Would like some advice please...

[GHoSToKeR]

Okay guys, I was just wondering if I could get some advice.. I've come to trust the opinions and advice of members here over the last few years, and other than my friends, who can't really help right now, I don't know who to come to..

So, okay.. A few weeks ago I met this woman. We got along really well, knew the same people, liked the same stuff, and really wanted to see eachother again, so we did.

There's quite an age gap between me and her, but I'm mature enough to get along with someone older, and she's not exactly old.. I'm 20, she's 33.. But like I said, I act alot older than I am, and in some respects, she acts alot younger.

Anyway, right... We started meeting up, going on dates and stuff, hanging out, and all was cool. Then one Sunday she invited me back to her house, we stayed up all night chatting, and then when she announced she was going to bed and I went to say goodbye and go home, she invited me up to her bedroom, and I ended up staying the night. Since then we've been together alot, spent alot of really intimate time together, and everything was going well.. We both 'fell' for eachother really quickly, and we were both really happy.

Or so I thought.

Last night I had a gig with my band, it was for a charity event and she said she really wanted to come along, so she did. After we finished playing and the venue closed, we decided to move along to another bar, but I had to finish packing some stuff away and so I said I'd meet her there.

When I got there, she acted totally different. She barely acknowledge me, didn't speak to me, and was just really odd. I didn't have a clue what was going on, but then I saw her chatting to an acquaintance of mine who I'd introduced her to at the gig and who she'd met once previously (I'll just call him J).

I'm not the jealous type, so when I saw them slow-dancing together (and yeah, maybe I'm nieve) I didn't think anything of it.. I just carried on talking to my friends, and occasionally glanced over at her, J and one of his friends. Then I saw the guy they were both with whisper something to her, and she walked away. Then the guy picked up J's jacket, gave it to him, pointed after her, and J followed her.

Again I decided to let it go because I thought I was just being an idiot worrying about it.. Maybe she'd gone to the fuckin bathroom or something, who knows. But then I went out for a cigarette and passed him and her sitting on a couch, not doing anything but chatting really close and stuff.

Anyway to attempt to cut a long story short, when the bar closed, I went outside, and she was standing there, to my left. J walked out and didn't see her, and walked to my right. She saw him, saw me, and just stood there, so I went over. At that point she walked away form me without even looking at me, and I went after her and just said "hey what's up?" and she went "sorry I don't want to talk to you" in this really shy kind of way.. A few seconds later she walked off and her and J walked of together.

Fine, she's fucked me over, whatever.. I gathered up the dudes I was with and moved on to another bar, and decided to drown my sorrows in as much alcohol as possible. We went on to the dancefloor and my buddy tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at someone, when I looked to see who I realised it was her and J dancing together. Fuck it, who cares, right? But then she walked off and J saw me and came over to talk to me like we were best fucking buddies.. Despite my attempts at being a pacifist, I was drunk and angry, and pushed him away and told him to fuck off. Anyway, we barely avoided having a fight because he asked me to go outside and have a cigarette.

He acted like he didn't know what was going on so I told him what I thought was happening, and he was like "dude, you've got it totally wrong" BUT he did say that if me and her were to split up, he'd definately go for her!! At that point I had to just walk away.

Anyway he approached me later and told me that she wanted to meet me outside the bar when it closed. So I waited, and she didn't show up, so I went home.

Guys, I'm fucking absolutely crazy about her, and she said exactly the same about me! But after all that shit it kind of fucked my head up.. I was in such a bad mood, but when I got home I had an msn message from her saying stuff like "I feel so bad" and "you probably hate me now", so I called her on the phone, and she asked me to come round (we live like 2 minutes from eachother)..

When I got there she was acting all shy and weird, but she basically just said that the reason she acted like that was because somebody had referred to her as "James's girlfriend" and it freaked her out because she's been single for quite a while and bla bla bla, she didn't know how to handle it.

I was kind of drunk so I told her how much she'd fucked me over and she kept saying she was sorry, but that she thinks I should be with someone my age and alot of other bullshit. It would make sense if it wasn't her who had instigated the whole fuckin relationship, you know?

Anyway in the end I just walked out because I was really upset. I called her this morning not to try and get with her or to beg or plead or whatever, I just called her to apologise for being a bit of a dick last night after all this happened. I know she should be apologising to me, but I don't like to be enemies with anyone or hold a grudge against anyone. When I called her this morning though she's asked me to go around to hers at 12 today to "talk".

