Your stance on cheating ...

[420MissHighTimes420]

I have very mixed feelings on wheather or not cheating is okay. I feel like it is ok if there are no feelings involved with it, and that as long as at the end of the day you still go back to the person you are cheating on.
I always said that I would never cheat on someone because I thought that it meant you didn't have strong feelings for them, or you were lacking something in the realtionship.
But then this weekend I cheated. On friday my boyfriend dropped me off at a train station where I missed my train. Earlier that day my friend who I havent seen in ahwile called me n was like come down town. So since I already was I called n asked if I could sleep over. He said it was fine and met me there. I was upset because my bf never called to see if I was ok or anything, just a nice young girl in a train station in the city w. a large amount of homeless crack heads at 12 30 at night, really safe right? so we were just drinking and one thing led to another and we fucked.
I feel terrible but at the same time it was just one night where I got caught up in the moment.
Should I tell him? I have no feelings for this guy ... I'm really confused.

edit: I love that I can tell everyone on here, and not my friends. This site is so helpful, w. out it things would eat me alive.

[birdgirl73]

You mean cheating within the context of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and not in marriage, right? Please tell me that's what you mean.

Frankly, if people are in a committed relationship, whether it's girlfriend-boyfriend or engaged or married couples, they ought not to cheat. If they want to be with other people, they need to do the right thing by their partner/spouse and get out of the previous relationship first. Cheating is hurtful and destructive and also dangerous from a disease standpoint.

Cheating is bad mojo. In relationships. In school. On taxes. Everyplace I can think of!

[Hardcore Newbie]

To me, it's never ok, not in any way shape or form. I broke up with my first gf of two years because she kissed someone. To me, it's the ultimate slap in the face and it's inexcusable. I still loved her at the time but I couldn't trust her, and she knew how strongly I feel about that sort of thing.

And I honestly think you should tell your boyfriend, because imagine if he cheated on you and didn't tell you, it wouldn't be fair.

[Mississippi Steve]

Its not cheating if you share. My GF and I live an "alternate" lifestyle. Whe have been swingers for several years, My first wife an I were also into swinging. Basicaly its anything goes as long as we are both there and all agree.

[xcrispi]

Stop n ask yourself how would you feel if he came home and told you Ooops I tripped and slipped and accidentally stuck my dick in someone else ??? Not at all cool , married or not = complete loss of trust and respect .
Crispi :jointsmile:

[psteve]

Sounds like you're not too serious about either dude, so as long as they know that, it's ok.
You should tell your BF what happened. Your relationship will either grow or fall apart, but at least it will be honest.

[420MissHighTimes420]

I didn't mean marriage, because in that you vow to be exclusive. edit: that was stupid to say because in being a bf/gf you sort of vow to be. I take that back, but I guess I meant its more serious.
I was lying to myself when I thought it didn't matter because I dindt have feelings for him, I was being a slut and he deserves to know. I think I am just going to end it, he is too selfish and even though I didnt like the guy (as more than a friend) who I cheated him on with, I still enjoyed having sex with him better because I felt like he actually wanted to please me. My boyfriend is really immature (and clearly I am too) but I can't deal with it anymore. It's over.

[psteve]

I didn't mean marriage, because in that you vow to be exclusive. edit: that was stupid to say because in being a bf/gf you sort of vow to be. I take that back, but I guess I meant its more serious.
I was lying to myself when I thought it didn't matter because I dindt have feelings for him, I was being a slut and he deserves to know. I think I am just going to end it, he is too selfish and even though I didnt like the guy (as more than a friend) who I cheated him on with, I still enjoyed having sex with him better because I felt like he actually wanted to please me. My boyfriend is really immature (and clearly I am too) but I can't deal with it anymore. It's over.That's probably for the best.
You deserve someone you don't need to cheat on.

[420MissHighTimes420]

Sounds like you're not too serious about either dude, so as long as they know that, it's ok.
You should tell your BF what happened. Your relationship will either grow or fall apart, but at least it will be honest.

Me and you always post at the same time lol, but yeah its going to fall apart. This made me think more about our realtionship. It really is lacking a lot, I should have put more thought into it. I hate being alone, so hopefully I will find someone good enough to not cheat on.

[420MissHighTimes420]

That's probably for the best.
You deserve someone you don't need to cheat on.

hahahaha see wut I mean u always post right b4 I get a chance too.

[Demeter]

It sounds like you rationalized cheating because your boyfriend didn't seem to show enough concern for you, but the truth is, you wanted to have sex with another man because you were drinking and felt lustful, right? Because if your boyfriend's behavior really really is so bad that it makes you want to cheat, maybe he's not the man for you. As it stands now, you did something wrong that will probably cost you the relationship if you tell your boyfriend what you did. You will need to decide whether it is better to be honest and lose him, or keep it to yourself and deal with the guilt. Only you know what is right at this point, but you will need to think about either staying in control of your "cheatin" urges while in a relationship (granted that's not always easy, but that is what commitment to another requires - sacrifice) , or else be with men who sleep around too.
I think you already know all of this and just needed a sounding board. No judgement here. Everybody makes mistakes, but you should think about what caused this one so it doesn't happen again.

[psteve]

hahahaha see wut I mean u always post right b4 I get a chance too.LOL!
And we said basically the same thing. Common sense is great.
Good luck finding a better relationship!

[420MissHighTimes420]

LOL!
And we said basically the same thing. Common sense is great.
Good luck finding a better relationship!

Thanks! I'm excited about looking, I want someone older. Dating is fun, since me and my boyfriend never went out. hes so lammeeeeee. I called to break up with him, and he didn't answer, just proved to me that much more that this is over. Asshole. He better call me back soon.

