Mixed Signals

[Jibboom]

So I met a girl about a month/6 weeks ago at my place of work, and pretty much from the moment we met we hit it off (friends or something more i don't know..).

I won't go on about it too much as I made a thread a few weeks ago about this but now some time has gone on I'm getting a little confused.

We've been getting along great and I've had people ask me about whether we're an item or whatever, so I don't think I'm imagining the signals she gives off (she casually touches me alot, tells me i make her laugh etc).

She's invited me out outside of work a couple of times.

One was a couple of weeks ago and mentioned I should come along with her and some of her friends to some bars in my town, I was ill at the time but said I might go and told her to give me a text about it later (i might have come off as being not very enthusiastic, lots of friends tell me i can seem to be). She didn't end up texting me by about 10pm or so, so i texted her and she apologised several times (then and the day after) for not getting in touch with me.

So a couple of days later I think it was, and she invites me out again to some bars/clubs with some different friends of hers, this was about a week in advance so I just said 'yeah sure i'll probably come'. We were joking around and she said 'you better come cus i'm getting a taxi back with you.' I didn't mention it until a couple days before we were meant to be going and she was like 'I'm not sure if we're going now', her friends had apparently wanted to go on a different night or something, perfectly believable so I thought nothing of it.

So last week I decided to text her and she if she wanted to go see a movie. She said she couldn't this week (this week being last week) because she lives in the countryside and can only use a bus to get to places (she doesn't drive), and they were cancelled all week (due to flooding) but she said 'definitely next week'...I know what you're thinking, but this actually wasn't an excuse as I was with her when she found out a few days earlier.

So the next day (wednesday) she texts me when im at work and tells me that the buses are running again and that she can 'finally go out'. I took this as a good sign (and a hint) so asked her if she wanted to go see that film then, she said what day..i could only do friday as i had work thurs/saturday but she said she didnt think she could make friday, but she'd let me know.

I didn't contact her thursday or friday as i didn't want to seem too eager or anything, but got no word from her. I happened to be on msn on friday evening and she came online and said hi and talked to me a good bit and everything seemed good, and i saw her again at work yesterday and things felt a bit tense at times (this could have just been becaues of me though) but by the end of our shifts we were getting along as well as always..

I'm just really confused by this girl, I've never been so convinced of a girl being interested in me but there is a doubt in my mind. Am i pushing her away by trying to act 'hard to get' at times, does she need to see that i'm interested in her before she admits to it? Or does she just want to be friends?

Thanks in advance and sorry for the stupidly long post. :jointsmile:

[Breukelen advocaat]

I'd advise against dating someone you work with. If it does not work out, and what you've described doesn't sound too promising, it's a drag to see them all the time. Then there's the gossip, jealousies, and other factors that are inevitable in a group setting.

[Breukelen advocaat]

Dating someone that you work with is better when you don't care about the job and/or can find other employment elsewhere.

[LuckyG]

All I'll say is this: Don't make assumptions.


Which isn't very helpful, I know. ;) Just wait it out. If it happens, it'll happen, if not, well ring-a-ding-ding.

[Jibboom]

Well we'd both be leaving in september (university for both of us) so that wouldn't be an issue I don't think. There has been some good-natured gossip i suppose but it's only a part-time job for both of us anyway so as you said i could easily leave if i needed to.

I agree it doesn't sound too promising but I know that i can be aloof to the point of being unapproachable sometimes, and this has stopped me from getting together with girls before because they took it in the wrong way..Saying that, it doesn't mean that that is what this girl is thinking.

Thanks for your input :)

[Weedhound]

I think you need to step up to the plate and make some sort of commitment in either asking her out or not....and try doing the whole follow through as well.....like actually calling her and actually taking her out. "Yeah, i'll probably go?" Wow, that would sure make me feel wanted. OR..."she didn't seem enthusiastic enough so I just didn't call her" Another good thought....your dates don't even get to open their mouths and already you're making judgments about what they think while playing the same game yourself by not stating what you mean and bs'ing around yourself.

If you want to know what she is thinking.....ask her. Then put yourself on the line and tell HER straight up what you think That's how real relationships are done.