Dudes, really fucxking sorry about the long message, I'm just totally torn up about this and needed to get it off my chest now that the booze has worn off.. Not that I can think clearly, I feel fucked up, but you know. I don't even really know what advice I want from you, but if you've read this far then maybe you can just you know, give me your opinions abot how I should handle this? thanks

[jdmarcus59]

Okay guys, I was just wondering if I could get some advice.. I've come to trust the opinions and advice of members here over the last few years, and other than my friends, who can't really help right now, I don't know who to come to..

So, okay.. A few weeks ago I met this woman. We got along really well, knew the same people, liked the same stuff, and really wanted to see eachother again, so we did.

There's quite an age gap between me and her, but I'm mature enough to get along with someone older, and she's not exactly old.. I'm 20, she's 33.. But like I said, I act alot older than I am, and in some respects, she acts alot younger.

Anyway, right... We started meeting up, going on dates and stuff, hanging out, and all was cool. Then one Sunday she invited me back to her house, we stayed up all night chatting, and then when she announced she was going to bed and I went to say goodbye and go home, she invited me up to her bedroom, and I ended up staying the night. Since then we've been together alot, spent alot of really intimate time together, and everything was going well.. We both 'fell' for eachother really quickly, and we were both really happy.

Or so I thought.

Last night I had a gig with my band, it was for a charity event and she said she really wanted to come along, so she did. After we finished playing and the venue closed, we decided to move along to another bar, but I had to finish packing some stuff away and so I said I'd meet her there.

When I got there, she acted totally different. She barely acknowledge me, didn't speak to me, and was just really odd. I didn't have a clue what was going on, but then I saw her chatting to an acquaintance of mine who I'd introduced her to at the gig and who she'd met once previously (I'll just call him J).

I'm not the jealous type, so when I saw them slow-dancing together (and yeah, maybe I'm nieve) I didn't think anything of it.. I just carried on talking to my friends, and occasionally glanced over at her, J and one of his friends. Then I saw the guy they were both with whisper something to her, and she walked away. Then the guy picked up J's jacket, gave it to him, pointed after her, and J followed her.

Again I decided to let it go because I thought I was just being an idiot worrying about it.. Maybe she'd gone to the fuckin bathroom or something, who knows. But then I went out for a cigarette and passed him and her sitting on a couch, not doing anything but chatting really close and stuff.

Anyway to attempt to cut a long story short, when the bar closed, I went outside, and she was standing there, to my left. J walked out and didn't see her, and walked to my right. She saw him, saw me, and just stood there, so I went over. At that point she walked away form me without even looking at me, and I went after her and just said "hey what's up?" and she went "sorry I don't want to talk to you" in this really shy kind of way.. A few seconds later she walked off and her and J walked of together.

Fine, she's fucked me over, whatever.. I gathered up the dudes I was with and moved on to another bar, and decided to drown my sorrows in as much alcohol as possible. We went on to the dancefloor and my buddy tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at someone, when I looked to see who I realised it was her and J dancing together. Fuck it, who cares, right? But then she walked off and J saw me and came over to talk to me like we were best fucking buddies.. Despite my attempts at being a pacifist, I was drunk and angry, and pushed him away and told him to fuck off. Anyway, we barely avoided having a fight because he asked me to go outside and have a cigarette.

He acted like he didn't know what was going on so I told him what I thought was happening, and he was like "dude, you've got it totally wrong" BUT he did say that if me and her were to split up, he'd definately go for her!! At that point I had to just walk away.

Anyway he approached me later and told me that she wanted to meet me outside the bar when it closed. So I waited, and she didn't show up, so I went home.

Guys, I'm fucking absolutely crazy about her, and she said exactly the same about me! But after all that shit it kind of fucked my head up.. I was in such a bad mood, but when I got home I had an msn message from her saying stuff like "I feel so bad" and "you probably hate me now", so I called her on the phone, and she asked me to come round (we live like 2 minutes from eachother)..

When I got there she was acting all shy and weird, but she basically just said that the reason she acted like that was because somebody had referred to her as "James's girlfriend" and it freaked her out because she's been single for quite a while and bla bla bla, she didn't know how to handle it.

