to cry because those are his feelings and only he can control his feelings and the expression of them, but don't reward his manipulative behavior by allowing him access to you. He needs to handle those feelings on his own and grieve without dragging you into it. Also, you don't need to be taking on any guilt or believing you've caused him to express his feelings in that way.

[WeedyBoyWonder]

Hey Purple B, from reading this I would say you deffinatly did the right thing and couldn't have really done it in a better way. The way you feel only shows that you care about the dude, but if you don't want to be with him, it's as simple as that, you don't want to be with him.
Good luck @ work with his ma, I hope shes not a total bitch!

[angry nomad]

Hey Purple B, from reading this I would say you deffinatly did the right thing and couldn't have really done it in a better way. The way you feel only shows that you care about the dude, but if you don't want to be with him, it's as simple as that, you don't want to be with him.
Good luck @ work with his ma, I hope shes not a total bitch!

haha. can we say, "awkward." good luck!.

[beachguy in thongs]

WE HAVE A STAGE I CLINGER ON OUR HANDS

I think, Stage 1 has something to do with his mother's nipples. This is clearly Stage 2.


You've actually got two clingers.....him and his mom.....keep us updated.... ;)

Could this be what's beyond Stage 2?

PurpleBanana, you are going to hurt his feelings, or, feel like shit for not hurting his feelings. Just don't look into his eyes, anymore. That's, probably, how you got yourself into this mess.

Since, you already hurt his feelings, why not drive them into the ground? It makes it so much easier on him. It'd be even worse if his mother has to tell him to leave you alone.

[Nation_1ne]

I'm proud of you, Purple Banana. Actually, I think it's neat he cried. He felt sad, and he's enough in touch with his feelings that he could do that. That's rare.

I'm not so sure about it being rare. Plenty of guys have cried because they have lost someone they love. We aren't heartless sex machines lol.

[Reefer Rogue]

Sometimes, no matter how 'hard' a man is, his emotions can still overwhelm him.

[Skrappie]

Oh yeah, I'm definately doing it in person... We go out for drives once in a while and just talk, I'll drive for about 1/4 hour, then break it to him, discuss, and drop him off.

Done and done.

I really wanted to read the full thread before i said something, but this made me laugh.

its goign to be so missarable to get broken up with during a car ride, then have to save face and tough out clingly little emotions until you home.

you're going to make him cry:hippy:

[greatmuta]

Ah being single is beautiful. I love it. I don't miss the drama and stress of relationships at all. :hippy::rasta::rastasmoke::pimp::stoned::D

[BUZz UK]

Ah being single is beautiful. I love it. I don't miss the drama and stress of relationships at all. :hippy::rasta::rastasmoke::pimp::stoned::D

Amen to that!

And i HAVE a girlfriend, haha...

[Purple Banana]

I stopped taking calls from him after the first one. I let him go, and he texted me, but I didn't respond. Thanks for all the support, everyone.

I wonder if he told her yet? She just got online and hasn't IMed me. But I'm ready to stand my ground against her, I did what I felt was right. I felt obligated to like him back when she set us up, and that was my mistake, but now it's over and done with, and I woke up this morning SO much happier.

[IThinkIamFeelingit]

I'm recently singled too PB..Do I have a chance?

[Purple Banana]

Now, with THAT avatar picture, of course you do. As long as Mister Upper-Middle Class Business Man is a pot smoker as well. At first I thought it was Bob Saget...

I saw him live a year or two ago, him and George Carlin are freakin' GODS.

[Nation_1ne]

I'm recently singled too PB..Do I have a chance?

Can anyone say h-a-r-a-s-s-m-e-n-t?

[binger]

PB, just read through the thread, and like most, I agree, you did the right thing. I don't think that your delivery was bad, and you're dealing with the after shocks pretty well - not responding to his cries. That's normal, some people who get too attached have a hard time letting go. From the sounds of his situation as you've described it, he sounds like he's going to continue to be clingy.

I'm not sure how stable he is - it is normal to worry about someone getting too depressed and doing something drastic, such as suicide, but it doesn't usually get to that. However, if it were me - I'd prefer someone telling me exactly what didn't mesh with the relationship. Looking back on my own life (I'm 40 now and happily married), the one thing I would have appreciated knowing over the years was - what didn't work.

Sometimes we trip up and get too clingy; or we're not attentive enough; or are too unmotivated to find our paths in life. Between 18-30, I think a lot of people are just trying to find that comfortable balance. A lot of people, as he sounds like - still being a virgin, aren't familar with how to control their emotions just yet. Then, you through in some hormones, and you think any woman that can make you feel the way you do during sex, must be someone you should 'love'. Then you realize things like living with someone and sharing interests are whole other games.

Unless his mother is out of touch with her own maturing, I can't see how she would be anything but understanding about the whole thing. These things happen. At 20 (presumming you're both about that age) you have so many more people to date, to find out about what you want. From some of your comments, you seem to at least know you want someone ready to look ahead to the next phase of their life - adulthood. She will understandably be protective of her son, but hopefully she's realistic.

