TRUE news story. NOT a joke.

[Whos Carl]

A lawyer in Charlotte, NC purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

But... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

[Reefer Rogue]

Only in America

[napolitana869]

lol oh man. I bet his face was red

[GosTo]

self owned?

[Whos Carl]

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer thought for a moment, but was puzzled. Finally he asked the engineer, "How do you start a flood?"

[Whos Carl]

These are things people actually said in court, word for word:




Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?


Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: 38 or 25, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years.


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.


Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Between milepost 498 and 500.


Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.


Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30pm
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?


Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.


Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.


Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.


Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?



Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.


Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

[Whos Carl]

~ How To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket! ~

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too

[Breukelen advocaat]

True News Story. Not a Joke: A lawyer in Charlotte, NC purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

But... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.
The above story is entertaining - but not true:

The events related above did not occur in Charlotte, N.C., or anywhere else. This is the latest (and most verbose) retelling of an old urban legend that has roots in humor. In some variations, the cigar-buyer is just an average scammer, in others, he's an accountant. In every version, however, his clever scheme always backfires and he ends up losing more than he won.

This tale and others like it give us hope that, in this overly litigious society plagued by frivolous lawsuits and scams, justice does prevail and that clever crimes have equally clever consequences. In short, we want it to be true. Country music star, Brad Paisley obviously picked up on that desire and immortalized this legend in a track on his 2003 album "Mud on the Tires," entitled "The Cigar Song."

I've seen the text above posted on a variety of message boards and people are generally quite excited by the its theme. Interestingly, even when it's pointed out as a hoax, most people insist they don't care about the message's truth or falsehood. They claim they will pass it on anyway for its entertainment value. but any chain can have a dark side. For example: There is no such thing as the "Criminal Lawyers Award Contest," mentioned in the version of the text above. Plug that phrase into google and you'll get many different web sites, all leading to a form to fill out for legal advice from an organization identified as the Legal Assistance Network. Unfortunately, no information is available about that organization without filling out the form. This sends up a warning flag that this may be a front for a scam to obtain contact information, cashing in on the popularity of this legend. Break this chain
Lawyer Commits Insurance Fraud With Box of Cigars? - BreakTheChain.org (http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/cigars.html)

[Sweeney]

pwned

[robert42]

lmao thats so fucked lol

[TheFatKid]

The above story is entertaining - but not true:

The events related above did not occur in Charlotte, N.C., or anywhere else. This is the latest (and most verbose) retelling of an old urban legend that has roots in humor. In some variations, the cigar-buyer is just an average scammer, in others, he's an accountant. In every version, however, his clever scheme always backfires and he ends up losing more than he won.

This tale and others like it give us hope that, in this overly litigious society plagued by frivolous lawsuits and scams, justice does prevail and that clever crimes have equally clever consequences. In short, we want it to be true. Country music star, Brad Paisley obviously picked up on that desire and immortalized this legend in a track on his 2003 album "Mud on the Tires," entitled "The Cigar Song."

I've seen the text above posted on a variety of message boards and people are generally quite excited by the its theme. Interestingly, even when it's pointed out as a hoax, most people insist they don't care about the message's truth or falsehood. They claim they will pass it on anyway for its entertainment value. but any chain can have a dark side. For example: There is no such thing as the "Criminal Lawyers Award Contest," mentioned in the version of the text above. Plug that phrase into google and you'll get many different web sites, all leading to a form to fill out for legal advice from an organization identified as the Legal Assistance Network. Unfortunately, no information is available about that organization without filling out the form. This sends up a warning flag that this may be a front for a scam to obtain contact information, cashing in on the popularity of this legend. Break this chain
Lawyer Commits Insurance Fraud With Box of Cigars? - BreakTheChain.org (http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/cigars.html)

You have Nietzche in your sig<33

[Skink]

Whether it was true or not the fact that it is believable says a lot...

[UTD Toker]

self owned?

HAHA

[Markass]

lmao..that shit's funny...

[suhl]

yeah nothing about that story seemed true, it was even written as you would right a joke, but it wasnt funny. was amusing though

[Greenport]

lmfao fucking idiots i swear

[suhl]

god i spelled write as right

[iwantFUEGO]

Whether it was true or not the fact that it is believable says a lot...

well said

[GHoSToKeR]

Haha, that's awesome.. I believed it. :p