I was kind of drunk so I told her how much she'd fucked me over and she kept saying she was sorry, but that she thinks I should be with someone my age and alot of other bullshit. It would make sense if it wasn't her who had instigated the whole fuckin relationship, you know?

Anyway in the end I just walked out because I was really upset. I called her this morning not to try and get with her or to beg or plead or whatever, I just called her to apologise for being a bit of a dick last night after all this happened. I know she should be apologising to me, but I don't like to be enemies with anyone or hold a grudge against anyone. When I called her this morning though she's asked me to go around to hers at 12 today to "talk".

Dudes, really fucxking sorry about the long message, I'm just totally torn up about this and needed to get it off my chest now that the booze has worn off.. Not that I can think clearly, I feel fucked up, but you know. I don't even really know what advice I want from you, but if you've read this far then maybe you can just you know, give me your opinions abot how I should handle this? thanks
before i read anyones elses post Iam just going to tell you WALK AWAY.

[GHoSToKeR]

Lol... Well I went round to her house at 12 for this "chat"... She acted like a dick, saying stuff like "I'm a bitch, so what?" and she even laughed at me for being upset about this whole thing, and just shrugged her shoulders! Fuck her, what a twat!

[slipknotpsycho]

first, does this guy have any 'dirt' on you that he coulda told her that woulda made her not want anything to do with you? (honestly i believe that whole gf thing is a bullshit excuse, a pretty lousy one at that) since yal were both into each other, and then all of a sudden after hanging out with him, she hardly will acknowledge you, leads me to believe he must've told her something to sway her opinion about you.

i'd ask her (are you any good at picking up deceptiveness?). i'd be firm with it, tell her you want to know the truth (but keep it calm, don't get all mad/angry toned) or you plan to just move on. why yal have been so close, then she spends all of a couple of hours with someone else and acts like you're a convicted murderer or something.

and just take it from there...


or your other choice is of course to just cut her outta the picture, ignore her, and find someone else.

[stinkyattic]

Back easy a moment.
You are 20. That's not in itself a bad thing. But what in the holy hell would a girl who is 33 want with a 20 year old, unless it was some sort of creepy power-play bullshit.
She sounds like a head case.
Don't turn and walk away... put on your Adidas and RUN.

[ganjzilla]

yeah it sounds like you were happy...but damn if the woman is 33 years old and that afraid of committment that she treats u like that cuz someone said she was ur girlfriend, taht tells u it is goin nowhere quick...if she isnt ok with being a "girlfriend" at 33, what would happen if u asked for an engagement in a few monthes...leave while ur not that attached

[lagstronaut]

Blow her off next time saying you're goin to some girls house or something (doesn't matter if it's true or not), and gauge her reaction. Or next time you're at a bar together (if you make it that far with her again) pull the shit she pulled on you and if she seems to accept it and find another guy there too, then be prepared for some heartache brotha but Leave Her at that point.

[hippy lettuce]

She sounds like a complete game playing power mad douche, she's 33 and shes acting like a kid. I got mad just reading about how she acted n how that 'j' was with her so fuck knows how u must of felt. Sorry 2 hear it dude. Get her out ur life m8 cos shes being on n off n acting like a prick by the sounds of it...and good on u for not punching that other guy out. All in all...she sounds like bad news.

[Coelho]

"Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?
Hey Joe, I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand?"
- said Hendrix... :rastasmoke:

[GHoSToKeR]

Slip, not as far as I know, dude.. The way I see it, she's been single for a long time until I came along, and I just think now that she's got the confidence back to start dating, she's met this guy and decided she likes him more than me, so I don't mean anything to her anymore. I really hope that's not the case, but it probably is..

stinkyattic, I know what you're saying. Everyone's been saying to me "it must be cool for you to be with an older woman, but why the fuck is she with a 20 year old?".. Lol, she has some real issues when it comes to guys and dating and stuff. So there could be a million reasons for why she's acted like this, or maybe she's just being honest and she is a bitch?