[BlAzInIt4:20]

your just going to call him?... ok..

i always ended relationships in person.. to make sure its what i really want. and for respect for the other person...

[420MissHighTimes420]

your just going to call him?... ok..

i always ended relationships in person.. to make sure its what i really want. and for respect for the other person...

If we were more serious I would do it in person. ... good excuse? no, I'm being immature, and I don't care, it's going to be tough enough to do it on the phone let alone in person. I have a really hard time hurting peoples feelings, and I don't want to see it. :(

[psteve]

Either way it's going to be difficult for both of you, but you'll get over it.
Save the heartache for a more serious relationship.

[blazed_babe]

*this may seem harsh, but please just read it all the way through first, i'm just letting you know my view on things, and if anything i say seems out of line (because i don't personally know you, the boyfriend, the guy you cheated on him with, or the situation), then i apologize.*

yes, i have broken up with someone over the phone before, but i feel like it's a cowardly thing to do. especially if you're going to tell him that you had sex with someone else. whether or not you guys were really serious, that will be a slap in the face to him. to hear that sort of information over the phone, and then for you to break up with him (again, i don't know if you're going to tell him about the guy you had sex with, or the situation - the drinking - or anything like that), but regardless of whether or not you are going to tell him that, no one wants to be broken up with over the phone. like i said, i believe that to be cowardly. i'm the same way, i hate hurting people and especially seeing their faces when it happens, but the most responsible and mature thing to do, to me, is to break up with him in person.

to answer the original "whats your stance on cheating", for the thread, cheating is never ok. no matter what. it shows that you don't have respect for the person that you are in a relationship with. even a drunken fuck shows that. because you didnt care enough about the person you were in a relationship to say "woah now, this isn't a good idea." i know that you were drunk, but honestly, you shouldn't have let yourself even be in that situation if you knew it was a possibility (the cheating, not the drinking, although that did contribute, so it probably was a bad idea, if you see it that way). to me, cheating is never ok. ever. it shows a tremendous amount of disrespect for the person you are actually in a relationship with. it shows that you don't really care about them, their feelings, what they think. and you can backtrack and say that you really do, but honestly, would you have let yourself get that drunk and fuck someone else if you really cared? you have to think about it that way. i'm not trying to sound harsh or anything at all, but most of the relationships i've been in, i've been cheated on. and that's fucking painful as hell, regardless of whether or not it's a serious relationship. i think that it shows that you're obviously not important enough to that person, that you're not good enough for them - that they're not satisfied with just you. at least that's the way i felt about it when it happened to me on multiple occasions. i believe that cheating is never right, and if you have the desire to be with someone else, then break it off with your standing relationship first, out of respect for the person that you are in a relationship with. no one likes to be cheated on. it fucking hurts :( the only silver lining i can see from myself being cheated on so many times is that i have never cheated on anyone and i will never cheat on anyone. ever. because i've been hurt too many times because of it, and i don't want to inflict the same pain on someone else. i know how it feels, and damn it's hard.

but please, even though it's not too serious of a relationship, don't break up with him over the phone. i just don't think it's the right way to go about things - you've already probably hurt him enough by cheating on him (if you're going to tell him about it)

not trying to sound preachy or bitchy, or tell you what to do, just giving you my opinion that i feel is somewhat valuable, seeing as that i've been cheated on numerous times (i feel like i've been cheated on so much because i'm such a passive person, give people way more chances than they deserve....but i like to try and see the good in people, and think that maybe things will change. but to me, once a cheater, always a cheater - who's to say it won't happen again?) even with future relationships, if they asked if you've ever cheated on someone, and you tell them that you have, they're probably going to be like "ehhhh...will she cheat on me?" it could cause a certain amount of distrust in whatever future relationships you have, serious or not. again, i'm not trying to pass judgement on you, i'm just telling you how i see things, in hopes of helping you out :)

i hope that everything gets worked out for you, and you don't have to go through too much heartache :)

[psteve]

I've been dumped in person and over the phone. There's no difference.
It sucks. Then you get over it and move on.

[blazed_babe]

I've been dumped in person and over the phone. There's no difference.
It sucks. Then you get over it and move on.

yeah, i understand what you're saying. but to me it just shows that you have much more respect for the person if you break up with them to their face. especially if she's going to tell him that she had sex with someone else. especially if she tells him that. otherwise, if she tells him that and breaks up with him over the phone, it most likely will make her seem cowardly, like she couldn't face him in person to do it. maybe that's how she feels - like it'll be too hard to do it in person, i dunno. but my above advice was just my two cents, which i thought might be helpful since i've been through a lot of bullshit with relationships and cheating as well. just trying to help a fellow stoner out :)

[420MissHighTimes420]

blazed babe I'm really glad that you said all of that to me. I have never been cheated on before so i never knew how it felt. I cheated on another boyfriend of mine back 3 years ago. I felt horrible, but I then also broke up because of it. I deffinatly learned from this, next time I'm not going to be in a relationship where I'm going to cheat. Even though I wont know how he feels I can imagine and it's probably horrible. I know what I did was wrong, and I don't blame it on alchol at all, it was going to happen, that just made it easier. It's such a shame I did this, it makes me feel like a idoit because I didnt think about how it would make him feel at all. I am still going to do it over the phone because I would honestly rather someone break up with me over the phone. If some one was going to call me and tell me that they had disrespected me, and made me look bad I wouldnt want to see them. I dont want to make him drive a half hour (I dont have a car) so he can come and me tell him some shitty stuff and them have him go home. I wouldnt want to chill with him after being a bitch. I guess it's immature, but he is too. I honestly feel like he would rather me do it on the phone.

