no father

[budsmoker only]

so today my mother asked me how i would feel if my dad didnt go to my graduation... my response was if he doesnt wanna go, then hes not gonna go.. cant force him to do somethin he doesnt wanna do... well as a lil background on my father he left me and my mom when i was about one yrs old.. so i never knew what its like to have a father, the closest i have ever had would be my grandpa who is there for me whenever i need him and loves me... i was just sitting here thinkin bout how my life would be if i grew up with a father figure to instead of just my mom... my mom did a great job and i love her to death but i was just wonderin... but ne ways it just made me really depressed to think about how im one who has never had a dad there.. i mean he loves me and shit but he has never been there for me like others have... i cant even consider him a dad.. i asked why he wouldnt and my mom said work.. that really hit me hard because it shows whats more important to him... i dunno why im even posting this, i am just wa depressed right now and wanted to get some shit off my chest... he tells me he loves me and i tell him back but i just dont know if i mean it or not... i didnt even know that i would be this emotional bout somethin like this but i am...
im sorry i wasted your time if you read this.. but did any of you out there grow up without a father so to say?? its just i have never thought bout this in my 18 yrs of existence and now that i have it just really got to me...
and please no flamin on my "dad"..

[mattks1]

i feel ya man. dad was overseas when i graduated so i can understand where youre coming from. i was also raised by my mom, and i am thankful for that. i learned a lot from her that i dont think i would have learned if it would have been different. just dont let your past predict your future. im sure u had nothing to do with it and could certainly do nothing to change it. shit happens, and when it does you gotta clean youre shoes off and keep walkin (just make that shit about the shoes up but u catch my drift). smoke some doja and listen to some marley and itll be all good

[Breukelen advocaat]

The hell with graduation - it's all bullshit. I picked up my diploma from the school's offices.

Congrats, anyway! :thumbsup:

[tootsie roll]

so today my mother asked me how i would feel if my dad didnt go to my graduation... my response was if he doesnt wanna go, then hes not gonna go.. cant force him to do somethin he doesnt wanna do... well as a lil background on my father he left me and my mom when i was about one yrs old.. so i never knew what its like to have a father, the closest i have ever had would be my grandpa who is there for me whenever i need him and loves me... i was just sitting here thinkin bout how my life would be if i grew up with a father figure to instead of just my mom... my mom did a great job and i love her to death but i was just wonderin... but ne ways it just made me really depressed to think about how im one who has never had a dad there.. i mean he loves me and shit but he has never been there for me like others have... i cant even consider him a dad.. i asked why he wouldnt and my mom said work.. that really hit me hard because it shows whats more important to him... i dunno why im even posting this, i am just wa depressed right now and wanted to get some shit off my chest... he tells me he loves me and i tell him back but i just dont know if i mean it or not... i didnt even know that i would be this emotional bout somethin like this but i am...
im sorry i wasted your time if you read this.. but did any of you out there grow up without a father so to say?? its just i have never thought bout this in my 18 yrs of existence and now that i have it just really got to me...
and please no flamin on my "dad"..

I'm sorry. I know you feel bad. there's no telling what an adult thinks.

I didn't have a dad either really. He died when I was small. :(

[birdgirl73]

You're not wasting anyone's time, Budsmoker. Just expressing feelings that needs to be expressed. Glad you felt you could do that here, and I'm sad for you that your dad hasn't been in your life enough. From what I can tell, he's missed out on a relationship with a really good son. A young man he'd be proud of. Sometime down the road, I suspect he's going to be real sad about that if he isn't already.

This is an unfair thing for kids, but there are some men who stuggle a lot more with growing up and taking responsibility than others. Don't know why exactly, but they're the ones who don't have relationships or provide support to their kids. They struggle with the responsibilities of marriages and, often, staying employed. The truth is, they're still kids themselves. Kids in avoidance mode, usually. Women occasionally struggle with this stuff, too, but that's much less common where parental responsibility is concerned.

Don't know if this helps you feel better or not right now, but there's one thing you can do about this even if you can't change your dad himself. When you have kids of your own, you can make sure you're always connected, always there, always providing whatever type of support you can. You can break that cycle in the family you have when that time comes.

Peace to you, sweetie. And congrats on your upcoming graduation!

[budsmoker only]

thank you all for your kind words...i still cant believe how hard this hit me... and to birdgirl i am definitely gonna always be there for my kids... they are going to have the best god damn father i can be...

[officerleeroy]

Budsmoker- I'm in a similar boat as you. I met my dad for the first time when I was about 13...I met him in a blood testing office. I met him after it was "confirmed" that I was his child. After that I had to meet with him every 2 weeks from then on. I admit it was very weird at first...but then there were times when I feel that we really connected. Most of the time though, I felt as if when we were together it wasn't because he was there becasue he wanted to be, but because he was there by law. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but that's just how some people are, I wish you the best with you and your dad.

[Skink]

This is what people don't realize when they give their thumbs up on same sex marriages and single parenting... Fact is we are creatures made of a Man and Woman and each play an important role,,,the more we accept different the more the human race will detereorate... I grew up in a very dysfunctional family,,, as a result,,, and as much as I try to do right it is not right,,, I can't relate to normal situations in life,,,and i do try hard...

[bong_man]

i grue up with a father, who beat the shit out of me for fun. still live with him. hes grand now, but i never ever ever had that whole daddy son thing and i did'nt have any of that granddad shit ither. Never told me he loved me or any of that and i never told him i loved him, never hugged him etc etc never wanted to, were grand the way we are lol

[budsmoker only]

once again thanks, and to bong im really sorry to hear that.. no kid should have that
leeroy that must be rough, ive known him for my whole life, well kinda, but he has just never been there if yall get what im sayin...
my mother has done her best and she is great.. i love her to death and i dunno how it would be with my "dad" but i think i might be happy he was never around, i dunno...

