Fighting W/ Fiacee...

[pocketsrstillEmT]

I may be over reacting, or even childish for this, but it bothers the hell out of me...so I am gonna vent here. (You all are the lucky ones!)

Ok, I wake up this morning in a great mood, right...I got a phone call this morning telling me that I will be recieving a settlement in two weeks, and I am getting quite a bit of money-life was good. Then SHE gets chirped on her two way. I dont here the conversation, because I am talking to my uncle on the phone.

Then, she comes out of the bedroom, dressed and looking nice, with her purse. I look outside and a car is pulling in...by now I am like, "What the fuck is going on around here?"

Anyway, she says "I'm going with a couple of friends for a while...bye." I guess she could see this upset me because she asked me if I was mad. I said no, and kissed her goodbye, and she kinda joged to the car, giggling......

Then the car gets to the end of the driveway and speeds off....GGrrrr Damn it this heats me. Now, not only am I mad, but I think she is making fun of me too. I dont think I trust her too much, or something, cause this is really getting to me-and it shouldnt.

The reason I am pissed is that she didnt even talk to me first. I dont know, maybe I am way off here, but if I would have just jumped out of bed, got dressed and THEN tell her where I was going only moments before the ride pulled in the driveway...it would be a whole new ball of wax. I think I have a right, as her fiancee, to at the least know where shes going and whom with. I also think she should have talked to me FIRST, before she even told this person to come over...she didnt even ask how I felt about it.

Am I over reacting, or being a dick?

Thanks-Pockets:mad:

[rebgirl420]

Your not over reacting. My guy wold shit a brick if I just left. He's ALWAYS with me as it is. He's like my best friend so were always side by side. We never leave without telling each other, hell he tells me where he's going when he's going outside to smoke a cig. I think that the proper thing for her to do would have been to tell you and/or ask if you would like to come also. I know its weird but I don't think ive been alone since we started dating 2 years ago (except for one or two rare times)

[stinkyattic]

I think you shouldn't even be in that situation to begin with.

But that's just me.

http://boards.cannabis.com/sexuality/115043-heavy-topic-i-need-relationship-advice.html

^^^^oh yeah, and all these folks too.^^^^

[Psycho4Bud]

The reason I am pissed is that she didnt even talk to me first. I dont know, maybe I am way off here, but if I would have just jumped out of bed, got dressed and THEN tell her where I was going only moments before the ride pulled in the driveway...it would be a whole new ball of wax. I think I have a right, as her fiancee, to at the least know where shes going and whom with. I also think she should have talked to me FIRST, before she even told this person to come over...she didnt even ask how I felt about it.

Am I over reacting, or being a dick?

Thanks-Pockets:mad:

Common courtesy would state that she'd keep ya a bit informed BUT you never know.....maybe it's some type of suprise. Marriage is built on trust, IF you don't have that now I'd reconsider the fiancee thing or at least wait until it's there.

As for the "right to know".........she's an adult, your not adopting a child. Good luck to ya!:thumbsup:

Have a good one!

[Psycho4Bud]

We never leave without telling each other, hell he tells me where he's going when he's going outside to smoke a cig.

To each his/her own but that seems a bit restrictive. It sounds more like a BDSM relationship.........no offense!!

What works for some may not for others I guess.

Have a good one!:jointsmile:

[da dubs]

mmmmmmmmmmm....nasty one

dependind on how well yis are at communicating with one another,i reckon yis need to sit down and have a heart 2 heart..

tell her what you were thinking about what she did,without anger in your voice..
ask her would she like you doing the same,,and take it from there..


best of luck..:hippy: :smokin:

[rebgirl420]

To each his/her own but that seems a bit restrictive. It sounds more like a BDSM relationship.........no offense!!

What works for some may not for others I guess.

Have a good one!:jointsmile:

Yeah its weird to some people but because were both extremely jealous and territorial people it works out fine haha

[make it legal]

It is a bit strange. She should have said at least what she was doing.

Good luck with this one.