Do you think I should bring up the other things that were wrong with our relationship? I feel like he needs to know so he can learn from it. Even though I messed up, it was one time. He has treated me like striaght shit for a while. He has used the hell out of me, hes been really selfish and unreliable. Hes never there when I need him, and he is the one person in the world I cant be myself around. I feel like I need to be a better person when I see him. Its so stupid that I make sure I look perfect and am happy when I see him, most people I'm chill and myself around but him I can't. But I don't want to call him and tell him even more bad things. But he really should know because some stuff he does is messed up and I dont wnt him to treat other girls like me.

Sorry about the length of this

[420MissHighTimes420]

I'm also sorry I'm being pretty dumb on this subject, I have only had 3 other boyfriends in the past and they were really long relationships where I had no problem telling them anything. And when we broke up it was mutual. (except one it was like 2 months and it was sort of like this but a really long time ago.)

[blazed_babe]

420misshightimes420 - thanks for explaining that you don't have a car, that he would have to drive a bit to see you, and that you don't want to break up and then just send him on his way, or chill afterwards. completely understandable. i didn't know that, but knowing that now, yes, breaking up on the phone would be the best way to do it. especially with the little bit of distance he would have to drive, that would just be really really shitty to do that to him, even if he has treated you like shit in the past.

i'm really glad that you realize now how it affects other people, and even though you were thoughtless with your actions, now you know, and will hopefully avoid cheating in the future :) (i know that you said you would, i'm just emphasizing the fact)

yes, i think you should bring up other things that have gone wrong in the relationship - that way, whether or not he takes it well, he will hopefully at least hear it, and maybe think about it later, and try to correct some of his behavior. no one deserves to be treated like shit - along with being cheated on, i've also been treated like shit in most relationships i've been in, once again that's because of how passive i am, i suppose.

if you can't be your true self around the person you are in a relationship with...then...i don't really think it's much of a relationship. for a serious long term relationship to work out, each person much respect and love the other for who they are. you shouldn't feel uncomfortable, or feel as though you can't be yourself around whoever you're in a relationship with. i don't know how old you are, so maybe you don't want to look for a serious relationship right now, sometimes it's good to take a break and just casually date someone for awhile. but if you do that, you need to make sure the other person understands it's just casual, in order to prevent future heartache with that casual relationship. misconceptions and misunderstandings in a relationship can be a bitch and cause things to fall apart. again, i don't know how old you are, so i don't know how serious of a relationship you actually want to be in right now. no worries though, everyone takes things at a different rate :)

and no, you're not being dumb about things lol, you just don't have too too much experience with it, that's fine. as you get older and mature more (i'm not saying you're totally immature, what i'm saying goes for anyone, including myself), and get more experience, you'll start to understand things a bit better.

i'm really glad that i could help you out, and that you realize the severity of what you did and how it can hurt someone. i'm glad that others can learn from my experiences, because i feel like that adds to the silver lining - me never cheating on anyone ever because i know how it feels, repeatedly, and that someone else could benefit from what i've been through.

just be more sensitive to how that can affect other people, and things will be fine :)

*no worries about the length of your response to me, my first post was much much longer lol, and this one is rather long too. i tend to ramble and overemphasize things*

***edit: also, surreys princess is very wise, she knows what she's talking about with this as well :) she has helped me through a ton of shit, not just concerning relationships, but also just with my life in general

[Reefer Rogue]

I would never cheat on my girlfriend. What you did to your boyfriend was immoral imo.

[420purplehaze420]

your just trying to find excuses, if my girl came home and told me a tale like that it would be over, but then again im the jealous type

[Nailhead]

I always said that I would never cheat on someone because I thought that it meant you didn't have strong feelings for them, or you were lacking something in the realtionship.


I was upset because my bf never called to see if I was ok or anything
You are correct, cheating is the result of when you are lacking something from your current relationship as you have just said yourself.


so we were just drinking and one thing led to another and we fucked.

Nothing "leads to another" like that, I have never been so drunk, and then all of a sudden found myself sucking off one of my guy friends, so stop using the "we were drinking" excuse! Just admit it, you wanted to bang, sugar coating it with a lie is fine with your friends, but this is the internet, be honest!

Here is my take on cheating, it is okay if you don't care about your current relationship. Most young people are in relationships because they are insecure to be single, so therefor when the temptation comes to cheat they almost always take it. That doesn't mean you don't care for you're boyfriend, it just means you are too young for a serious relationship. This is why in a perfect world people would stay single until they are 24 or older, and up until then have as much fun as you want. There is no reason you need to pretend to be in a serious relationship before that time, because nobody is mature enough to really be in a serious relationship. And even if you are mature enough, it isn't healthy because later in life you might wonder what you missed out on...and then end up being the 30 year old that bangs the neighbor while your hubby is on a fishing trip.

You can try to justify cheating all you want, but the reality is that if you told your b/f it would probably crush him. If you told him the same lie you tell yourself to justify cheating, would he would feel just as okay about it as you do? If he doesn't care about you fucking other guys then there really is no problem with cheating, but then it wouldn't be cheating because you would be honest, but you see, if you aren't being honest, then you don't have a solid relationship, and if you don't have a solid relationship, maybe you should just be single?

[420MissHighTimes420]

^^Your right, thereis no justifying it. I shouldnt have said the drinking thing because I hate when people use that as an excuse, it jsut made it easier to cheat on him. I shouldnt have been at this kids in the first place, nor should have taken those shots, but I'm honestly glad it happened because I really really dont like my boyfriend the more I think about it.

