Squirrel E.R.

[Diary of a Madman]

So I checked the mail and was going to the gym (on weed?) and when I was about to get into my car, I see a dead squirrel at my driver's side door......so I start thinking to myself how I am to dispose of mr. squirrel. Then as Im staring at it, it gets up and turns its head right at me.......it scared the fuck out of me because his back side and legs are all chewed up looking, and his tail flat. I thought a zombie squirrel was going to kill me. It got up and slowly walked further under my tire and curled up around it......meaning, now I cant drive any where..........

So I do the only first aid for animals I know (I tried this as recent as 2 months ago on a baby bird).....I gave it a small dish of water......Even if an animals brains are hanging out, I'll put a dish of water next to it.....I dont know if that works exactly, but hey......

anyways, I realize he's trying to get out of the hot ass sun as he's dying from what looks like a car hit him.....Old ladies from my complex are now watching me fuck with him...and I realize the only thing I can really do is give him a bong hit.....thats right.....maybe I will go to jail for this or something, but fuck it.....this dude was dying.....he needs to take his mind off that shit. So with old ladies watching, I basicly come from my unit, run under the car, and blow smoke under my car, that they just saw me place tupperware under......:wtf:

I call my mom who used to take care of squirrels and has a huge cage. She says that there is a hospital that will put him to sleep, or she can try to take care of him.....She comes over. We put my car in neutral and rolled it out (with someone watching so i didnt hurt him)....and he started running from us.....he ran further underneath the car and I rolled it back and forth while he ran from us..... (could have killed my mother now that I think about it)...he tried to climb a tree and couldnt very well, and my mom snagged him and put him in a box.......its a very tough call on this one because he probably should be put to sleep. But since he showed some signs of life, my mom may try nursing him back.

So there is like a 5% chance of a happy ending!!!! Just thought id share.

Dont worry guys, if he looks like he's suffering too much, she will have him put to sleep.....I just thought this story was some zany unexpected action, when I was trying to leave this morning.

[ipodguy]

i personally hate squirrels
they always freak me out in the road

[Mississippi Steve]

Tree rats make for great target practice. My neighbor gives me $5 for every one I shoot. Seems they did right at $20,000 in damage to her home....insulation eaten off the wires, rafters and joists eaten, nests in the insulation, some even got into her ductwork(one died in a duct). Lots of colateral damage too.... fleas for one.....that was bad.

Squirrel = tree rat = rodent = pest/varmit

[happiestmferoutthere]

I don't mind squirrels. We have a walnut tree in our yard, and they pick up all the walnuts(literally thousands every year), and they have food all year long. They are fat, healthy little buggers! They tend to get a little aggressive some times. They will "bark" at you and slap the tree with their paws, but I throw walnuts at them, and they stop. I actually enjoy watching them eat the nuts. Very cute. Very messy, but cute!
I've lived in this house 15 years and they have never done damage(except they did steal my bird feeder once), and they don't bother my cat. I live in perfect unison with about 20 of them. And better them clean up thousands of walnuts than me!!