Feeling nothing

[Purple Banana]

I know I have MANY days in a month when I simply have no empathy/sympathy for anything... I just feel completely flat and emotionless- not depressed or upset, just completely void of any feeling. I could see a person get hit by a car, and simply not care. I think a lot of it has to do with my Schizo, but the meds can't really help it. And it's odd feeling like this, because before all of this happened, I was a VERY empathetic and caring person- I still am, but there are these type of days. Does that make me a bad person? I can't help but think it does.

[rebgirl420]

I have no empathy for anything myself and my meds are supposed to help too, but alas, they don't. I just kind of go with it and let it run out of my system. I wish I had an answer but I do know what you mean. I dont even mind it anymore.

[Purple Banana]

It comes and goes in stages, I think it might be triggered by a heavy emotional response- the other day, for example, a little girl of about 12 came in with a sponatenous pneumothorax (collapsed lung) and died- I cried for hours...

Today when I think about it, I feel nothing. It's not that I don't care, it's just I have apathetic feelings about it.

[rebgirl420]

Sounds like your mind is putting up walls so you dont have to deal with all the sadness. Its a defense mechanism.

[mrdevious]

I personally have abnormally high empathy. Not to be mistaken with sympathy, but when I see anybody suffering, even slightly, I feel it 100% too and want to help them.

But you know what, that doesn't make me any more or less a "good" person than you PurpleBanana. Empathy is just a part of the brain that developes as you age, and maybe schizophrenia has a tendency to suppress it. Either way, isn't not whether or not you have empathy that determines your worth as a moral person, it's what you do with your mindset to affect those around you, that really counts.

There are, BTW, certain buddhist meditation techniques that are used to help develope empathy and diminish the mental barriers that separate you from other conscious entities. Meditation literally means "the art of focus", and when you learn to clear the mind and focus strongly on one aspect (ie. empathy) of the mind until you are settled in and naturally placed in that zone, you strengthen that part of the brain immensely.

[Bodom Children Of]

i feel like that all the time. I hope for gore. Haven't you learned life is only death. No it doesn't make you a bad person, there's no hope left for mankind.

[PureEvil760]

3 words: stop taking meds

[Purple Banana]

I don't think it's a defense mechanism, it happens a lot per month, regardless of whether or not something sad happens.

And if I stopped taking my meds, I think it'd be much worse, Evil.

Don't get me wrong- most days in a month, I am filled to the brim with happiness- it's just days like today when I'm flat. I heard a few more voices, and saw a few more things than usual today, so maybe it's a flareup.

[mrdevious]

Sounds like a seratonin plummet actually.

[PureEvil760]

i was diagnosed with schizophrenia a long time ago and now realize that it was a false diagnoses and the aderall or whatever it was called made me feel like shit.

[mrdevious]

i was diagnosed with schizophrenia a long time ago and now realize that it was a false diagnoses and the aderall or whatever it was called made me feel like shit.

I don't know man, just keep in mind that whatever you see, whatever supernatural entites impart significant wisdom to you, the human brain is 100% capable of producing it of it's own accord, with absolutely no subtle hints that the experience isn't genuin. It's an amazing thing really. I don't mean to put you down, please don't take it as such, I just think when you talk about speaking to supernatural entities you have to consider all the possibilities, especially the more likely ones.

[Skink]

we all have changes,,, it's a part of life for me anyway... I believe everyones emotions run hot and cold,,,just like a bad hair day... the fact that you care about it tells me your not evil,,,don't be so hard on yourself

[PureEvil760]

I don't know man, just keep in mind that whatever you see, whatever supernatural entites impart significant wisdom to you, the human brain is 100% capable of producing it of it's own accord, with absolutely no subtle hints that the experience isn't genuin. It's an amazing thing really. I don't mean to put you down, please don't take it as such, I just think when you talk about speaking to supernatural entities you have to consider all the possibilities, especially the more likely ones.

i have divine madness which is alot like schizophrenia so i could see how they could get to that conclusion, but divine madness is not somthing psycotherapists even know about, and i know that my spiritual experiences were all real..accept for a couple of astral projections cause they seemed like dreams.