[Nailhead]

(sorry, my previous post was a bit premature, but I'll leave it because I think I had some decent advice for others in similar situations)


Do you think I should bring up the other things that were wrong with our relationship?

You don't need to explain anything to him, if you are unhappy in the relationship all you gotta say is you are unhappy and its over. You could bring up some of that other stuff you didn't like, but don't let that phone call turn into a 3 hour debate over who was worst in the relationship, because he will most likely try to expose your own dirt and make you feel bad...which is why I would just say keep it simple and don't get into details.

I also don't see a problem with breaking up over the phone, I've had friends that found out their girl was cheating on them while fighting in a fucking war in Iraq, so to me a phone call doesn't seem that bad at all compared to the hell they went through. Personally, I would go for in person in a public place like a coffee shop, but just make sure you drive in separate cars if you do that ;)

Also, stop being so hard on yourself, people cheat all the time and even though some people will try to make you feel like you are satan incarnate, most people have done it from time to time so don't be so down on yourself, just be smarter next time and don't put yourself in a position where you will cheat, IE stay single and just date around! My advice is to date as often as you can and don't let things get serious, just have fun and stay protected. Take some courses in Leykis 101 and you will be on the road to a much happier lifestyle ;)

[BlAzInIt4:20]

(sorry, my previous post was a bit premature, but I'll leave it because I think I had some decent advice for others in similar situations)



You don't need to explain anything to him, if you are unhappy in the relationship all you gotta say is you are unhappy and its over. You could bring up some of that other stuff you didn't like, but don't let that phone call turn into a 3 hour debate over who was worst in the relationship, because he will most likely try to expose your own dirt and make you feel bad...which is why I would just say keep it simple and don't get into details.

I also don't see a problem with breaking up over the phone, I've had friends that found out their girl was cheating on them while fighting in a fucking war in Iraq, so to me a phone call doesn't seem that bad at all compared to the hell they went through. Personally, I would go for in person in a public place like a coffee shop, but just make sure you drive in separate cars if you do that ;)

Also, stop being so hard on yourself, people cheat all the time and even though some people will try to make you feel like you are satan incarnate, most people have done it from time to time so don't be so down on yourself, just be smarter next time and don't put yourself in a position where you will cheat, IE stay single and just date around! My advice is to date as often as you can and don't let things get serious, just have fun and stay protected. Take some courses in Leykis 101 and you will be on the road to a much happier lifestyle ;)


I think you just helped me with my problem.. thnx... Good advice by the way.. I was going to start a thread but no need now.

dont beat urself up over this... it happens.. Don't worry their is alot of people in this world :-). And cheating when you have already lost all concept of your boyfriend, and your completely unhappy with him and don't look at him the same, i wouldn't call it cheating...

[MacWQ33]

I would definitely see something wrong in cheating on a spouse...but a boy/girlfriend...ehhh...it happens. Then again, it depends on the relationship. I don't think there's anything 'wrong' about it persay, but it's just not really a nice thing to do lol. But fuck it, it happens...I wouldn't get all bent out of shape about it...just move on and maybe keep it on the DL lol.

[Sir Raf of BONG!]

I've thought on cheating on my girlfriend because sometimes I don't think she's affectionate enough (and being that she's living in Louissiana with her parents... the physical part of it is quite lacking). However, instead of turning to other women I decided to smoke and meditate. It was in the middle of a trip induced by green and shrooms that I realized I was just insecure and paranoid, and that I wanted attention like some kind of pup.

I thought about it long and hard and personally, I think cheating is a dispicable thing to do. If you're gonna cheat, you may as well break up with the person you're cheating on because something obviously isn't right.

As for me? I spent some time alone and realized that I was pretty damn happy with my girl, and I wasn't about to ruin that for sex. :jointsmile:

As for the OP, good luck!

[dean0000]

In my opinion its not ok in any circumstance. I know how it feels when someone does it so I would not do it to anyone. Its pretty low.

[NextLineIsMine]

I think its alright in context. Sometimes out of nowhere you can just get a spark of passion for someone. Although you have an awesome lust filled night as long as you dont wish you could stay at the end of it youre good

[imitator]

Personally, I feel that people put too much emphasis on sex.

Its a physical act between two people. Its done for enjoyment, and in some cases procreation.

It isnt anything more until people start making it more.

If you had sex with him just to have sex and enjoy the act, then there shouldnt be a problem, at least I wouldnt have a problem.

Its unnatural to confine yourself to just one person, there is no way that that one person can fulfil your every need, ... well i suppose anything is possible, but its highly unlikely at best.

If having sex with another person to fulfil a need is wrong, is it wrong to go to a friend to cry on their shoulder instead of your SO? It should be the same thing...

Now if you have feelings for said person, or feelings develop, then there is a problem. But if you feel you are ok with having sex with people, and still showing the same amount of love/caring/whatever towards your SO, then more power to you.

Thats not to say that I have anything against people who feel the opposite of me. I understand the feeling, I just dont personally prescribe to it is all.

[Hardcore Newbie]

^^^ if both people have that viewpoint, that's fine, but if not then they probably shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place :P

[420MissHighTimes420]

Personally, I feel that people put too much emphasis on sex.

Its a physical act between two people. Its done for enjoyment, and in some cases procreation.

It isnt anything more until people start making it more.

If you had sex with him just to have sex and enjoy the act, then there shouldnt be a problem, at least I wouldnt have a problem.