ganjzilla, good point bro.. To be that scared of commitment that you run away the moment someone refers to you as a 'girlfriend' of someone is fucking lame ass.. I mean the night before we'd been talking about our relationship and stuff and she pretty much referred to herself as my girlfriend! lol

lagstronaut, thanks for the advice bro, but I doubt I'll ever be in that position with her again. Not only has she blown me off in the most heartless fuckin' way possible, but she's acting like she hasn't done anything wrong and can't understand now why I'm angry! So I'd find it really hard to be friends with her or be close to her again! Since this happened I've been going through hell, not just because I'm that hung up on her, but because of the way she fucked me over too. I dunno if I could put myself through that again..

hippy lettuce, Lol thanks! Yeah you're right, the more I think about it the more she seems like a really imature head-case.. I wish I could just go "fuck her!" and not even think about her again, and it's really difficult keeping myself from phoning her again and again.. But I'm sure there's some other reason for her acting like this towards me.. Maybe she is just scared of commitment and she panicked? I dunno..

Thanks for your replies guys! It's cool being able to talk about this with you!

[slipknotpsycho]

Slip, not as far as I know, dude.. The way I see it, she's been single for a long time until I came along, and I just think now that she's got the confidence back to start dating, she's met this guy and decided she likes him more than me, so I don't mean anything to her anymore. I really hope that's not the case, but it probably is..

stinkyattic, I know what you're saying. Everyone's been saying to me "it must be cool for you to be with an older woman, but why the fuck is she with a 20 year old?".. Lol, she has some real issues when it comes to guys and dating and stuff. So there could be a million reasons for why she's acted like this, or maybe she's just being honest and she is a bitch?

ganjzilla, good point bro.. To be that scared of commitment that you run away the moment someone refers to you as a 'girlfriend' of someone is fucking lame ass.. I mean the night before we'd been talking about our relationship and stuff and she pretty much referred to herself as my girlfriend! lol

lagstronaut, thanks for the advice bro, but I doubt I'll ever be in that position with her again. Not only has she blown me off in the most heartless fuckin' way possible, but she's acting like she hasn't done anything wrong and can't understand now why I'm angry! So I'd find it really hard to be friends with her or be close to her again! Since this happened I've been going through hell, not just because I'm that hung up on her, but because of the way she fucked me over too. I dunno if I could put myself through that again..

hippy lettuce, Lol thanks! Yeah you're right, the more I think about it the more she seems like a really imature head-case.. I wish I could just go "fuck her!" and not even think about her again, and it's really difficult keeping myself from phoning her again and again.. But I'm sure there's some other reason for her acting like this towards me.. Maybe she is just scared of commitment and she panicked? I dunno..

Thanks for your replies guys! It's cool being able to talk about this with you!

well just watch yourself dude, it still is your decision what to do... and if you don't think what i said is the case then... well simply put.. FUCK OFF! :D no i'm just kidding, but reading back, actually, considering your new input... ganjzilla does seem to have a very valid/likely point...

just tread lightly, don't let a girl get you down or anything.... just watch out for yourself... with the turn of events that happened, (although i'm almost always against selfishness, and am very giving) right now the most important person in the equasion is you... you gave, and she's seemed to of retracted from giving back, putting you in priority.. there's no sensible reason to give your heart to someone when all they want to do is step on it.

[GHoSToKeR]

Lol thanks Slip buddy.. I know you're all right.. I still can't help hoping that she gets in touch in a few days (she's on Holiday in France for the weekend).. I would be so fuckin happy if she got in touch and wanted to see me, but at the same time I know it probably won't happen. I just can't believe that she is this much of a bitch without a good reason, because it means either she was decieving me all along or something, I dunno.. Aww :(

[beachguy in thongs]

Okay guys, I was just wondering if I could get some advice..

So, okay.. A few weeks ago I met this woman.

Stop. Ghostoker, I once felt isolated, for you, when I looked up Jersey on the map.

Go for the girl!


beachguy: Okay, I read the rest.

Still, you like her. Go for her. You missed your chance to stop her when you saw them slow-dance. Either way, you saw her, first.

[GHoSToKeR]

Lol beachguy! Yeah I know you're right, but she still just tossed me aside without even telling me why, and then laughed at me when I got upset! Should I really go after her - no matter how much I like her - if she can treat people like that?

[beachguy in thongs]

She could've had a moment of un-clarity. She could've been testing you. She could've been under the influence of a deadly intoxicant.

Just keep trying and she'll let you know when you've run out of lines.

Good luck, Stoker.