[timothylearyisdead]

My dad was cool as shit but I only got to see him once every 6 months maybe from when I was born to when he died when I was 10, so I kinda got the same situation too. I don't let it get me down too much though.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

My brother graduated before me. He asked my dad if he wanted tickets to his graduation, he actually bought extra ones just for him and his wife. My dad said he already got them, which is impossible as he doesn't live in the same town as us and they don't just sell tickets to random people, you have to fill out a form. So my brother, wanting to stay hopeful left it at that. Me, doubting my asshole wanna be dad, searched up and down every row of parents for my daddy's smiling face and he wasn't there. He lied to my brother and my brother still doesn't know, he just (says) he assumes he left early.

My dad left when I was 10. I wish he left when I was younger, 'cause I got a taste of a great dad who morphed into a peice of shit. I've never wished death upon anyone but him. He began taking steroids when I was 8, which none of us knew about..we only knew about his obsession with working out. He wasted tons of money on a home gym in our basement, got a membership to a gym about 4 towns over and then eventually began working there to help our money problems (which were caused by him). After two years of working there, one night he just didn't come home. He didn't call or visit my family for three days, and when he finally did he broke the news. A year later he got a "room mate"..her name was Liz. Eventually he told my mom he was cheating on her for two years and met Liz at the gym. A few years later, when I was 14 or 15 he got married to her and invited all of his half of the family but not me. He didn't even tell me about it until on one of our very few visits, I saw a wedding ring.

I haven't talked to my father in two years. He doesn't call, send birthday or holiday cards, he doesn't even realize my existance.

I feel you bro.

[Matt the Funk]

I was never close with my dad until the past year or so. He use to be pretty mean to me and my mom, but he matured. He is still really odd though. He didn't have a father,and his mom work pretty much 24/7, and early in life he went down a bad path and fucked up his brain. Atleast you made good descisions without a father. My mom also didn't have a dad, or mom. But she had her grandparents, who I think are good enough as parents.And until I was about 9 I only saw my parents around an hour total a day, sometimes less. So in a way I know where you are coming from, but I don't really. My mom shows resentment towards her father, and my dads didn't really have a way to live.

[orangeman]

I had my dad until my teen years. Home problems started when I was younger though. At first it pained me and drove me mad but honestly as I got older I realized that the guy was such a fuckin home wrecker I was relieved to see him leave. Now that he isn't around as much my depression problem really seems to have stopped. And I haven't even been smoking weed and still no depression. I guess that means when I finally start back I can enjoy my high even more since I'm not escaping from anything :).

[get_bent_pay_rent]

personally i feel their are over-rated, my father left me and mom before my first birthday. had to learn a whole lotta shit on my own but i turned out fine.
whether or not my life would of turned out the same i dont know, never will but i'm cool with that.

[smoke it]

wow. sorry dude. my dad was pretty much always there, except for a couple years when he was depressed. i can only imagine what it feels like.

[Storm Crow]

We've all got our stories- Mine is a VERY bi-polar mother and a usually absent father (Navy- on subs for 6 month stretches). Life with Mom was sometimes a lot of fun, sometimes pure hell. The thing to remember is that we should not make the mistakes our parents made. They screwed us over and we survived in spite of them! We are stronger than they were/are and it is time to "break the chain" of abuse! Scarred as we are, WE CAN DO THAT!!! We can stop the abuse and choose not to hurt our kids. Don't pass on the madness and pain to your kids! Let go of your past and start living "here, now". It isn't easy, but it can be done! My love to all my fellow survivors- Granny:hippy:

[originalblu]

you can have one of mine

i got 2 dads, my mom divorsed my blood father and he lives with me in the basement, my mom just divorsed my seconed dad and he still lives with her on the second floor,, my bother and his girl friend also live in the same house,, its fuckin weird all livin togeather

[OpJ]

Bud,
My parent's divorced early when I was 6. I now, just at 35, realize how it has effected me over the years. You can't expect a deep relationship with an another individual who never learned how to reseprocate love. Day by day another day we wish was different but we have to learn to accept reality. Life is a journey and sometimes hard, and sometimes beautiful in fantastic ways. I now just wish that my kids had a grandfather who was part of there lives, and they do, just on my wifes side of the family not mine.

Its the knowing that things could be different that is hard. I even now and after counseling still have an irresistable urge to try and change things. You can't. Just try to do the best you can. Your not alone.

[timothylearyisdead]

People that have to learn stuff on their own turn out to be better people. I know a bunch of college kids that had the "perfect upbringing" and now they're completely lost in life. Me and my real friends, the people I can actually relate to, seem to be doing a HELL of a lot better at this point than those people.

[ValkyrieAg]

my dad taught me how to rebuild a small block, weld, clean catfish, drive, run a dump, algebra/calculus, read a map and most recently ride a motorcycle. (bought me a brand new bike 2 years ago)


I probably wouldn't be where I am today without my ole pops.

[budsmoker only]

dang a lot of people never got to know their father, i feel pretty lucky that he left when i was early cuz then i never knew what its like to have a father... ive seen divorces and kids take it really hard but i was young and didnt know anything... im glad to see everyone posting their troubles with fathers and to all of you keep ya head up... and to the ones who's fathers have passed away, RIP to them... im sure they were great fathers and would still love to be there... you guys are great and made me feel a hell of lot better!!! thanks

[Skink]

I was so happy when my abusive father had to leave...