That was the way I saw it until I put myself in his shoes. I would die if he cheated on me, it would make me feel like I'm not good enough. But at the same time I wouldn't let it upset me me because like you said no one can fill ones every needs. I act like it was just in the heat of the moment, but I am sort of lying to myself. I was upset with him, and I didn't do it to nessasarly get back at him, it was more that I needed something that someone else I thought could give to me, which just so happened to be sex that made me feel like he wasnt just in it for him. When me and my bf fuck its 100% about him, its nice to have love made to you, I feel like when he fucks me theres not emotions for him involved, like he just wants to bust one out... the guy I cheated on him with was an ex, and I know how he makes love, it makes me feel cared for. But it was my own damn fault because I was too immature to tell him that I dind't like the way he banged me. But its over so....

[420MissHighTimes420]

^^ wow i dont want it to sound like i dumped him simply because he banged me with no care, he just didnt care for me. last nite we finally met up and talked aout everything, he really doesnt care for me like i need to be, he wants more of a friends with benifits thing ... aka a booty call ... when I wanted a more serious relationship. which never works out good for the person who wanted a real relationship.

[imitator]

^^ wow i dont want it to sound like i dumped him simply because he banged me with no care, he just didnt care for me. last nite we finally met up and talked aout everything, he really doesnt care for me like i need to be, he wants more of a friends with benifits thing ... aka a booty call ... when I wanted a more serious relationship. which never works out good for the person who wanted a real relationship.

In that sense, I can guess that he said that it didnt bother him much?

Its hard to do what I said above. People by their very nature attach feelings to sex in most occasions. Even "no strings attached" has that happen... The difference, at least how I see it, is how people deal with the feelings. Do you embrace them, or recognize them as something that happens and know that they arent REAL feelings persay, just a case of mild brainwashing and other factors.

We are taught from a young age that you dont have sex unless you have feelings for them. It ties into the whole get married, have kids, keep the economy going thing. But a person can do all of that, be totally commited to their husband/wife, and still have sex with other people, and not have it mean anything, or be a slight against their marriage. But only if its just sex. That doesnt mean you cant like the person, I cant imagine having sex with someone I didnt like, but you cant let the sex effect what you have with your SO at all. If it changes anything about your relationship in your head, then you were cheating.

The key here is also a SO that understands this. Which is about 2x as hard these days as actually being able to hold the above mentioned sexually philosophy. No matter what you as a person might view the sexual act as, if your SO doesnt feel that way, then it doesnt matter.

In the end, my philosophy has always been that if you had sex with someone else, its ok if you are able ot willingly tell the other person. If you feel the need to hide something from me, if you cant tell me when you get home, "hey, i was over with so and so, one thing led to another, and we had sex"... then you cheated on me. Same holds true for myself. If I feel the need to hide what I have done, then obviously in my head I feel that what I did was wrong in some way, which means that I did something wrong.

[Nailhead]

he really doesnt care for me like i need to be, he wants more of a friends with benifits thing ... aka a booty call ... when I wanted a more serious relationship. which never works out good for the person who wanted a real relationship.

Why do you want a serious relationship? You don't have much experience as it is, just go out and have fun, you have lots of time to have a serious relationship later on in life, what is the rush? You are only young once, don't waste it with a couple serious relationships!

I don't know you personally, but from what I can get you seem like a pretty co-dependent person, insecure of the thought of being single. You gotta shake that crap, maybe get some therapy? It really is not healthy to live a co-dependent life. That is how my sister is, she always had to have a boyfriend in her young years, she could never be single or just have casual relationships, I'm guessing years of soap operas put that crap into her head. Anyway, now she lives with a total loser and his retarded daughter. She stays because she needs to feel important, his retarded daughter takes a lot of work to take care of so that fills her void, but it is far from a healthy relationship since she works while her boyfriend sits at home playing World of Warcraft all day and doesn't do a damn thing.

My advice: Stay single until you can learn to live independently, that includes independent from your friends too. This doesn't mean being a loner, it just means being perfectly content and happy when you are alone. Once you learn to live independently, you will have a much better realization of what you want in a relationship, and you won't waste your time with someone that isn't right for you anyway.

[420MissHighTimes420]

I have had experince in the serious relationship department, just never a causual or functional relationship. And your right I do need to shake this idea of needing a man at all times. As many girls my age I am insecure, and I get a lot of my validation from having guys like me. I am always attracted to guys that I have to fight for the attention of, and thats something else I need to shake.
Although I want to want to be single, I am craving a boyfriend. I do need a shrink ...

PS Im really happy I made this thread everyone on here has given me some really good insight. I really appriciate it, you have noidea.

[blazed_babe]

^^ wow i dont want it to sound like i dumped him simply because he banged me with no care, he just didnt care for me. last nite we finally met up and talked aout everything, he really doesnt care for me like i need to be, he wants more of a friends with benifits thing ... aka a booty call ... when I wanted a more serious relationship. which never works out good for the person who wanted a real relationship.

i'm glad that you guys were able to talk everything out and come to a realization about things :) how did that go? was it ok in person or would you have rather done it on the phone? when you guys met up did he already kind of know what was coming? (lol sorry for all the questions, just curious, from what we talked about earlier :) )

