I just did some crazy digging into my subconscious

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

So over the last month or so I was feeling really burdened by some very heavy stressors in my life. Basically I was waking up in the middle of every night with panic attacks, having them in the day too, just on the verge of outright nervous breakdown.
But over the last week, through some daily meditation/contemplation and a few epiphanies on how to fix what's wrong with me, I've really gotten my shit together. Haven't had a panic attack for almost a week, maintained a possitive attitude, getting things accomplished all over the place like a bad mofugga.

Yesterday I really got some important things accomplished, things that have weighed the most heavily on my mind.

now here's the crazy part;


So I just woke up 15 minutes ago from the most intense dream, but it was more than any dream. Hear me out, this is some cool shiznat.

I was dreaming that I was dying. I was moving around perfectly, I was young physically, but I knew I was old and it was my last day on Earth. Most of the dream was just getting my affairs in order, but it's the end that's important.
At the end I came to my old house I lived in as a kid. I went into the basement and found an old trapdoor in the wall that used to be there; but it was locked. Somehow, I knew it was incredibly important that I open this trapdoor.
So at first I had to brush away some extremely thick cobwebs to get to the latch. When I opened the latch there was another latch underneat it, and I could hear music quietly coming from behind the door (which I now know was Slayer's "FleshStorm"). When I went to open the second latch, an eye looked at me from behind a small hole within the latch and I was hit by overwhelming fear. But I knew this was too important and my fear had to overcome.
I opened the second latch and the music got louder as I revealed the third. My body was overcome by horrible pain, the same pain that's burdened me for 5 years and was troubling my mind so heavily. I had the most intense fear, fear so bad I wanted so bad to run like hell. Suddenly every other thing I've been dealing with was behind that door. Despite overwhelming terror at this point, it was too important not to open this door. I opened the final latch and all this compressed air that I knew carried all my fears, came flying out and disapated into nothingness. The fear completely disipated with it and I woke up with a blast of adrenaline, yet a sense of total calm and clarity. And I gotta say right now I feel like I can take on anything.

That was more than a dream in my opinion, and I'm glad I had it.

[Storm Crow]

LITANY AGAINST FEAR

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear - From Frank Herbert's Dune Book Series

Seems to me you had that kind of experience. - Granny:hippy:

[GraziLovesMary]

That sounds awesome dude, it makes me kind of miss dreaming. Dreaming has always been my place to face my fears, I used to have some crazy nightmares, until they stopped being nightmares. I would have the same dreams, and then even crazier ones.. but they stopped scaring me. There are only two things that now scare me in consciousness or other.. something happening to somebody I love and theres nothing I can do about it, and myself when Im angry. Now that I think about it, myself when Im angry only scares me when Im awake, I guess dreaming is my time to release the fury uninhibited lol.

I can remember the last nightmare I ever had, many years ago.. my brother was trapped in some kind of box, essentially a trash compactor, and it was slowly squeezing him to death while I was being restrained and I couldnt get to him in time. Such despair.. such helplessness.. it was the most horrible feeling I have ever experienced.

Now during my rare dreams when something happens that should frighten me, such as being suddenly opposed by some invincible-seeming creature, the fear that would come flooding in is replaced by an intense adrenaline rush and a feeling of invincibility and excitement. Finally, something to challenge me... something where I can release all of my pent up emotion upon and completely demolish with no fear of retribution. I inevitably always end up victorious, and my feeling of accomplishment is replaced by dissapointment. Obviously if I won, it wasnt much of a challenge. Kind of a wierd outlook, looking back in retrospect.

I spend a lot of time nowadays searching for something that can scare me.. humble me I guess. Obviously discounting the two things that I already know scare me, those are perfectly alright to be afraid of. I dunno I guess maybe thats part of the reason Im going to move to Thailand and train in Muay Thai?? I know after a couple years of training Im going to go to Burma to do some rope fights. Maybe a fight to the death will scare me? I doubt it, but theres only one way to find out right?


But yeah dude about the epiphany, I think thats incredible, and Im real happy for you! So lucid and symbolic... I would love to have such a meaningful dream like that.

[angry nomad]

That is a badass dream. Stormcrow is Gandalf. heh

[pdraper]

I had a major spiritual experience about 5 years ago. It made a "burning bush" look like firefly. Since then, I experience very "real and visceral" dreams. Almost all have imbedded symbolism that is impossible to mis-understand. On occasion I'm also shown near future events that I'll be participating in.
We're all on the path. Some fast some slower. The answer to our fears is always the same... True forgivness!
Be willing to look at even more (fear) and remember to be "defensless" at the door! Good job, Good luck

[twoguysupnorth]

Sounds like you came to peace with yourself!! Thats awesome. I have had dreams similar too that, when I am really stressed about something in my life, (and god knows there are alot of those) I actually so subscribe to dream therapy, as a way to lessen your stress. It works for me. I make take up one of my days off just to dream. It really does help me cope with the day to day things that bother me for whatever reason, and not always with anything to help me. But I do know I always feel "great!!" after I have one of those. Congrates Gandolf :)

[twoguysupnorth]

Also just wanted to say to storm crow I have read that whole series and I did learn alot about how to handle myself thru it. Great author, great books!