[GHoSToKeR]

Good point. But what scares me the most is that I go after her and she was thinking perfectly clearly! That would be a whole lot worse because it would mean she lied to me all along, acted like someone she's not, and actually enjoyed doing what she did to me! It's hard to carry on trusting people when you're totally honest with someone and then they fuck you up that bad!

[beachguy in thongs]

Don't worry about what she did to you. When's it's all over, you won't be with her, anyways.

Or, maybe, you will...

[GHoSToKeR]

Argh, are you trying to confuse me, beachguy? You're so good at it.. Lol

I hope that there's a decent explanation for her behaviour - that she's not as harsh and cold as she made out; that she's not interested in another guy; that she actually does still want to see me; that she just got scared of committing to me... If that's the case I'll happily take her back because I'm crazy about her and maybe I can help her work through the issues she has with relationships and commitment...

But if that's not the case, and she did just ditch me for that other guy (who, by the way, is an older friend of mine and the same age as me), or she was just lying to me all along, it's gonna be so fucking hard to cope with! Seriosuly I hadn't felt this way about someone for ages....

Edit: Aww beachguy, you missed me, you really missed me? Lol I missed you too buddy!! :P

[beachguy in thongs]

Really, either way, she'll have to choose you over any other guy she meets. I don't know, but, it could be a head game, playing hard to get. Maybe, you're doubting yourself, as in if you'd really want to be with a girl, who can't see you, right away. Or, fall in love, head over heels.

[GHoSToKeR]

Yeah, maybe... I guess there's no point beating myself up over the whole thing, I just have to wait and see what she says when she gets back on Sunday or Monday. She might not even bother contacting me, or she might contact me and tell me she wants to be friends, or she might run into my arms, crying and apologising for being so stupid. Who knows? I'll have to wait and see... 'Til then I'm gonna get baked! :D

[stinkyattic]

she has some real issues when it comes to guys and dating and stuff. So there could be a million reasons for why she's acted like this,!

NONE of those reasons are good. As a woman who has carried her share of emotional baggage in her life, take it from me:
SHE'S GOT TOO MUCH EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE!!!
You haven't found out where it came from, but you are ALREADY, after only dating a short time, seeing its manifestation.... wait until she gets MORE comfortable around you... it will be like the dam had collapsed....

[GHoSToKeR]

Hmmm... I guess I know what you mean. She hasn't been close to anyone for a long time, couldn't even kiss a guy, until me... Or maybe that was all bullshit too? Argh!!

My problem is though, she's kind of made it clear that she doesn't want to see me anymore.. So how do I go about finding out what happened and trying to get her to be honest about why she ended it? Maybe then I can convince her to stay with me.. I'm not gonna beg, obviously, but I'd like to give it a try,

[beachguy in thongs]

Take it from a guy...

Wait, that started out wrong.

Just don't bury your head in the sand.

[DebuteMachine23]

Hmmm... I guess I know what you mean. She hasn't been close to anyone for a long time, couldn't even kiss a guy, until me... Or maybe that was all bullshit too? Argh!!

My problem is though, she's kind of made it clear that she doesn't want to see me anymore.. So how do I go about finding out what happened and trying to get her to be honest about why she ended it? Maybe then I can convince her to stay with me.. I'm not gonna beg, obviously, but I'd like to give it a try,


When ever your thoughts wonder to her, just tune it out. Shes not worth your mental health man. Rejection hurts, and time is the only remedy. (And weed.)

[GHoSToKeR]

Yeah, I've been trying to.. It's tough tho! And yeah weed is the best fuckin' remedy! :D

Man, I dunno, I still really like her.. And I've convinced myself that she only acted like a twat to me 'cause she's scared of commitment or something. I'm determined to get the truth out of her, whether she likes it or not! I need peace of mind! Lol

Thanks for your replies, guys and gals.. Any more would be welcomed! :)

[napolitana869]

are you sure she's 33 and not 15? Because thats how shes acting

[Mr. TBAGU 420]

Hey man, i read your message and deeply felt it cause i have been through that situation before and it sucks balls no doubt. All you can do is keep trying for her if you REALLY like her and are falling for her as bad as you say you are. Let her know that age doesn't matter to you, that it's who the person is, not how old they are. Tell her how you feel about her again and let her know, reassure her on this. If you do all that and she still blows you off or seems weird then the best thing might be to just walk away.. as hard as that is sometimes. I hope my advice helps you and let me know if you get it worked out homie.:thumbsup:

[GHoSToKeR]

napolitana, haha! You're about the 20th person who's said that! It's true, but I already know that she's immature when it comes to relationships.. But you're right, she isn't acting her age! Shit, she's 13 years older than me, she should act it..