[420MissHighTimes420]

i'm glad that you guys were able to talk everything out and come to a realization about things :) how did that go? was it ok in person or would you have rather done it on the phone? when you guys met up did he already kind of know what was coming? (lol sorry for all the questions, just curious, from what we talked about earlier :) )

don't be sorry at all, i like talking about these sort of things because off of cannabis.com i never talk about my problems, and on here i actually get to get stuff on my chest.
i was really happy i talked to him in person. he knew what was comming because i had told him i had spent the night with my ex boyfriend, he wasnt too upset by it -prolly because he doesnt care about me that much-
we did come to a realazation about things, we needed to communicate a lot mroe about what was going on. he didnt no that i was upset with him at all, i am the type to just act like everything is all good, and than out of no where blow up. I was being kind of dramatic with him because for the past year i have known him he has hurt me so bad and didnt even know it.
I also realized that he really isnt good for me and I'm happy I'm going to move on, he is too close minded for me - he even admited to looking down on me for not going to college and for hanging out with some of the people i do -
he also said something i couldn't imagine someone saying --- when i discussed him getting me pregnant and leaving me out of no where last year (WHICH I FIANLLY TOLD HIM KILLED ME INSIDE) he said "well u were just a piece of ass to me, it wasnt serious, i didnt know i should have been there for u during that" like wow ... we had been having sex for 2 months when this shit happened, he tucked his dick between his legs and ran like a little boy. even when i explained to him that it wasnt serious, it should have gotten more serious when that happened he stll didnt get it.
you were right about doing it in person, on the phone, i felt like we could understand each other more by seeing each others reactions to things, body language can tell you more than words can sometimes. plus it showed me that he at least cared enough to meet up and talk to me.
thanks for talking -- or posting -- to me abot this blazedbabe, i feel cleansed talking about it.

i really need to do it with my friends and boyfriends though. I dont know how i always expected people to fix things, when i didnt even tell them they were going anything wrong
sorry about the length - agian, im on a posting rampage today - need a more interesting job

[Spoken Word]

I have very mixed feelings on wheather or not cheating is okay. I feel like it is ok if there are no feelings involved with it, and that as long as at the end of the day you still go back to the person you are cheating on.
I always said that I would never cheat on someone because I thought that it meant you didn't have strong feelings for them, or you were lacking something in the realtionship.
But then this weekend I cheated. On friday my boyfriend dropped me off at a train station where I missed my train. Earlier that day my friend who I havent seen in ahwile called me n was like come down town. So since I already was I called n asked if I could sleep over. He said it was fine and met me there. I was upset because my bf never called to see if I was ok or anything, just a nice young girl in a train station in the city w. a large amount of homeless crack heads at 12 30 at night, really safe right? so we were just drinking and one thing led to another and we fucked.
I feel terrible but at the same time it was just one night where I got caught up in the moment.
Should I tell him? I have no feelings for this guy ... I'm really confused.

edit: I love that I can tell everyone on here, and not my friends. This site is so helpful, w. out it things would eat me alive.


sleepovers were always fun in high school.:D ahh, the memories.

and umm.. i really don't know what to tell you... cheating is wrong.
you are wasting his time, and he's wasting yours....
but i think high school, college "relationships" aren't really important anyway... it's really just expierementing.
I will make sure to let my partner know that I have a VERY strong sexual drive and that she should be ready for that.
yea, i'm not going to go look for another girl if she doesn't feel like having sex a couple of times but in general...you're with that person for a reason....you two should be "pleasing" each other...
if not, just live life single.....that's fine too

but as far as sex with someone at a house, drunk.....there's nothing wrong with that... it's freaking natural... as long as you don't make it a habit.


i can't wait to tap into my social and sexual skills again:)
until then imma just keep working out and getting ready....

[jdmarcus59]

You mean cheating within the context of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and not in marriage, right? Please tell me that's what you mean.

Frankly, if people are in a committed relationship, whether it's girlfriend-boyfriend or engaged or married couples, they ought not to cheat. If they want to be with other people, they need to do the right thing by their partner/spouse and get out of the previous relationship first. Cheating is hurtful and destructive and also dangerous from a disease standpoint.

Cheating is bad mojo. In relationships. In school. On taxes. Everyplace I can think of!

cheating is bad mojo........I LOVE that, I like the way you put that birdgirl.

[jdmarcus59]

FREE BIRD.............................................. ............................................
.................................................. .................................................. ......
.................................................. .........................free

[Nailhead]

when i discussed him getting me pregnant and leaving me out of no where last year (WHICH I FIANLLY TOLD HIM KILLED ME INSIDE) he said "well u were just a piece of ass to me, it wasnt serious, i didnt know i should have been there for u during that" like wow ... we had been having sex for 2 months when this shit happened, he tucked his dick between his legs and ran like a little boy. even when i explained to him that it wasnt serious, it should have gotten more serious when that happened he stll didnt get it.

ohh boy...you just opened a whole new can of issues....lol

So did you have the kid? You really should not expect a guy to "make it more serious" just because you have a kid together. You can't force love, and being in a love-less relationship is far more physiological damaging for the kid than being separated and happy, (I'm a good example ;)). You can blame him all you want for "not doing the right thing" as they say, but really you have ultimate control over getting pregnant so if you are not in a committed relationship, (aka married), you shouldn't even think about having kids. I'm not just talking about abortion, I'm talking about birth control, USE IT FOR GOD'S SAKE!! Women have far more options when it comes to birth control than men do, all we have is a rubber that is one of the least effective forms of birth control out there.

Getting a therapist would be beneficial to you, but seriously you need Leykis 101. To many it is nothing more than some rich shock jock on the radio, but honestly he talks about issues like you are going through EVERYDAY and you could really learn a lot. I don't think the show is on any Canadian radio stations, last I remember the Canadian government deemed his show improper or something and kicked him off a station in Vancouver. But thanks to the internet, you can still listen while you are surfing around the net, (but of course if you are a college chick, you probably don't do that nearly as much as I haha)

Just listen, the show might piss you off at first because it's taken from a man's perspective, but it really is a show you should hear as often as you can.

Click this link below, and to listen online simply click on the Listen Live button up at the top right of the website:
BlowMeUpTom.com (http://www.blowmeuptom.com/)
Tom Leykis is on from 3pm-8pm, Monday-Friday, the rest of the time it'll be whatever other show is on 97.1 in Los Angeles.

