Why is promiscuity associated with low self-esteem?

[cannabis=freedom]

That's bullshit. I always hear this about how anyone, male or female (but most often female), don't think anything of themselves if they have a lot of sex.

Have you ever thought that maybe they're really horny, and that sex is something that is there to be enjoyed? That's like saying a weed-smoker has a low opinion of himself...while we all know that MOST tokers do so just because it's so damn fun to get high!

Now, I'm not saying every promiscious person is free from these problems, but I just think the majority enjoy sex because it simply feels good, and they want to have as much of it as possible.

[Its a Plant]

But promiscuity means with multiple partners as well...haha...so yeah...enjoy being a whore. :thumbsup:

[cannabis=freedom]

But promiscuity means with multiple partners as well...haha...so yeah...enjoy being a whore. :thumbsup:

Haha I'm just saying, what does it matter if it's multiple partners? Some people don't like just one flavour of ice cream....

[FreeVenice]

I think that people are promiscuous when they can't handle being with one person. Either they can't handle putting trust in someone, or they are scared that there not worth someone putting their life in there hands. I think allot of people get addicted to that new car smell too. . .lol

[FakeBoobsRule]

It can mean low self-esteem but it doesn't always mean low self esteem. Sex can fill a need for attention which can be validation for someone with low self esteem.

[birdgirl73]

In studies of people who're considered promiscuous, though, a simple love for and desire for lots of sex isn't what's found. The link between "promiscuity" and low self-esteem has been proven many times, clear back to the days of the Kinsey studies in the 40s and 50s.

I'm not saying there aren't people who like sex and crave a lot of it. There are. And then there are people who're downright sexually compulsive, who're using sex really as a substitue for something else, almost getting a high off it. Those people have major issues and almost need 12-step help for sex addicts.

I actually struggle with the word "promiscuity" because it's a word that carries with it a lot of judgment, I think. But particularly with women who have lots and lots of partners, the research has shown that they're often acting out other issues by choosing all those partners, either a need to find love (as opposed to sex) or replace affection that was missing in their family of origin, or replace affection and attention they didn't get from their male parent. There are lots of reasons.

The link to low self-esteem is fairly easy to understand if you know how people, particulary women, are wired. Under normal circumstances, we're genetically and evolutionarily driven toward choosing a single, steady partner. That's in our genetic makeup because, of course, we bear children and so need to find a solid, steady partner who'll be in there with us for the long run, helping raise that child. Men are less inclined toward monogamy and, consequently, have a higher ratio of sex partners. But when folks aren't feeling good about themselves, they'll often jump from partner to partner, looking for a partner to satisfy some need that's not being met elsewhere. There's where the esteem issue comes in. And particularly with women, who are, as a rule, more sexually satisfied with a partner they know, love and trust (this has to do with a recent study done in the Netherlands about orgasmic ability being found to be possible under circumstances where there's no fear or mistrust), repeated, frequent nearly anonymous partners aren't what do the trick emotionally or sexually for us.

So that's where the link between promiscuity and low-self-esteem come in. I inevitably get lots of "Oh, that's just bogus" comments from young men, but you can research the studies for yourselves and see that I'm citing valid information and reasons here. I've also volunteered in a women's crisis center for many many years. Those ladies, many of whom have abusive, awful partners, are the epitome of low self-esteem. If they weren't they wouldn't choose people who treated them so badly. Before settling on their partners, they inevitably had numerous other sexual partners, none of them satisfying, loving, or long-lasting relationships. If they'd had a little more belief in themselves and their value, they'd have been able to hold out and find someone who'd treat them decently instead of just jump from bed to bed with succession of Mr. Wrongs. When women like themselves, they value the emotional intimacy that comes along with physical, and they aren't so quick to spread their legs for someone unless it's clear he's capable of both.

[crudemood]

everything in moderation i say..
but promiscuity isnt for me, im one loyal partner! but then again i'm afraid of comittment, you can see how torn i am at times.. and how lonely. lol. damn my ethics!

[Ash 420]

There isn't always an underlying issue, some people just like having sex alot. It can be very fun. But I also think that some people screw to fill some sort of void in their life.

[cannabis=freedom]

Birdgirl, I absolutely agree that anyone who stays in an abusive relationship or who has sex with people whom they do not like at all definitely has issues....having said that, though, a young man or woman who has sex with a great number of people whom they like (on however superficial of a level) and who is treated well...what's the harm, really? Youth is a time where commitment isn't necessarily a must, right?