[spliffstar22]

just step up to the plate man, it looks live you've been pussyfooting around, step up

[stinkyattic]

I didn't contact her thursday or friday as i didn't want to seem too eager or anything, but got no word from her. :
You silly kids, you are both playing the same silly game!
Just ask her out already! Sheesh!
I can't believe the human race has survived this long, having evolved these overcomplicated mating rituals.:jointsmile:

[LazySmoking420]

The games we play... it is what makes life worth living. And that is love. Love is all you need.

I would stop the texting all together. Find out were she lives personally come over and talk to her. In a calm, non threatening manner and tell her how you feel. All girls want is love.

Hey I really like you, I think you're really special person. Beautiful.. I wanna get to know more about you.

Can I take you out?

[Ash 420]

yea lazysmoking makes a good point, she will respect more if you just make a move. texting is impersonal, girls want to feel special and hear honesty in a guys voice and see confidence in the way he presents himself.

[thcbongman]

Kiss her.

I'm telling you. They'll be a moment when you feel it, look into her eyes, and do it! To hell with doubt.

[Jibboom]

Thanks for your replies everyone, I don't know what I was expecting posting this, whether I was looking for advice or just wanted to vent some of the confusing thoughts I've had but I'm glad I did.



Another good thought....your dates don't even get to open their mouths and already you're making judgments about what they think while playing the same game yourself by not stating what you mean and bs'ing around yourself.


I hadn't looked at it this way (even though subconciously I know that's what I'm doing), and it's helped me realise that a lot of this is in my head and as other's have suggested I should just 'step up to the plate'.

In some ways I feel I have stepped up to the plate in trying to initiate some kind of contact outside of work, since she see asked me first it made me quite confident about it all but now I'm more confused than ever.

I was casually texting her last night and just told her that 'i'll leave it up to you if you want to do anything this week just let me know'. She replied earlier today saying can we do it next week cus she's a bit 'spent out' whatever that means lol, so I'm pretty much just gonna cool things now cus it doesn't seem like she's interested based on that (im sure she could find time if she wanted to see me).

I havn't replied yet, I don't know whether to make some joke like 'sure 'next week' lol' (there is sarcasm there if you couldn't tell) or whether to take it more seriously and just say to her its fine if she doesn't want to do anything I just want the truth as opposed to empty promises etc..

I thank anyone who's managed to read all my self-obsessed, adolescent drivel about this and any advice is always welcome still. This girl is a great laugh and I'd be happy to be friends in all honesty, maybe I'm already in the friend zone which would be fine but then why would she not want to go catch a movie or something.

Time for me to chilax and to stop thinking about this for a bit I think. :jointsmile:

[Weedhound]

Ok.....here's what you do. Find something you know she likes.....tickets to a certain concert or whatever (make sure it's something you enjoy as well in case she turns you down). Then you go to her and ask her to go.....no fudging, no maybes, no "if you don't have anything better to do" baloney. Would you like to do this? I heard you were a fan (or whatever works there). Don't improvise, lose your nerve, or figure out what she's thinking......just straight up ask.

If she says yes, there you go and no backing out. If she says no, find another lucky friend to go with. That's the best you can do.

Good luck :)

[Weedhound]

The games we play... it is what makes life worth living. And that is love. Love is all you need.

I would stop the texting all together. Find out were she lives personally come over and talk to her. In a calm, non threatening manner and tell her how you feel. All girls want is love.

Hey I really like you, I think you're really special person. Beautiful.. I wanna get to know more about you.

Can I take you out?


And I'd say yes to that in a second......LS is already making me swoon....;)

[Fugitive]

I wouldn't say too many things like I really like you, I think you're really special person. Beautiful.. I wanna get to know more about you. Can I take you out? that's too much shell think you're creepy and desperate IMO.

You need to make her one concrete offer,don't ask where she would like to go...

I think we should stop fooling around, lets go somewhere at 8 tomorrow. If not then I wouldn't compromise.

[CUPNOODLES]

SHE WANTS 2 FUCK SERIOUSLY TRY UR LUCK AT MAKING A SEXY TIME WITH HER....MAYB THATS Y SHES INVITING U 2 GET DRUNK WITH HER??

[CUPNOODLES]

OR SHE CULD JUST LIKE U AND THAT WUDD EXLPAIN Y SHE WANTED U 2 GO OUT WITH HER AND HER FRIENDS