Mr TBAGU, thanks bro! You're right aswell, I'm going to keep trying for her, but if she doesn't respond or doesn't give me a straight answer or whatever, then I'll leave it.. If she ever changes her mind, she'll know how to contact me!

Well I sent her an email telling her what I think and feel.. I wasn't insulting or anything, just pretty honest.. I told her that I'm willing to wait for her if she's not ready to commit at the moment, even if she just wants to be friends for now that's cool with me because usually she's a really nice, friendly person! I also said how age olny matters if you let it, and that whether she's fallen for another guy, or scared of committing to me, or whatever, that I'll be able to handle it, I just want to know the truth. Do you think that was the right way to go????

Anyway, there's nothing I can do now but wait til she gets back from France and see if she replies, if she contacts me at all, and what she says.

Thanks again :)

[snowblind]

its beensaid, but i thought i would reiterate it using the words of the great kenny rodgers


You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!

[beachguy in thongs]

Well I sent her an email telling her how to commit at the moment, even if she just wants to be friends to me, or whatever, I just want to know the truth. Do you think that was the right way to go????


Stoker, honestly, the ball's in her court, now.

Nice pass.

[GHoSToKeR]

Thanks.. Lol, no word from her yet but I don't think she's even been back on the island for long, not sure.. Man I know I might sound pretty desperate but I really, really hope she gets in touch, or I won't be able to resist picking up the phone and calling her.

[beachguy in thongs]

I'd say, call her. What do you have to lose?

[spliffstar22]

that's fuckin retarded bro, but your 20, it;s time to have fun, not commit, there's so many girls you're age, why complicate things with someone 13 years older than you......just walk away.....

[CUPNOODLES]

she likes u but she is afraid of commitment and isnt ready 2 settle down yet thus the "u shuld date sum1 ur own age"

[beachguy in thongs]

People say, all the time, that age is just a number. I feel the same way. I'm 32 and my girlfriend's 20.

[lemonhead]

for females, "scared of commitment" usually boils down to "i like you, but i'm keeping an eye out in case someone better/sexier/more interesting comes along." will you be satisfied with being in that sort of relationship?

[GHoSToKeR]

Yeah you guys are right, I'm gonna have to forget about her..

Got an email from her today, it basically said "Stop being so paranoid, the issue is with me, not you. You're young, have loads of doors opening for you, going to uni, etc, you need to move on. Sorry for doing this to you, but im a bitch. Yeah I do really like that guy, we got on really well so im gonna see what happens with him." Blah blah blah. Then she ended with "please don't contact me again". What a dick, but I'm glad she showed her true colours before I ever got too attached! lol And to be honest, I hope she keeps doing this to guys because then maybe people will learn what she's like (she admitted to doing this quite a few times, leading guys on and thenditching thim with no compassion at all) and she'll be with who she deserves to be with; no-one!

Thanks for your kind words and advice dudes, I really appreciate it!! This weekend has kind of sucked because I've been hung up over her, but so many people, friends and even just acquaintances, have been so supportive that I can't help but feel happy! :)

[Mr. TBAGU 420]

Good for you man! Guys don't need girls like that, they just fuck up our lives for no good reason. It's good you finally decided on what to do. I swear sometimes woman are a dead reflection of the devil, lol. Forget about her and get someone better. She def. wasn't the one you wanted then if she did that to you. But i hope everything else works out great man. Have a great day. :smokin:

[inbud]

from personal experiance.........married a guy 13 years older at 25, divorced him at 30. dated a 22 year old at 31 (way to young), made a pact with myself never to date or marry anyone five years younger or older, keep it in the same generation so to speak. Think dude, you are 30...she is 43, ( i did the math when i married the first time, didnt seem a big deal)..............you are 40 and she is 53..........that is if you make it that far, you still want sex and she is going thru menopause, hot flashes and all......and on top of all of it....she has not been dating and trusting in a long time you say........THAT in it's self is a huge huge SIGN, she can not commit, and that sounds like what you want from her.