[420MissHighTimes420]

For me it does. I sometimes feel shitty about myself, and when guys want me it makes me feel wanted and well just plain better about myself. Pathetic I know.

[PlantBoxer]

I'm not sure I buy into the whole "we're wired that way" concept. When did we get rewired? I'm in NO way a follower of the bible, but I did have to study the damned thing as a kid, and I do remember asking once, why the bible had so many stories of a man and his wife and concubines?? WTF!! Swingers so to speak...I got railed in the head for that observation!

Our sex drive is to build population, the more of us squirming around, the better the chances of survival become. This Earth has so far as man is concerned has endured about 5-6 total wipe outs of life on Earth. Each time we come back in stronger numbers, and smarter, due to the tiny few that are survivors, as they had to smart to live, they had to push out into different foods, different enviroments, and they had to travel to always search for food. Tool creation came about this way, hell IMHO, almost all came about this way, simple Eveloution. Cataclysm, then a few survivors, huge sex drive, more people.
I think it's the creation of modern man and his desire to live with one mate and only one mate, as the created religious nonsense, which is simply job creation, or a way of someone to do nothing, while professing to be a prophet, sage, wiseman, oracle, that has some insight, some power, that ONLY THEY POSESS, so of course it's a blessing from God, so you should be wary, live the right way, our way, and all else is wrong if you dont.
Most psychologist, simple tell you your fucked up, to keep their job. Just like most MJ nonsense is constantly pushed by the scum and villiany that is on the payroll of public funds, or fleeceing the taxpayer, for THEIR good.
Sure some folks do have personal issues, and a good psychologist, may help you to deal with them in your life, but to tell a high libido person they are doing something wrong is just not right to me. They need to find other like minded folks to be with. Unless they truly dont wish to engage in those activities, they then need to channel into something else or lead to another path.
I just dont see it as a big deal.

[Matt the Funk]

I think that people are promiscuous when they can't handle being with one person. Either they can't handle putting trust in someone, or they are scared that there not worth someone putting their life in there hands. That's how I see it too. I've seen plenty of whores who are great nice girls but either their dads raped them or abused them/etc and they basically can't have relationships. Kinda sad, makes me feel bad. But then other people just like being whores. Lots of teens/20somethings are just horny(mostly teens) and like sex.

[birdgirl73]

Birdgirl, I absolutely agree that anyone who stays in an abusive relationship or who has sex with people whom they do not like at all definitely has issues....having said that, though, a young man or woman who has sex with a great number of people whom they like (on however superficial of a level) and who is treated well...what's the harm, really? Youth is a time where commitment isn't necessarily a must, right?
To your question above, Cannabis=Freedom, I don't see any harm in that at all, either. I think the bed-hopping when people do it for reasons other than physical pleasure (like sexual compulsiveness or looking for love that they didn't receive someplace else) is when the low self-esteem issue factors in. If they do it for fun and because they happen to like their partners and enjoy sex, then I'm all for that, too. People definitely need to sow their wild oats when they're young and before they're committed.

[KHAN]

If you dont like your haircut you use another barbers dont you? :)

[rastaman79]

sex,sex,sex...its just sex.you do,or you dont. its one of the very few things on earth that doesn`t cost anything...yet. In the words of pablo francisco, "if your with a girl and its clickin....lets parrrty!" im not a whore `cos i hate myself i do it cos i LIKE it!,i just wish i was a hippy in the 60`s u.s.a,all that said id probably be dead of aids or some shit now lol

[psteve]

Once again, BG has the facts correct.
LSE is a factor in nearly all domestic abuse situations as well.

[khronik]

BG was right about the female brain, I think. Still, whatever the mechanisms are for wiring our brain according to our biological sex, they're not foolproof. They often don't snap into place quite as well as they should, and there are many, many people who wind up with their brains partially wired like the opposite sex. Sometimes, you'll get a guy who wants to get married and only have sex with one woman for his entire life. Sometimes, you'll get a guy who is attracted to other guys. And sometimes you'll get a woman who likes having sex with a lot of different guys without necessarily having low self-esteem. This variation contributes a lot to our diversity, and I think this is a good thing. :)