[PureEvil760]

taken from Global Oneness - The meeting place for Cultural Creatives - Articles, News, Community, Forums, Travel & Events and much more (http://www.experiencefestival.com).

during divine madness the individual may have any combination or all of the following symptoms:


Feelings of depression, despair, loneliness
Loss of energy
Chronic exhaustion not linked to a physical disorder
Loss of control over one's personal and/or professional direction in life
Unusual sensitivity to light, sound and other environmental factors
Anger, frustration, lack of patience
Loss of identity, purpose, and meaning to life
Withdrawal from life's everyday routines
Feelings of madness and insanity
A sense of abandonment by God
Feelings of inadequacy
Lessened feelings of attachment to family and friends
Loss of attention span, self-confidence and self-esteem
Frequent bouts of spontaneous crying and weeping

These symptoms mimic ordinary clinical depression. However, there is a major difference. Spiritual madness is an "inner thing" between you and God during which deep, rich spiritual growth is occurring. Anti-depressants may rob you of this miraculous (yet painful) experience.

[mrdevious]

Those symptoms seems like the person experiencing devine madness is actually losing control of their consciousness, rather than learning to control and explore it. Sorry, but I believe one can only learn to control where they take their existence, by understanding its nature and manipulating it to whatever ends are sought.

[Purple Banana]

I don't feel a "loss of connection with God," I don't even really believe in a god. I know for those who DO happen to believe, it can be hard to imagine someone not believing, but that's how I feel.

Many people, actually about 1% of the population have roughly a very similar
chemical fuck-up, if you want to put it crudely, as myself. Although every person's body is very different, there is a very similar element to the type of brain chemicals released/not released. What is so spiritual about that? I fully respect your opinion, if you believe in divine madness, I have no problem with it, I'm simply saying this is how I view my symptoms- I know my body better than anyone else, in addition to how (for the most part) it works.

As stated in a previous thread, I don't really mind the random thoughts that come with the disorder, and I'm more than able to maintain an intelligent thought, but it's simply not as simply spiritual to me when I go from a 3.8 college student to dropping out because I am unable to recall new information.

For the record, I can feel all of my symptoms the exact same with or without medication- it's just a matter of frequency, excluding the feelings of nothing.

EDIT: Mr Devious- It could very well be a large seratonin plummet; I was thinking decreased dopamine activity... I can easily understand the physical and neurochemical pathways in the brain, but dealing with it emotionally, or lack thereof, is difficult to explain or control.

[slipknotpsycho]

Bleeding now iâ??m
Crying out iâ??m
Falling down and iâ??m
Feeling nothing like
Laughing now iâ??m
Stopping now iâ??m
Reaching out and iâ??m
Feeling nothing

Yeah, you have created a rift within me
Now there have been several complications
That have left me feeling nothing
I might say, you were wrong to take it from me
Left me feeling nothing

Crawling now iâ??m
Beaten down iâ??m
Tortured now and iâ??m
Feeling nothing like
Hunting now iâ??m
Stalking now iâ??m
Reaching out and iâ??m
Killing nothing

I can feel you ripping and teaching
Feeding and growing inside of me
I want this, more than you know
I need this, give it back to me


sorry your thread title made my mind instantly go to this song... i think i know what your feeling..

to me, music is the medicine that pills can't solve...

[Purple Banana]

I think people are accidentally equating 'feeling nothing' as feeling sad/depressed/pscyhotic, but it's not. It's just mildly boring whenever it happens, like "Oh, it's a rainbow. Whatever," and then I feel just flat lined for 2 days at most. But yeah, I do get depressed some days.

Good song, though. Disturbed, right?

