Six Feet From The Edge And I'm Thinkin...

[Jah420]

I know the last thing we need in the lounge is another 'omg im so fuckin angry guess what happened' post.. so ill just lay it down.. this is more about having somewhere to just type, so i'm sorry if it's considered a waste of space.

-

Living in this house with my family and myself has driven me way to close to the fucking edge. I have both parents.. but no money coming in right now so they just spark off each other. I have 2 brothers, of which one has a condition, and i'm sick to my back teeth of living here, like this.

I suffer from moderate depression and other borderline things but they don't get in the way if im just left to handle myself. But this life at the moment... I can't handle well... because it's just a joke. I've learnt over time that noone really gives a fuck, because the people who might, can't do anything about it, they just worry.

Anyway... I know people have it much much worse than me so im'a cut the sob story. Last week I snapped. It's been coming for a while. It started with one of my brothers, who seems to think he can just take the piss outta me, say whatever he wants, steal from me, whatever. Well he made a comment last week deliberately aimed at causing me hassle.. so I went into his room and launched for his arm, then left. Few moments later my mom comes down and starts goin sick at me for this bruise on his arm.. (he's blatently regarded as more important than me by both my parents) I tried explaining why, I tried reasoning, eventually I tried just getting out of her fucking way before I did something stupid. She wouldn't leave it. So I went into the kitchen, at this point trying to regulate my breathing because of the seething anger and resent I had bottled up.. I smashed up this plate and told her to fuck off... finally she left it.

Since then it's just been slowly downhill, even though it's case closed. I have fluctuating periods of extreme anger from just being inside these walls.. I won't let myself pick up any tools or anything that could be used as a weapon cuz I could end up just smashing up a room.

So everything now is just seriously hostile. Anything and everything I do, if there's a way it can be made hostile, it will be, know what I mean? If im watchin somethin on TV one of them will come and change the channel just for the crack of it.. all shit like that.

But I know how it works... none of it's gonna change until I make a full, sincere and surrendering apology to everyone.
So my family drive me to the edge and push me off, then they expect an apology? Somehow I don't fucking think so.


So.. yeah.. that's the way it is.
I don't have any money.
No money means no weed, so no release of stress.
I can't get a job to get money(exams everywhere, then college)
I don't have anywhere else to get the rain off my back. Nowhere to run.


I'm trapped in this fucking horrific suburban stalemate and I don't know how much longer things can hold together.

:buzz_saw:


someone, somewhere... blaze up a bowl for me, eh?

[geonagual]

I am tokin for you...
You gotta make the peace..
even if it is just saying how you feel...
would make it a lot easier to live there...

[Reefer Rogue]

Tough situation to be in. I would blaze one for you but i have none myself rite now either. If they were just trying to piss me off on purpose i wouldn't apologise either.

[BUZz UK]

tell em you're gay

[iStaaHi]

shit,, i thought this was an angry story about aangry stories,,, but yeh, go with tellin him your ah hemaphrodite and gay,, iwell i guess bi

[Acouwaila]

I have been legitimately depressed lately pondering the world, society, and how fucked up everything is...and how no one cares about anyone but themselves....well most people...

When I start to feel like this, I tend to look for God and it makes me feel a lot better when I know hes on my side. God is like a medicine for me.

However, I think...and I think...and I think....and I believe in God but what human doesn't ever doubt there is one, and thinks about loneliness forever...

But honestly, when I doubt theres a God , he sends me signs and helps me to believe.

Find God my friend...

[Skink]

Jack a couple beans from the bro that's been stealing and get a sack...

No really you need anger managment... Occupy your free time with something you enjoy...

[mattks1]

youre exactly right man, most people dont give a shit about you or your problems. mainly because you dont give a shit a them and their problems, right? i mean, to be honest, i dont give a shit about you and your problems and dont expect anyone to give a shit about mine. you just gotta suck it up. youre not a girl, so some knight's not gonna come sweep you off youre feet and save you from this horrible nightmare. grab your bootstraps and keep on walkin. this may sound harsh, but you gotta take control of your life. dont let other people be the deciding factor. if there is nothing you feel that you can do to change the situation, then deal with the curent situation as best possible, with a smile.

[B.Basher]

Hmm, well they're putting you through college. Much better than most is all I can say.

But I can still dig your shitty situation, I would advise you to simply stay away as often as you can. Crash at a mates, go on long walks/trips, just plain hang out somewhere else, the fact is if your pissimg them off and they're pissing you off, waiting to see who's gonna have the next big outburst isn't the way forward. Think of ways to help yourself, by the sound of it your folks won't stop at an apology. It's an unhealthy atmosphere, so get out of it.

[Runaway Jim]

I suggest you get some gloves and a punching bag, because, although my room is covered holes and dents and shit (cant make it to the basement when im THAT angry) It is a good way of releasing anger, and trust me, after a few months of hitting a heavy bag hard, and with a bit of training, you will be able to knock grown men out in no time.

[friendoftheend]

No money means no weed, so no release of stress.


Weed isnt the only way to relieve stress.. Try working out or running or something.. That always seems to work for me... Like if your pissed then just leave and go walk or jog and by the time you get back you might feel better..

[bobthenuker]

Weed isnt the only way to relieve stress..

You mean...there's other ways....?

Hmm what are these other ways. :jointsmile:

[mrdevious]

There's nothing worse than people who think they'll make you act better by treating you like shit. Parents especially seem to get stuck in this retarded loop, like a friend I had who's mom I one day heard say to him "You failed again!?! Damnit ___, I've grounded you and grounded you, I've punished you every way I can think of, and this shit's still been going on for years! How much am I am going to have to punish you before you shape up?". Well DUH, you can't try the same thing a million times and expect a different result!

My point here is that your parents seem to be doing the same thing, they won't stop being assholes to you until you shape up, as if being an asshole to someone is going to improve your relationship with them. And maybe you should try bringing that up with your parents, or maybe first your siblings if it would be easier. It's very complicated, exactly how to approach the issue without sounding like you're making a hostile ultimatum.

Try this. Propose to your parents that you both make a list of everything that's frustrating you about the other people in your house, then exchange. You have to pre-agree that there are no wrong answers, that nobody will bitch anybody out for what they feel or how they see things. It's just to see a full list of how one sees the other, how your making each other feel, and why. Tell your mom (on the paper) that you feel like she cares way more about your other sibling, tell her that screaming at you only builds up your rage, tell her anything and everything that's on your mind about her or anybody.

Anywhoo, that's my advice, take it or leave it. Good luck to you.

[zino11]

take depression pills not illegally but try to get some prescribed

[Jah420]

Thanks everyone for your help..

I'm currently just stuck in the middle of it all still.. yesterday it nearly all kicked off again.. my bro started blaming me for somethin he'd broken.. I actually couldn't beleive he'd started doing it again so fast. Just makes me fuckin sick to my stomach.. every aspect of living here right now.. won't be able to get any smoke for a while either so i've got nothing to look forward to.

So.. yeah.. thanks again for your comments.. I'll come back and talk to some specific people as soon as the red haze has eased a little bit.. as it is right now, if the rents knew I was using their internet it'd all go up in an almighty shitstorm again.