He'll get over it. What you leave him with, will determine whether he learns from it, and improves on the next one. If you truly care for him, I would think that you want to help him learn. Ok, so it didn't work with you two, but if you want him to be happy - this is a good way to help that happen.

Now, with you - three people with issues (2 fixer upppers, and this clingy one) - you have to question yourself - do you have a magnet for needy/clingy people? I did for a while. You believe you can fix them, or help them. You can't - people can only fix themselves, based on their mistakes.

[Distortion]

Purple Im behind you 100% on your move to break up with him. He will be find so dont worry about him, and you will be good too :) at least you broke up with him and didnt chicken out, breaking up takes guts and you have them. Much love.

[Purple Banana]

Yeah, I'm done with fixer-uppers... FOREVER. I need a man, not a boy. I just feel much better about how well I did it, and that I didn't keep putting it off. SUCH a relief for me now, now I can enjoy my week.

[Weedhound]

Good for you Pb.....you say you made an error....we ALLLLLLLL do.....and I agree with what someone said here (beachguy?) that you can rip the bandaid off fast (my method) or do it nice and slow and agonizingly and make everyone MORE unhappy for longer. That's just my thought though.

I'm afraid I disagree with Binger about several things.....something about his mom should understand.....HA...he's pretty perfect in mommy's eyes (despite her comments) and I think you can pretty much write her off in support.......her son's really a great guy, no matter what, remember? He certainly didn't become the person he is all by himself.

The other thing I personally disagree with is telling people "why" the relationship doesn't work. Unless you are moving accross the country or something tangible there's really only one reason you don't want to have a relationship with someone.....you aren't attracted to them. And I don't care how much perfume you put on a pig they know that's exactly what you are saying. Why would that hurt less than "Thanks for the memories but the timing ain't right" ? In my opinion, it doesn't. It hurts more. :wtf:

[Weedhound]

And ps.....I would be AMAZED if she didn't "already know" ;)

[Purple Banana]

Well, he certainly didn't tell her he walked 5 hours from his house to mine and back to deliver flowers...

[Weedhound]

You don't think so.....how about BEFORE...hmmmm?? You asked that very question yourself. :D

You have done the right thing here....the right thing and the easy thing are not always the same imo... :thumbsup: :)

[jdmarcus59]

hey PB how about a vicking? Iam a good hunter

[jdmarcus59]

another one bites the dust.

[Nailhead]

Oh geeze, he keeps calling me, crying... I hope he doesn't do anything to hurt himself... Over me? It's not worth it!

Do you have any chick friends that are, well, a bit promiscuous? Sex really helps men get over relationships, and if he's 20 and a virgin he's not going to be getting that anytime soon on his own, so if you can find someone to give him a night of sex to clear his mind that might help, but of course don't let it be a close friend of yours and make sure they don't date him, but if they are a good skank they will already know that ;) Sounds dirty, but seriously sex is the best way to get over a woman, maybe you can even hire a call girl to go check up on him for a night.

Other than that I'd say you are doing everything right, cutting off all your connections with him is good, if you try to be his friend or keep talking to him that won't help him get over you at all, so cutting it off completely is best for him...but I still think the call girl idea is a good one, at least it'll get him to stop calling and texting you.

Oh and by the way PB, what's your A/S/L? :giggity:

[jdmarcus59]

yea good idea, buy him a hooker..................um

[spliffstar22]

that's a fuckin trip, maybe 1 hour, but 5 HOURS that's fucked, i wouldnt even walk 20 min to deliver flowers, i'll get them shits delivered, fuck all that lol

[slipknotpsycho]

that's a fuckin trip, maybe 1 hour, but 5 HOURS that's fucked, i wouldnt even walk 20 min to deliver flowers, i'll get them shits delivered, fuck all that lol

my thoughts exactly

[Nailhead]

yea good idea, buy him a hooker..................um

only as a last resort of course, I don't actually recommend she spend money on him, that's why I said she should find a slutty friend to do it for free, but if she can't find that maybe go the professional route. Beats having to change your phone number and/or jobs right ;)

[Purple Banana]

DAMNIT, well, I already had a fling with the hooker near my house. I'll let you know next time, JD!

EDIT: I wokred with his mom last night... It didn't go so well. She did the whole 'guilt-trip' thing, and I tried as best I could to ignore her. I told her I'm not changing my mind, I did what I thought was the best idea at the time, and it wasn't HER relationship.

[chisme]

THE DAY I am supposed to break up with my boyfriend (I'm too busy for anything right now, he's very clingy, a total momma's boy, and he has failed his driver's test 3 times. He's 20.) he walks 5 HOURS to my house from his to bring me flowers. I wasn't there, I was at work.

I can't believe this. I appreciate it in a kind of a "It's so sweet, I've never had a guy do this, but it's gonna make the break-up MUCH more difficult" WHY WOULDN'T HE CALL 1 800 FLOWERS?!

I don't know what to do... I am soooo tempted to text message breakup, but he (nor any other guy) deserves something that shitty.

Deleted need to read whole thread before i post ima dumbass