[slipknotpsycho]

yeah, and i'm still pretty sure what you're talking about it, i go through periods (sometimes as short as a single day, sometimes as long as 2-3 weeks) where i.... just don't care...

i'm deviod of all emotion and feeling, and it's like i'm on autopilot or something, just doing what i gotta do to get through the day.... no desire to play games, or 'have fun', not mad, sad, happy, depressed, crazy, etc... i'm just... 'blah' it's hard to really describe...

[Purple Banana]

Yeah, that's definately it. My parents know about a lot of the minor auditory/visual hallucinations and bizarre thoughts about my schizo, it's just I'd rather not have them know about these little episodes- I think they's think I was turning into some psychotic person? But I have no desire to harm anyone, so it's all cancelled out.

[slipknotpsycho]

if you find a way to counter it by some way, please share. i don't like going through those periods... it usually leaves me and the wife very distant...

at those times i'm content to just sit in my chair and stare at the wall/computer screen all day... or lay in bed and stare at the ceiling... days pass so slow when it happens =/

[LIP]

Of course your not a bad person. I'm like that sometimes. I've seen a hell of alot of violent shit in my time and sometimes i dont care and sometimes i do. I think it depends on the situation for me, i dunno but i try not to let it bother me. I might come off as a selfish prick sometimes but meh, i want to be happy. I just try to think of it as not being so much my problem.

[Purple Banana]

Same your way- I'd like to find a way to avoid these funks; somedays I think "Why bother really living?" but I always remind myself that I have a given number of days per month that I'm going to feel this way for maybe 2 days at a time, and it'll subside. I'm not suicidal, nor have I ever been and probably ever will, it's just those thoughts pass through.

I thought toking would help, but at most it made a tiny dent. I know how you feel about the whole distancing thing... I have a few set of friends in random places that I went from seeing every day to seeing maybe 4 times a month. I think they get pissed, like they think I'm abandoning them, but that's not it at all.

EDIT: I once felt like this a few weeks ago, and I spent (I shit you not) 3 hours simply staring at myself in a mirror. Just because. It was odd.

LIP- People give me shit sometimes because a 'tragedy' occurs on the news, and everyone's like "Can you believe this?!" and I'm like "Eh" if it's one of those days, and they give me a look like "WTF you dick."

[slipknotpsycho]

i just ignore the people like that... i mean even fi you ignore the void part, most everything people freak out about, happens nearly daily... i mean you can only see/hear/feel/etc something so many times before it just becomes an everyday thing and it has no effect on you what so ever...

but yeah i get in 'trouble' alot too... i can't make myself care and i don't like to lie, so i never try and fake emotion about something someone is telling me or anything... i usually just have a blank stare and say "ok?" "and....?" or "so...?"

come to think of it, i ain't had one of these episodes in awhile... which can only mean two things, one's coming up, or i'm through with them for good... but i highly doubt the latter as i'm already feeling it mildly (could just be that i'm tired tho)

i bet you sometime in the future this 'disease' is gonna have a name, and 10 new pills to take care of it... all of which, none really work... i just can see it now...

commercial shows some guy in a solid white room with just a door, sitting in the corner facing the walls... "do you lack motovation? do you face periods of no emotion? well then talk to your doctor about _ _ _ _ _ _ _... side effects may include rectal bleeding, sleeplessness, restlessness, sleepiness, dizzyness, diahreah, heart burn, cancer, aids, genital warts, hemoraging, stroke, heart attack, penis shriveling, headaches, naseau, depression, unexplained fits of anger, dry mouth, unpleasant taste, diabetes, paralysis, premature birth (whether you're pregnant or not) herpes, blindness, congestion, itchy eyes, runny nose, or tooth decay, and in some rare cases, DEATH. so get back to your life, talk to your doctor, and get strated on your new life today."


ok well i'm off to bed.

[Purple Banana]

Well at least I won't have to worry about the penis shrinking part :P

EDIT: I'm off to bed too- Gotta work night shift tonight :(

[LIP]

Slip is that bit real? If so -christ.