MY advise, dont date anyone over five years older or younger, and run from them if they have had four or more marriages......and if they have commitment issues....know heartache is in your future, guard yourself. You are still young enough to save yourself, dont stop loving, just be careful. oh and i forgot....stay away from crazy ...crazy is exciting and will put you in a ditch.

[beachguy in thongs]

Yeah you guys are right, I'm gonna have to forget about her..

Got an email from her today, it basically said "Stop being so paranoid, the issue is with me, not you. You're young, have loads of doors opening for you, going to uni, etc, you need to move on. Sorry for doing this to you, but im a bitch. Yeah I do really like that guy, we got on really well so im gonna see what happens with him." Blah blah blah. Then she ended with "please don't contact me again". What a dick

Gee, I sure hope she wasn't a dick.

All in all, I would never get too attached to a much older woman, simply because she's probably smarter and more experienced at head-games.

[GHoSToKeR]

Thanks again, guys! As a little thank you, I've repped everyone with something positive or helpful to say, which is all of you! I would do more, but I can't, so rep points it is! :P

Beachguy you're totally right, my man! She seems to have spent her life working on and refining head-games, and I'm just don't have enough practice at them!

I'll get over her. Starting college has kept me distracted this week, and will continue to do so over the 'mourning' period! Lol, there's a really cute chick that I'm gettign to know at college too, which is good! :p

Thank you so much! I love Cann.com and all it's awesome members! <3

[az666]

Hey dude,
Sorry I only just read your post.

I guess at least she let you know that she wasn't interested...lol sounds harsh but at least she isn't leading you on anymore.
Hope college is going well!!
When do you start again? or was it monday?

[GHoSToKeR]

Hey buddy!!

Yeah, you're right.. Anyway fuck it, I'm over it now, moving on.. There are some nice chicks at college so I'm pretty much distracted all day anyway!

Yeah it's going really well, thanks! It's the Induction Week so most of the time we're just being talked at or sitting around doing not much at all, and then being sent home early! Can't wait 'til we start work properly next week; the course is so intense but it's really interesting, plus we do alot of writing which is cool! :)

How's work going? Still haven't popped in to get those bass strings but I will do, and I'll make sure to say hey or ask for you.... As soon as my student grant comes through! lol

[PlantBoxer]

Sometimes we just need to leave our *feelings* at the breakfast table. IMHO, the lady just wanted booty call, and you didnt leave your feelings at the breakfast table.
When I was 17, I dated a lady 35, 2 kids, no hubby. She passed me around to her friends like a vibrator with fresh batteries!! Theres love, lust, and lusting lovers, dont involve your *feelings*. She let you know where you stand.

[GHoSToKeR]

No, she led me to believe that I stood over here, when in actually fact I was all the way over here. In fact the place I was actually standing was so far away from the place that she led me to believe I was standing, that, um, like.. it was just really far away. I couldn't really stretch that analargy much further. You get the point, though.

[BUZz UK]

Thats unlucky ghosty, at least she's the bitch, and you don't have to feel guilty, whay :jointsmile:

lol

[Markass]

Okay guys, I was just wondering if I could get some advice.. I've come to trust the opinions and advice of members here over the last few years, and other than my friends, who can't really help right now, I don't know who to come to..

So, okay.. A few weeks ago I met this woman. We got along really well, knew the same people, liked the same stuff, and really wanted to see eachother again, so we did.

There's quite an age gap between me and her, but I'm mature enough to get along with someone older, and she's not exactly old.. I'm 20, she's 33.. But like I said, I act alot older than I am, and in some respects, she acts alot younger.

Anyway, right... We started meeting up, going on dates and stuff, hanging out, and all was cool. Then one Sunday she invited me back to her house, we stayed up all night chatting, and then when she announced she was going to bed and I went to say goodbye and go home, she invited me up to her bedroom, and I ended up staying the night. Since then we've been together alot, spent alot of really intimate time together, and everything was going well.. We both 'fell' for eachother really quickly, and we were both really happy.

Or so I thought.

Last night I had a gig with my band, it was for a charity event and she said she really wanted to come along, so she did. After we finished playing and the venue closed, we decided to move along to another bar, but I had to finish packing some stuff away and so I said I'd meet her there.