[Hardcore Newbie]

I think you're overreacting, but hey, I've lost two prior girlfriends on account of the fact that I don't get jealous.

BUT, she asked if you were mad and you said "No". You had a chance to talk about it with her and you chose not to, so you essentially gave her permission to not even discuss it with you.

[pocketsrstillEmT]

ok, Im back online. I said I wasnt mad because she put me on the spot, while her friends were watching...I felt threatened.

As for communication, and asking her what she would do if it were flipped...well, I already had this chat with her once. To be perfectly honest, I think she did this on purpose-she KNOWS how I feel when it comes to this particular point.

rebgirl...we used to be the same way...

I think this is going to be a fall out-especially if she dont come back till the wee-hours again.

[Weedhound]

BUT, she asked if you were mad and you said "No". You had a chance to talk about it with her and you chose not to, so you essentially gave her permission to not even discuss it with you.


Excellently said. It's on you to state your needs etc....not on her to mindread.

[pocketsrstillEmT]

Last post by me explains the "no" part. I admit, I could have handled it better...I guess my maturity level went down a lttle bit...damn thats hard to admit-even on a forum...

[pocketsrstillEmT]

Btw Weedhound...did you get my email?

[napolitana869]

she has a right to go where ever she wants, with whom ever she want. She should also have the obligation to tell you these things. At the very least its a safety issue. I tell my boyfriend when I'm going out with other people, even if I wasn't with him to begin with.

[friendowl]

fuck love
give her a taste of her own medicine
wait a few days
then do the same shit

getting married aint going to happen
if it does
maybe we can have you a divorce party
at the chicken ranch near las vegas

[kdspecial]

Yeah man I agree with you on this one....

It suks that she did that... But I'm pretty sure she got the reaction she wanted. I bet she didn't even do it consiously. Most gurls don't....

its almost like a way to control. But in a non controlled way.

See you kinda feel bad now... YOu feel like you may be over reacting right? And when you bring it up later I bet she will get pissed that your even bringging it up.

It hard to explain but women do it I guess an example would be...

Your ladie asks you to wake her up every morrning at 730Am ...

So every morrning you say "Sweety time to get up its 730" She says ok illbe right down... now its 740 you call to her again Sweety its 740 time to wake and Bake lol...... "Yeah yeah illbe down in a bit"

Now its 750 Sweety its really getting late now its 750 we gotta be there at 815.... Its 750 What the fuk I asked you to wake me up at 730 what the helll......

Now your reaction is "Shiot im sorry baby you said you wanted to sleep etc.. Or whatever when really inside you saying "FUk you Im doing youa favor by getting you up and you don't when I wake you and now your giving me shit? YOU DAMM Insert favoruite names here,,, I personally like KUNT"

So after you are both ready to leave for work or whatever it is,, YOu feel kinda bad cuz you weren't able to wake her up in time, And shes just mad pissed and moody at you,,,, She doesn't understand it,, YOu don't understand it and now you leave for work pissed and stressed and she leaves for work grumpy knowing when she gets home she has this one thing on you so you'll make her dinner or buy her flowers Its all about attention... and womens Control for it....

I bet I offended some women but maybe imn just meeting the worng ladies but Its a pretty common thing from my experience which is living with 3 different women for a year or more each... Than again maybe its me....

Its a tricky situation,,, its not the best example but it gets the point across. I truly believe after being in a few good relationships for a few yrs or more that Women just naturally do these things and they don't even really realize it. Just like Men do things that we dont even realize....Well thats what I want to believe anyways,hhahah

But like the others said She gave you a chance to say somthing. YOu didn't BUt I have been there loads of times Somtimes you just can't. A you don't want to make a argument or your like you said on the spot. And don't wanna be THAT GUY you know....

But you gotta say somthing or it will keep happeneing,, Personally to not say where your going I find unacceptable for safety reasons if anything, And trust is a huge thing man... If you dont got it you might as well start siging the divorce papers...

Its harsh but its the truth.