Sorry to sound like an advertisement, but I wouldn't mention it if I didn't think it would help you, plus it's a funny show too, especially on Flash Fridays ;)

[beachguy in thongs]

But its over so....

The "so..." makes it all worth it.

[GraziLovesMary]

Hmm I guess since everybody else is, Ill throw my two cents in there seeing as how Im still awake at 6AM..

Coming from somebody that has been cheated on after 4 years of dedication by the person I knew I was going to marry.. Im against it. In fact, thats the only thing that I truly ask of any girlfriend: be faithful, because I sure as fuck will be. If I am going to be in a relationship it is because I seriously care for that person and either am in love with them, or want to fall in love with them. Otherwise it is a waste of time. If I just want some sex, I can go out and pick up any number of girls at any given time, but thats not what interests me personally.

I know Im the minority, but sex is meaningless to me unless I have a serious sense of emotional attachment with that other person. In fact, the only times Ive had sex with somebody I wasnt in love with, was my female friends aunt(I was more than just high and drunk.. its a long story, but I didnt really even come to until the sun was coming up and I realized I had been fucking this woman for 8 hours in the hot tub), and the threesomes I had with my ex and her best friend.

If Im dating somebody, and I have such a small amount of respect for them that I am harboring thoughts of cheating on them, then I obviously dont love them anymore and I would need to break up with them anyways. I would want that same amount of decency. My ex girlfriend has sentenced another man to death sometime in the very distant future because shes a dirty whore of a cheater. I dunno, its not just the ultimate sign of disrespect.. its bad karma too. She is dead to me. If she were to die tomorrow I would be neither happy nor sad. It would make no difference because in my mind and heart she is already dead. He, however, is a much different story.

Anyway, thats my stance.

[420MissHighTimes420]

ohh boy...you just opened a whole new can of issues....lol

So did you have the kid? You really should not expect a guy to "make it more serious" just because you have a kid together. You can't force love, and being in a love-less relationship is far more physiological damaging for the kid than being separated and happy, (I'm a good example ;)). You can blame him all you want for "not doing the right thing" as they say, but really you have ultimate control over getting pregnant so if you are not in a committed relationship, (aka married), you shouldn't even think about having kids. I'm not just talking about abortion, I'm talking about birth control, USE IT FOR GOD'S SAKE!! Women have far more options when it comes to birth control than men do, all we have is a rubber that is one of the least effective forms of birth control out there.

Getting a therapist would be beneficial to you, but seriously you need Leykis 101. To many it is nothing more than some rich shock jock on the radio, but honestly he talks about issues like you are going through EVERYDAY and you could really learn a lot. I don't think the show is on any Canadian radio stations, last I remember the Canadian government deemed his show improper or something and kicked him off a station in Vancouver. But thanks to the internet, you can still listen while you are surfing around the net, (but of course if you are a college chick, you probably don't do that nearly as much as I haha)

Just listen, the show might piss you off at first because it's taken from a man's perspective, but it really is a show you should hear as often as you can.

Click this link below, and to listen online simply click on the Listen Live button up at the top right of the website:
BlowMeUpTom.com (http://www.blowmeuptom.com/)
Tom Leykis is on from 3pm-8pm, Monday-Friday, the rest of the time it'll be whatever other show is on 97.1 in Los Angeles.

Sorry to sound like an advertisement, but I wouldn't mention it if I didn't think it would help you, plus it's a funny show too, especially on Flash Fridays ;)

I don't want to sound defensive butt...... we used a condum and I didnt feel it break ... he did though. He admitted to it. I was like wooaahhh im wet, o wait no, oh shit. he's like opps i knew it broke, that was so intense. And yeah i had an abortion, i payed for it myself, and went by myself to get it.
Also I'm not from canada, and I'm not a college student. ... im a young perfessional lol, I'm 18 but i live on my own and have a job.

And yeah I shouldn't have expected the relationship to get serious, but that was a realllyyyyyy hard thing for me to go through, especially alone.
I didnt tell any of my friends bc my reputation was shitty in highschool, and I didnt need abortion on my list of reasons to call me a whore.

[420MissHighTimes420]

^oh and thanks for the radio stuff... ill tune in when im out of work

[420MissHighTimes420]

And I want to let you all know, I have been unbeliveable stressed out bc of this, and I totally learned my lesson, and I'm never going to do it agian. It was fucked up, and so stupid. Cheating isnt worth it in the least!

[Nailhead]

I don't want to sound defensive butt...... we used a condum and I didnt feel it break ...

understood, and at 18 I can't criticize you for only using a condom, but for now on use a condom and something for yourself. As a woman you have a lot of choices so you have no excuse, and many are far more effective at preventing birth. I have a lot of respect for women that use their own birth control. I've heard the shot is pretty good, but in the rare case you are allergic there are other options as well.

Here is a pretty informative list I just googled you can check out, damn you have so many options, all guys get is a fucking cock strangler lol
birth control (http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/index.htm)
I also thought you mentioned in another thread you live in Washington state, if this is correct that same site has a link where you can get free birth control for a year...hey not bad!

Sorry to hear about people giving you shit for the abortion, that really is none of their damn business unless you want it to be, some people need to just focus on their own life and stop harassing others for how they live their life. If those are your friends saying things like that, they aren't friends so fuck em. I guarantee some of them probably have had abortions too they just didn't tell anybody about it, there are a lot of hypocrites like that :(

Where abouts are you from by the way? I found a list of radio stations in different cities that have Tom on the air, but I think Seattle recently dropped him. I dunno, my work truck doesn't have a radio so I rarely get to listen anymore :(
Cities Leykis is on air (http://www.blowmeuptom.com/leykis-or-not/comments.php?DiscussionID=18)

[420MissHighTimes420]

Great info, thanks agian nailhead.

