Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk

[Dr HaZzMatT Esq.]

BALTIMOREâ??A team of researchers at Johns Hopkins University have found a link between the consumption of dog urine and the decreased likelihood of heart attacks, researchers announced Tuesday.
"Our research indicates that by drinking six to eight glasses of fresh dog urine per day, individuals can reduce the risk of cardiac arrest by as much as 70 percent," said Dr. Arnold Minton. "This abundantly available material contains magical cardio-fluxo-medicines that strengthen the heart's mitral chambers and help keep its four aortic corridors clear of toxins and other such harmful substances."
Dr. Dinesh Patel explained the origins of the six-hour study.
"I noticed that my dog had never had a heart attack, and I'd never heard of a dog having a heart attack, so I realized that there is what scientists call 'a cause-effect phenomenon' at work here," Patel said. "Well, it turned out it's their urine."
Dr. Leonard Weiscz outlined the team's recommendations for those wishing to diminish their chance of a potentially deadly myocardial infarction: "Get yourself a dog, ideally a Labrador retriever, as the Ph level is optimal in this particular breed, and then train it to urinate into a bucket," Weiscz said. "Then, when the bucket is three-quarters to four-quarters full, lift it to your mouth and chug as quickly as you can."
According to the Johns Hopkins team, for maximum effectiveness, the urine should not be mixed with any other substance.

"Drink it straight," said Dr Weiscz, "Don't mix it with anything, not even water."
the scientists revealed more of their findings, including their suggestion that the urine be consumed "right out in public."

"It's also important to yell out, 'Ah, that's some tasty dog pee!' as soon as you're done," said Dr. Minton, "I should know. I'm a trained medical professional."

[birdgirl73]

Please note that the above thread is a joke!! A funny one.

Believe it or not, we have people on these boards who occasionally take or give advice about certain medical practices involving urine--most frequently in drug testing--and we want to make sure that everyone knows this is intended for humor! You truly never know on a cannabis forum comprised of a large faction of young, stoned members. There are people in the alternative health world who believe injected sheep urine has amazing health benefits for humans.

Thanks, HazzMatt. I have the strongest feeling that my husband is going to print out copies of that post, picture and all, and hang them in his office so the staff can all have a laugh. He's going to whoop with laughter when he sees it.

[Dr HaZzMatT Esq.]

Thanks, HazzMatt. I have the strongest feeling that my husband is going to print out copies of that post, picture and all, and hang them in his office so the staff can all have a laugh. He's going to whoop with laughter when he sees it.

Just wait till I publish my study on bathing in Bong Water :thumbsup:
and the therapeutical advantages of smoking from your rectum!:stoned:
Pic to come soon!;)
~Dr Hazz

[Purple Banana]

By George, it DOES! I drink three glasses per day (I like the taste) and I've never had a heart attack, stroke, PE, DVT, nor have I turned into a kumquat.

IT WORKS!

[IanCurtisWishlist]

with modern chemistry you would not need to drink the urine itself, as you can extract active ingredients out of most anything. HA HA how funny unless you are a chemist and can see through the bullshit!

[Dr HaZzMatT Esq.]

unless you are a chemist and can see through the bullshit

funny you would mention that,
I'm curently working on a clear or see threw fertilizer!
That way you will soon be able to see through the bullshit:thumbsup:
patent pending!

[imitator]

funny you would mention that,
I'm curently working on a clear or see threw fertilizer!
That way you will soon be able to see through the bullshit:thumbsup:
patent pending!

Patent that shit quick. I swear to god companies have my house wired and wait for me to get stoned to come up with ideas and then steal them before I can do anything.

The last big one being the new Rock Band(from the makers of Guitar Hero) guitar controller.

When the first Guitar Hero had just come out, I had the great stoner idea of adding a second set of buttons at the bottom of the fretboard, for solo's. You would have to play the solo's down there, and it would add some fun and realism to the game.

Just a few days ago I was looking, and they showed a prototype guitar for the game, and sure-a-fucking-nuff, its a Guitar Hero controller with 10 fret buttons instead of the normal 5, with the new 5 buttons being at the bottom of the fret board... and used specifically for solo's during the songs.

I literally yelled at my monitor using profanities for minutes on end, considering I had just bought two broken controllers to put together for my prototype to get patented.

Rat bastards... sorry, I just had to share. Shit like that pisses me off. :p

[rebgirl420]

Please note that the above thread is a joke!! A funny one.

Believe it or not, we have people on these boards who occasionally take or give advice about certain medical practices involving urine--most frequently in drug testing--and we want to make sure that everyone knows this is intended for humor! You truly never know on a cannabis forum comprised of a large faction of young, stoned members. There are people in the alternative health world who believe injected sheep urine has amazing health benefits for humans.

Thanks, HazzMatt. I have the strongest feeling that my husband is going to print out copies of that post, picture and all, and hang them in his office so the staff can all have a laugh. He's going to whoop with laughter when he sees it.

hahah like the one about eating apricots or some shit to cure cancer? haha Ill ask my oncologist why he didnt just do THAT instead of 2 years of chemo and radiation haha

[AlwaysBlazed]

haha i actually fell for this until you started quoting doctors telling people to make sure they drink it right out in public straight up lol, nobody would do that... now if this were real it would be quite interesting

[Dr HaZzMatT Esq.]

haha i actually fell for this until you started quoting doctors telling people to make sure they drink it right out in public straight up lol, nobody would do that... now if this were real it would be quite interesting

I'm glad to see some of you stoners are paying attention :thumbsup:

[slipknotpsycho]

yeah i was like wtf, but as you go on it got less and less beleivable.... but the final confirmation is what the dr. says you must exlaim.... o.0 lol...

[Dr HaZzMatT Esq.]

...so we where all sitting around @ TAO Las Vegas (http://www.taolasvegas.com/tao.html) sipping on our Dog Pee Mojitos and Puppy Piss Martinis thinking how nice that none of us have had and heart attacks or strokes..I then took another bite from my spring roll and a drag off my chronic splif...;)
life is good ..indeed :thumbsup:
party on Garth!:hippy:
~Hazz


Dog Pee Martini:D
2 oz. Vodka
1½ oz. Dog Pee (Labador retriver preferable)
½ oz. Lemon juice
Dog Bone Bisket for garnish

Pour ingredients into mixing glass. Add ice and stir to chill. Strain into your Swank Martini Glass and garnish serve with a "BarK"!