[Purple Banana]

That's odd, when I went to sleep I was feeling nothing, and I woke up and I feel great :)

WHY DOES IT DO THAT?!

[slipknotpsycho]

i dunno i kept having weird ass dreams bordering on nightmares last night.. (part of it was some weird ghost thing was making me play on the computer and then he jumped up on the desk with a condom hanging out of his ass, and shit/pissed all over the keyboard and mouse and still made me play on it.. i'm not shitting you either, that's what happened right before i woke up)

no lip it's not real o.0

[Greenport]

well, sometimes I have no feelings. Ive fought and hurt people badly before and laughed about it cause they fucked with me and my friends..Other days I sit and cry about nothing. Dunno why.

[Purple Banana]

I keep having dreams about getting banned from this site! And every time, it's for the same thing!

[Skink]

That's odd, when I went to sleep I was feeling nothing, and I woke up and I feel great :)

WHY DOES IT DO THAT?!

I told you,,,you were having a bad day,,,your not the only one...

[Purple Banana]

I know I was, it's just they happen so often, I was simply venting and all.

[Skink]

I know I was, it's just they happen so often, I was simply venting and all.

I know,,,it's wonderful to have a place to go and tell someone... Have a nice night...

[mmm...pizza]

I used to feel that way alot...now i get blazed and go visit this old lady of near 90 and listen to the same stories and sometimes I might get one that I havent heard yet. It makes her so happy, which in return makes me happy and gave me that good feeling back. I also swim at the beach...got out more to places i actually liked to be at.

[Demeter]

Hello my dear purple banana! I'm sorry that your feelings, or lack of, upset you. I used to have those very flat days, where everything felt like nothing.
You are a kind and brave person to handle the shifts your brain chemistry gives you. The weird thing is trying to keep the "you" separate from the chemistry- I use this little "it's not me, it's my OCD" to keep myself from getting on my own case. It passes. You know better than anybody that those feelings come and go. Some of the feelings are not fun, but they hopefully aren't forever. Rest assured however, a chemical glitch in no way takes away from your deep down charm and intelligence! I am a very good judge of people :thumbsup:

[Jderringer]

Same your way- I'd like to find a way to avoid these funks; somedays I think "Why bother really living?" but I always remind myself that I have a given number of days per month that I'm going to feel this way for maybe 2 days at a time, and it'll subside. I'm not suicidal, nor have I ever been and probably ever will, it's just those thoughts pass through.

I thought toking would help, but at most it made a tiny dent. I know how you feel about the whole distancing thing... I have a few set of friends in random places that I went from seeing every day to seeing maybe 4 times a month. I think they get pissed, like they think I'm abandoning them, but that's not it at all.

EDIT: I once felt like this a few weeks ago, and I spent (I shit you not) 3 hours simply staring at myself in a mirror. Just because. It was odd.

LIP- People give me shit sometimes because a 'tragedy' occurs on the news, and everyone's like "Can you believe this?!" and I'm like "Eh" if it's one of those days, and they give me a look like "WTF you dick."


I feel the same way you do about 1/3 to 1/2 of the time... I also suffer from a mild case of bipolar disorder (I haven't ever needed or taken meds for it)... I think it just comes with the territory.

[Matt the Funk]

I feel you. Comes in little phases. Lasts a week then goes away fo a while. Like I can't even feel emotion even if I try. It's like even if my whole family died I don't think I would feel emotion. It's kinda sad I guess.I don't think it makes you a bad person at all. I mean what can you do? Nothing. Some people just react different then others. I mean atleast you don't want to kill people or something...but not really feeling emotions isn't too bad. It can be a side effect of some of the anti-psychotics, but it's different when it comes from the meds.

[ericwt]

I keep having dreams about getting banned from this site! And every time, it's for the same thing!

Why would they ban you?

What happened in the dream?

I can't imagine you ever getting banned.