[420MissHighTimes420]

ok well i feel stupid after thinking that I would think it's ok. so hes gone now, far away and Im aware that he is most likely getting with other girls, I dont know if he is 100% or not, but Im not stupid and I know hes 5 hours away, getting wasted around a bunch of girls who are also wasted, and either single or away from there boyfriends. we aren't technically together, and let me tell you its so painful. the thought of him being with another girl is HORRIBLE. I thought it wouldnt bother me if it didn't mean anything but it does. i look at his facebook (As lame as it sounds) and see all these girls commenting him about funny shit and there little jokes and it made me want to crawl up and die. i hate that he might be with someone who is prettier, has a better body, better in bed, anythign it hurts. i hate it.
I know when i cheated on him it was wrong, but now I see how bad it can really hurt. its killing me

[someuser]

I always said that I would never cheat on someone because I thought that it meant you didn't have strong feelings for them, or you were lacking something in the realtionship...

But then this weekend I cheated... Earlier that day my friend who I havent seen in ahwile called me n was like come down town. So since I already was I called n asked if I could sleep over... so we were just drinking and one thing led to another and we fucked...

I feel terrible but at the same time it was just one night where I got caught up in the moment.

Deleted. Seems the situation was resolved.

[snowblind]

cheating is a messy subject, i cheated loads on a girl that i loved more than anything. it wasn't like i went out my way to meet girls, but what ive come to realise since, was that when i was in a relationship with her i was a lot more laid back and never got anxious about talking to girls cus i knew i had a wikid girl at home. so when girls approached me i would just be chatty and have a laugh. that combined with alchol made me make some unwise descisions.

i was always honest though, about the girls i slept with. because i thought she deserved the truth and because i wanted her for once to maybe get a bit jealous and a bit mad, sorta test the boundries of our relationship. but it never happened. i think thats what i was craving more than anything a bit of reassurance she actually wanted me and that i wasn't just there for comfort.

anyway it swung back around cus she cheated on me with my best mate, this guy was like the brother i never had. it hurt so much that she could have just gone to any bar any club and picked out a guy, she was gergous and wikid to talk to.

after that things were never that same. it made me really really angry and i couldnt get over it. i eventually left her because it was ruining me more than anything else. but wheni told her the truth she threw it all back in my face saying all the times i had cheated she was at least allowed to cheat.

this really well made things apparent, becuase to forgive is to forget. and well i think she was more anoid that she hadn't left with the moral high ground as it were. but in hindsight i realise that maybe our realtionship wasnt as great as i thought and i now know when i meet a girl i really want to be with, like the girl im seeing at the moment. that i would never ever cheat.

i think it takes a real awesome person to be able to forgive properly. but being honest is a risk as they might not be that person and so they have every right to leave. but all of life is a learning curve and its just something you have to learn yourself.

anyway theres my 2 cents

peace

snow

[maik]

Eh, get over it, 420miss...

Yeah, it doesn't matter whether she's prettier, or whatever her appearance might be.

At least he's starting out with someone he can trust, and not just holding a sword that cut him before.

Don't worry, sometimes wisdom catches up with years. But sometimes it never can when you have so much of a head start on it.

[KushMaster5]

if you have no feelings for him then why are you with him...???

[higher4hockey]

cheating is an ugly word. if you're cheating in a relationship, imo you're not ready for a real one yet.

[thcbongman]

Hmm I guess since everybody else is, Ill throw my two cents in there seeing as how Im still awake at 6AM..

Coming from somebody that has been cheated on after 4 years of dedication by the person I knew I was going to marry.. Im against it. In fact, thats the only thing that I truly ask of any girlfriend: be faithful, because I sure as fuck will be. If I am going to be in a relationship it is because I seriously care for that person and either am in love with them, or want to fall in love with them. Otherwise it is a waste of time. If I just want some sex, I can go out and pick up any number of girls at any given time, but thats not what interests me personally.

I know Im the minority, but sex is meaningless to me unless I have a serious sense of emotional attachment with that other person. In fact, the only times Ive had sex with somebody I wasnt in love with, was my female friends aunt(I was more than just high and drunk.. its a long story, but I didnt really even come to until the sun was coming up and I realized I had been fucking this woman for 8 hours in the hot tub), and the threesomes I had with my ex and her best friend.

If Im dating somebody, and I have such a small amount of respect for them that I am harboring thoughts of cheating on them, then I obviously dont love them anymore and I would need to break up with them anyways. I would want that same amount of decency. My ex girlfriend has sentenced another man to death sometime in the very distant future because shes a dirty whore of a cheater. I dunno, its not just the ultimate sign of disrespect.. its bad karma too. She is dead to me. If she were to die tomorrow I would be neither happy nor sad. It would make no difference because in my mind and heart she is already dead. He, however, is a much different story.

Anyway, thats my stance.

I have never met anyone who shared the same stance as I do. No wonder I thought you were cool from the start.

As for me, my ex-wife cheated on me hardcore, I don't even want to talk about it. I'll never cheat on anyone, ever. I'll never cause that pain to another person.

However it's happens, and while one maybe the devil reincarnate to your former significant other, everyone sins once in a while. Simply have to learn from your mistakes and move on.

[DebuteMachine23]

Right, you were drinking. Thats a perfect excuse. I bet you were totally clueless as to what drinking would lead to. I am dissapointed. He may be immature, but he deserves better than someone who will make up lame excuses as to why it was okay to cheat. :mad: