This is very intense

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

I honestly don't know if this should be in the spirituality or medical forum, but I'm going through something incredibly intense right now. I've done most hallucinogens before, I've had several experiences the salvia, I won't go into details I guess.... it doesn't matter, the point is, this is more intense than anything any of those drugs made me experience. I AM ON NOTHING RIGHT NOW, but my mind just tore itself apart and put itself back together again. It's 3:00am and I couldn't be more awake.


I've been tossing and turning in bed the past 3 hours with everything that worries me, everything I need to resolve before I explode. I don't know if it's the emotional stresses finally pushed beyond their limit, the fact that I can't ignore the realities of my life anymore. I almost thought I was having an anxiety attack for a while, but my breathing is slow and this is definately not it (I've had them before). Though my extremities are going cold, which happens from hyperventilation, but I'm breathing normally. My mindstate is very similar to acid actually, except clear and intelligent. It's hard to bear, I'm starting to think it somehow is at least part of a panick attack, but one with remarkable clarity.

My mind just made me tear down all the walls. All the shame, loyalty, fear, desires, desperation, personal truths... it's all exposed in my mind, raw and unfiltered. I'm going to have to destroy some of my most important life-long relationships and create the most important ones that could exist. I know exactly what I have to do, everything I have to change in my life, everything that's lingered in my mind so long but my mind wouldn't let me fully cognicize. My fucking religion, relationships, jobs, education, everything. Pain has controlled me so long but I'm taking control of it now, right now, It's over. Pain cannot dictate my life because I see now how my mind controls everything.

All I can do right now is meditate, and observe my mind, and let it reform before the stress of this mindstate destroys me. Something is unlocked.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Ah nevermind, I checked panic attacks out on wikipedia and I think that's all I was having (still having it to some degree now actually). I still believe all the decisions and such, but I thought I was going completely nucking futs for a while there. Disregard.

[baisez le monde.]

I'm glad it was nothing too serious, and I hope you feel better love.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

It's 11:21 am now and I'm still having it. My muscles are burning like hell from what I can only suspect is lactic acid, my leg can't stop shaking, every possition is uncomfortable, this bloody tension/stress won't let up for a second. I took some Lorazepam and it got me back to normal only enough to percieve things coherently.

I shouldn't still be having this "attack", or whatever you want to call it, but it just won't end. Should I see my doctor? Would he really give me something that would work better than lorazepam anyway?

[BeatlesRGod]

Maybe you should smoke a little to relax, but not too much...?

[S.W.I.M. 504]

i think u should watch family guy and eat a bannana or something

[bhouncy]

fight club.

[Canuckofithaca]

strech your muscles out for the lactic acid, and just chill and relax?

[medmj<3er]

When this would happen to me, I found these things to be useful. They may or may not be for you. Breathe as deeply and slowly as you can. Eat something salty, like potato chips. Listen to music or watch TV so your mind doesn't gnaw on itself too much. If you have someone you trust, it helps to have them there, but if you don't really trust them obviously it'll make things worse. I really hope things are better for you, those are miserable.