Say somthign and be ready for a argument. a long hard one. But arguing is part of a healthy relationship. And you only get better at it the more you practice at it. If it never gets better it wasn't meant to be....

thats my kinda 2 cents srry for the spelling mistakes I type fast.

kd

[kdspecial]

I just read your other post,,,,,,,

Like Stinky said you shouldn't be in thsi position,, this women knows exactly what she is doing...

YOu guys are both creating distance form eachother. She got baggage and major amounts of it...

People can change but its not your fault you can't make the relationship work... Its aloso not your responsibility to take care of her... I know you ahven't mentioned these things but I know they are going through your head...

If I leave her then She will have no one etc.. Im the only stable thing shes got etc...

When you ntell her to fuk off and I personally think you should She will cry and tell you things you want to hear etc etc. Promiss this and that...

but bottom line you can't fit a Square Peg into a Round Hole...

Shes trouble man... And this time espically she got the exact reaction she wanted... be strong fight with her... If she don't budge show her who really is the strong one (not physically but mentally).. and kiss her goodby and leave... Or if its your place Ask her to leave.

After i read the other thread From Stinkys POst I had to write again....

kd

[r00tdoctor]

Was these friends girls or guys??? Im going to tell you my motto: "There is no such things as platonic friendship's between guys and girls." This is a truth most people dont want to hear but it needs to be said. Givin the chance (like if the girl said lets have sex to the guy) any guy (unless he's some sorta holy type person like a buddist monk) would bang there closest friend thats a girl. I dunno why your women would want to cause tension in your relationship she would have been able to tell you were upset from your body language. It is messed up she didnt even offer to have you go with her , isnt being in a commited relationshp supposed to be sharing lifes experiences with each other? She has come home in the wee hours of the night? That is a horrible sign bro , you need to really have a long talk with her and truly sort out these issues or break up with her...

[Weedhound]

I like what Kd had to say there except I'll take exception to one statement. He think this woman doesn't know she's controlling the relationship. I say she knows exactly what she is doing and it's certainly working so far isnt it?

Pockets you need to decide where your line is. You can't be changing it around because her friends are there or she gives you the blinky eyes or whatever....yeah yeah she had a good reason because.....blah blah. That is ALL part of the control game and it's standard operating procedure. ;)

From what you have said I certainly am not getting any sense that she is interested in making the relationship work...remember what I said about wanting to change? Doesn't sound to me like she's got her sights set that way in any form. I'm a person who will give someone a few chances and thats it. Anyone can have a bad day or make a mistake. But stop listening to her words and start looking at her actions. That's where you will see the truth.....words can mean zero especially at the hands of someone who likes to use them as a means to an end.

Now...I will make clear that I feel the same way as everyone else here.....you are better off without her. Are you packed yet? I didn't think so so here we are and that's why we're talking about it.

You know my pre-marital counselor said an excellent statement to me way back when. "The rocks in your head fit the holes in mine." It takes two--she's not going to get anywhere unless you are letting her.

Pick a line. Stick by it. If she can't or won't...bye bye. Simple but not easy.

I sound fierce here and I don't mean it that way so don't take it personally. :D

PS...have not gotten any e-mail....if you can rep now rep me w/your e-mail address.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

Just think about this..


what if she really was being innocent, saw that you were on the phone and had to get going so she got ready while you were talking..her friends arrived early so she didn't get to talk to you about where she was going specifically, and was smiling as she walked out the door to her friends...not laughing at you.

I dunno, just think of a positive side.

[darth stoner]

Whatever your gut instinct says, it's probably right.

[kdspecial]

yeah yeah she had a good reason because.....blah blah. That is ALL part of the control game and it's standard operating procedure. ;)


hahaha this couldn't be more true....

[onequickmove]

don't get married

[onequickmove]

read the other thread; definitely not ready to get married

[stinkyattic]

Honestly it sounds like your relationship is so off balance that even calling her you fiancee is a bit of a stretch... yikes.