I need to ask you something...

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

You ever wake up at 5:00am every morning worrying about shit, unable to decide if you want sleep or consciousness?

You ever been trapped in one type of pain so long it's exhausted all your resources, and you want more than anything to end it, and no matter how hard you look you can't find a way?

You ever been head-over-heels in love and can't find the right way to tell them because you're afraid nobody would want to be with someone with your health condition?

You ever want to abandon all your friends, even the ones you've known as long as you can remember, and been through so much with, and don't even know why?

You ever been so sick of being alive, so exhausted with your existence, but definately don't want to die because there's so much you still want to do, even though you'll probably never attain it?

You ever feel it's all hopeless, but you can't fall into hopelessness?

[Weedhound]

Yep....it's called clinical depression. See a doctor....perhaps some meds can help. I remember feeling that there was just no real point to life and was physically and mentally exhausted all the time. Just.....TIRED.

There ARE answers and there IS a point to life. What have you got to lose?

Good luck.

[friendowl]

all you have to do is change your perception
there is always more than one way to see something
learning is painful and pain leads to knowledge which
then leads to power which leads to women ,etc,etc,etc

hahaha just learn to love the pain

[4twentE]

1) 5 am? No I usually wait til noon to wake up and start worrying about stuff.

2) :blueknife: No seriously, don't even think about it!

3) Not quite head-over-heels in love. But yeah, I've liked some women a whole lot and had no idea how to tell them. I'm just terrible with women.

4) Absolutely! I want to start a new life all the time. Most of my friends suck. Hate to say it but they do. It might be worth leaving behind a few good ones to get rid of all the bad ones.

5) Yeah, I'm a big daydreamer/fantasizer. The few things I will attain in life are worth the disappointment of not receiving the ridiculous things I occasionally want.

6) Can't say it any better than that.

Keep your head up, G. If you're sitting here talking to us on the internet, you probably have a dry ceiling over your head, electric power, some food in the fridge and clean water on tap. You're doing well. I'll run with what friendowl said. Use the basic resources you do have to gain the knowledge about what you want. Knowledge is power. Power gets you respect, money, women or whatever you want to do with it.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Yep....it's called clinical depression. See a doctor....perhaps some meds can help. I remember feeling that there was just no real point to life and was physically and mentally exhausted all the time. Just.....TIRED.

There ARE answers and there IS a point to life. What have you got to lose?

Good luck.

eh.... I don't think it's quite so simple as clinical depression, I've been there before and this isn't it. I just feel trapped in purgatory, can't reach heaven or hell, and they're both tearing me apart. Every day is the same, all my muscles are in pain and I'm all alone. I'm sick to death of being a cripple, because I'm not a cripple.


all you have to do is change your perception


Preaching to the quire man, but it aint easy when nothing changes.


there is always more than one way to see something
learning is painful and pain leads to knowledge which
then leads to power which leads to women ,etc,etc,etc

hahaha just learn to love the pain

Learn to love the pain... you know I just might do that, if it's possible. But it really isn't leading me to power, it's just limiting every aspect of my life.



3) Not quite head-over-heels in love. But yeah, I've liked some women a whole lot and had no idea how to tell them. I'm just terrible with women.

Haha, me too man, me too. This girl has obviously been interested in me for a while, but I still can't ask her out. She loves to be active, go out and do stuff like bar-hopping and partying. I've gone out with her (as friends) tonnes of times, but I always have to load up on rediculous amounts of painkillers 'till I'm stoned out of my mind, and I'm still just barely holding it together, trying to pretend the pain isn't wracking my mind.
That's what's scaring the shit out of me, if we're together she'll inevitably realize that I can't keep up with her and do all the things she normally likes to do. Eventually she'll be sick of being around the pain and the limitations all the time, then I'd have to endure the even greater pain of losing her.

[Weedhound]

So what is different between this and your depression before? Sure sounds like it to me and clinical depression and myself are VERY old friends. Part of the illness of depression is your mind telling you that THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM. Is you mind telling you that life is too hard? You aren't worth anything? You don't get joy out of things that used to be what you loved? You're full of fear.....think you're a piece of shit.....and thinking of making it through until tomorrow (when things will be exactly the same as today) is exhausting torture? It's even tiring to get up and walk accross the room.


Which part did I miss?

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

So what is different between this and your depression before? Sure sounds like it to me and clinical depression and myself are VERY old friends. Part of the illness of depression is your mind telling you that THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM. Is you mind telling you that life is too hard? You aren't worth anything? You don't get joy out of things that used to be what you loved? You're full of fear.....think you're a piece of shit.....and thinking of making it through until tomorrow (when things will be exactly the same as today) is exhausting torture? It's even tiring to get up and walk accross the room.


Which part did I miss?

I see what you're getting at, I recognize those symptoms myself. But more than anything I'm having these little freakouts more and more where I can't stop squirming from the pain and start hitting myself and shit, seems to bring its own type of relief as a sort of distraction. I'm getting frequent anxiety, heavy breathing, random episodes of holding back the tears from frustration.

You're right though, I don't seem to enjoy things much these days, though I still love music and it's the only thing that keeps me sane. I think it's just compounded because I really want to be with this girl and I can tell she wants me to some degree or other, and this muscle pain just keeps reminding me that I can't give her any sort of normal life like partying, bar-hopping, going shopping etc. My mind just keeps telling me that she'll want to get away from it eventually, because I sure as hell do. Frig, and people wonder why I'm an atheist.

[surreys princess]

i can tell you from experience..that hitting yourself feeling, total anxiety...totally....that usually stems from the depression...

depression is like a chameleon..the first sign of a problem like that is thinking you dont have a problem....

and this whole pity thing here...that is what this is..not pity like oh woe is me as much as you want someone to cosign your shit (pardon the expression)...so, you cant do some things....that means you dont deserve a life? like you are less than others because you are different? come on....

so, that is my take on this.....

you either shit or get off the pot my friend....get some help or sit and wilt away like a suffocating flower....

please dont think i am shitty...but there is no sense in sugar coating things...why waste the time....be assured this is said from a place of respect, not coldness....

good luck....

princess

[TheAtomicPunk]

I could answer yes to most of those... ok, all of them...