pregnant friend

[napolitana869]

My friend is pregnant and I have no idea what to tell her to make her feel better. This couldnt come at a worse time for her, and she cant go to her family for help. He boyfriend took the news ok but he's only 19 (she'll be 21 this year), and he was supposed to start college this fall. I know how scared she must be, and I feel like I'm a bad friend because I dont know what to tell her. She's only told me and her boyfriend so far.

[stinkyattic]

How far along is she? Has she told her doctor yet?
If she is feeling miserable about being pregnant, she has a decision to make, and quickly.
You, in the position of Close Friend, get to be the one to say you'll stand by whatever decision she makes, but that you hope she will take care of herself and her future most of all.
I hope this thread doesn't turn into a huge debate on a woman's right to choose...

[napolitana869]

Shes going to the doctor next week. She had some bleeding yesterday, but she tested positive on Saturday. She's going to keep it, but she hopes the bleeding might have been an early miscarriage. I think shes scared of the uncertainty more than anything.

[deftdrummer]

I had a female friend go through the same exact thing when I was your age. I too was the friend that she needed guidance from and I could tell she was very scared and worried. I stated the options she had just like stinky recommended, while still trying to be a good friend and support her. However, my fiend from the start ruled out the option of an abortion so I had little more to offer.

In the case of your friend, it seems like she is scared and trying to make the right decision yet doesn't want an abortion. I am not one to make any judgments about someone I don't even know, but it seems like your friend is leaning towards saving her future (and the other guy's future, remember he counts too) by not wanting to carry till term. In my eyes it doesn't make much sense to hope for a "natural" abortion when an abortion is obtainable. To me it is the same thing but I'm not going to get too deep into this.

[stinkyattic]

it seems like she is scared and trying to make the right decision yet doesn't want an abortion. ... it doesn't make much sense to hope for a "natural" abortion when an abortion is obtainable. To me it is the same thing

This is a very good observation. Almost as if a miscarriage would let you off the hook morally, if that's how you feel about abortion...

[napolitana869]

Shes worried about how an abortion would affect her mental health (this is a huge concern for her because of some medical issues she has) and that abortion can reduce fertility later in life for some people. She doesnt think she could do adoption because she doesnt think she would be able to give it up, even if she knew it was best for the child.
What really sucks for her is that she just lost her virginity to this guy, and the conception likely happened then.

[deftdrummer]

Sorry to say, but if she just lost her virginity and also became pregnant she's going down the path that leads to one long hard road. I don't know man be a friend but also be stern, she sounds young and might just need a good talking to. Perhaps one mistake doesn't have to be followed by another....

[napolitana869]

She knows what she did was stupid. They were both drunk. I know thats no excuse, but I doubt she thought they were going to end up having sex. Its the type of mistake you make when you're a teenager, but she was only involved with other girls at that point so she didnt have the chance to make it (or learn from it)

[Storm Crow]

Just be there for her. Listen more than you talk, think before you speak, and be her good friend. There's not much else you can do.- Granny:hippy:

[dancerat]

I've heard a lot about mental anguish and abortions, and I have to chip in and say I've had several abortions and the mental anguish does not last. I have no regrets at all about doing what I felt I needed to do at the time, and although I can't speak for everyone of course, I think the "lasting" mental effects are overhyped by the anti-choice crowd.

[napolitana869]

I just talked to her and she said she had a miscarriage

[birdgirl73]

Sounds like things worked out how they were supposed to, then, both physically and circumstantially. I'm sorry the accidental pregnancy resulted, but I'm not sorry that an unplanned baby won't be born to a couple of young people who weren't ready to have sex in the first place, much less start a family.

How nice of you to have been there for your friend, Napolitana, supporting her through all this. I hope she'll avoid the drunken sex scenario in her future intimacies and that she'll use reliable birth control from here on out. Somehow I suspect she will. You're a nice friend. (But, then, we already knew that!)