When I got there, she acted totally different. She barely acknowledge me, didn't speak to me, and was just really odd. I didn't have a clue what was going on, but then I saw her chatting to an acquaintance of mine who I'd introduced her to at the gig and who she'd met once previously (I'll just call him J).

I'm not the jealous type, so when I saw them slow-dancing together (and yeah, maybe I'm nieve) I didn't think anything of it.. I just carried on talking to my friends, and occasionally glanced over at her, J and one of his friends. Then I saw the guy they were both with whisper something to her, and she walked away. Then the guy picked up J's jacket, gave it to him, pointed after her, and J followed her.

Again I decided to let it go because I thought I was just being an idiot worrying about it.. Maybe she'd gone to the fuckin bathroom or something, who knows. But then I went out for a cigarette and passed him and her sitting on a couch, not doing anything but chatting really close and stuff.

Anyway to attempt to cut a long story short, when the bar closed, I went outside, and she was standing there, to my left. J walked out and didn't see her, and walked to my right. She saw him, saw me, and just stood there, so I went over. At that point she walked away form me without even looking at me, and I went after her and just said "hey what's up?" and she went "sorry I don't want to talk to you" in this really shy kind of way.. A few seconds later she walked off and her and J walked of together.

Fine, she's fucked me over, whatever.. I gathered up the dudes I was with and moved on to another bar, and decided to drown my sorrows in as much alcohol as possible. We went on to the dancefloor and my buddy tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at someone, when I looked to see who I realised it was her and J dancing together. Fuck it, who cares, right? But then she walked off and J saw me and came over to talk to me like we were best fucking buddies.. Despite my attempts at being a pacifist, I was drunk and angry, and pushed him away and told him to fuck off. Anyway, we barely avoided having a fight because he asked me to go outside and have a cigarette.

He acted like he didn't know what was going on so I told him what I thought was happening, and he was like "dude, you've got it totally wrong" BUT he did say that if me and her were to split up, he'd definately go for her!! At that point I had to just walk away.

Anyway he approached me later and told me that she wanted to meet me outside the bar when it closed. So I waited, and she didn't show up, so I went home.

Guys, I'm fucking absolutely crazy about her, and she said exactly the same about me! But after all that shit it kind of fucked my head up.. I was in such a bad mood, but when I got home I had an msn message from her saying stuff like "I feel so bad" and "you probably hate me now", so I called her on the phone, and she asked me to come round (we live like 2 minutes from eachother)..

When I got there she was acting all shy and weird, but she basically just said that the reason she acted like that was because somebody had referred to her as "James's girlfriend" and it freaked her out because she's been single for quite a while and bla bla bla, she didn't know how to handle it.

I was kind of drunk so I told her how much she'd fucked me over and she kept saying she was sorry, but that she thinks I should be with someone my age and alot of other bullshit. It would make sense if it wasn't her who had instigated the whole fuckin relationship, you know?

Anyway in the end I just walked out because I was really upset. I called her this morning not to try and get with her or to beg or plead or whatever, I just called her to apologise for being a bit of a dick last night after all this happened. I know she should be apologising to me, but I don't like to be enemies with anyone or hold a grudge against anyone. When I called her this morning though she's asked me to go around to hers at 12 today to "talk".

Dudes, really fucxking sorry about the long message, I'm just totally torn up about this and needed to get it off my chest now that the booze has worn off.. Not that I can think clearly, I feel fucked up, but you know. I don't even really know what advice I want from you, but if you've read this far then maybe you can just you know, give me your opinions abot how I should handle this? thanks

it sounds to me like she's out to have some fun, and you were fun for a while, but then once she went to the bar around others, she lost interest in you...

How long had you guys been friends with benefits or whatever before this bar incident??

if it were me I'd just shrug it off and not worry about it, bro..she wants to mess with other people with you right there..someone you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with I'd say..

good luck man:thumbsup::stoned:

[GHoSToKeR]

Hey, thanks for the replies, fellow tokers! Markass you're right.. I'm over it now anyway! I mean, not totally.. I still think what happened was shit and I'd like to remain friends with her, but she obviously doesn't want to, considering every time I bump into her she just walks straight past me. Anyway, I'm over her, I've got enough on my plate as it is without having to deal with immature women like her, especially when they lack the ability to be honest on any level...

I'm gonna stop this post before I start to sound bitter... Or is it too late? :D